During my Stress and Conflict Management class, it was my time to share my thoughts. We are having the Wise Man game, a role play, where if I were to meet a very wise man in the mountains who know everything about me, what would the wise man say about me that I didn't know that I know.. confusing question, but something like that. I was already prepared since last year's class, but our class has 9 students in all taking turns to answer the question. I was among the last to speak. I was to share three things that about myself that I didn't know I know..
First, I realize that I have a fear for or unwillingness to change.
Second, I have a fear of or not fully developed in terms of intimacy.
Third, I am always concious of the impressions and opinions of other people about me.
Even though I am pro change and rally change to others. I somehow dread change. Dread in a sense of unwilling to or too lazy to receive changes. Many times change has occured in my life and I always didn't like it (refer to blog entry April 22, 2004, "Changes"). My motivation right now is always to ask myself, "What can I achieve or accomplish if I have no fear?" That motivates me to charter the unknown. And most of the time, there is green pasture on the other side of the wall.
What would I do, what can I achieve, if I have no fear?
- to be continued
The Mind of the Melancholeric Man: Musings on Life and Ministry by Patrick Tan
Yesterday was my first day of class in 2005. I am very glad that I have finally returned to school. All those whining about feeling lazy and idle somehow was minimize when I stepped into ASCM again. It got my mind and body flowing. As usual as I was late for my first class, I woke up at 7AM with a miscommunication again with mother, I was supposed to be awaken at 6AM. Catch an LRT, no seat left, I was standing the whole trip to Makati.
Went to Cartimar this afternoon for some fish-shopping. I'm slowly rebuilding my reef aquarium. It was very traffic in Cartimar, luckily we got a parking space immediately after arriving. I was also on the hunt for Christmas ponsettias, which I theorize would cost cheaper since Christmas day is over, but when we got to the plant shop there was not a single ponsettia to be found! I theorize they purposely kept it because it is already out of season.
I've been also on the hunt for other Christmas stuff or items that were in sale. I got a camping tent for P999.00. The tent occupies 4 persons; good for camping. I'm still looking for a cheap capiz parol. Also got a microwave oven on sale at P2500.
Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. Probably I'll fill up my reef tank. Eat my fill at noche buena.. I'm doing baked potatoes hopefully.
I've been also on the hunt for other Christmas stuff or items that were in sale. I got a camping tent for P999.00. The tent occupies 4 persons; good for camping. I'm still looking for a cheap capiz parol. Also got a microwave oven on sale at P2500.
Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. Probably I'll fill up my reef tank. Eat my fill at noche buena.. I'm doing baked potatoes hopefully.
I decided to wake up earlier - 10AM.. A great accomplishment for a sluggish sleepyhead. Last night we moved our bed to another position that I can place my stuff beside my bed, including my alarm clock. But even when the alarm clock was right beside my ear, I was not awaken by the clock but a houseperson saying that the alarm clock is ringing. I'm bad at waking through alarms.
I found my dad talking on the phone with pastor. Another issue in the church. When will this stop? Later I'll be going to church to practice for Sunday worship.
These are the times when I ask myself, "Where is the church headed?" I feel pointless, my work senseless and no direction to go to. Last night my family were talking about moving church. It seems hopeless and stubborn. I am an objective person. A person who does things for a purpose, for a goal. My motivation is driven by carefully laid-out and God-inquired plans. When there is no vision the people scatter. I feel like a sheep without a shepherd. Three years in the youth ministry proved to be a great experience... but how long can I hold up? I've been inquiring to the Lord of my struggles. What is in store for 2005? I am growing weary.
I found my dad talking on the phone with pastor. Another issue in the church. When will this stop? Later I'll be going to church to practice for Sunday worship.
These are the times when I ask myself, "Where is the church headed?" I feel pointless, my work senseless and no direction to go to. Last night my family were talking about moving church. It seems hopeless and stubborn. I am an objective person. A person who does things for a purpose, for a goal. My motivation is driven by carefully laid-out and God-inquired plans. When there is no vision the people scatter. I feel like a sheep without a shepherd. Three years in the youth ministry proved to be a great experience... but how long can I hold up? I've been inquiring to the Lord of my struggles. What is in store for 2005? I am growing weary.
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