Just came home from school. Did a lot today. Finally one project off my back as I delivered 150 CDs that my brother burned for the past 3 days for a client. Had a meeting with Liberal Party regarding their anniversary presentation. By the way, I had only two hours of sleep today, thanks to this anniversary presentation. Client's project manager had not been an epitome of my perceived leadership since he was such a delegatory (in other words, dumping) leader without clear strategic plan of attack on the project. It's difficult for a choleric to sometimes stand useless in a pressing problem that could have had better solutions.

At noon, I went to school to prepare for Leadership in Missions exam. Arrived 2 hours earlier which I spent its first hour to catch up on sleep and the other to review for my classes. Our missions class is having a missions awareness week in the school as a class project, little excited about it because I could contribute in the aspect of design and music. On the last hour we watched a biographical video of William Carey. OT class at 5PM, watched a video on Jeremiah the prophet. It was a good movie. Film maker took the liberty to use poetic license by adding Jeremiah's love interest, Judith, in the plot.

Third week on this presentation project. Need to get this done. I need to rest.

Today is a great day... so far :)

Lately I've not been getting enough sleep because of a project I'm doing. I really want to get it over and done so I could take time out. Carecell last Saturday was awesome especially the worship. For some time I've been really seeking the presence of God, and at that time He made His presence known. It was when I offer myself to other people, through listening and prayer, that I began to feel God working in me again. Worship was truly awesome. McDonalds after Carecell, then as we prepare to go home, I learned that the car keys were left in the ignition - again. I had to wait for my dad to scooter his keys to me again. My dad is so patient with me. Went home and continued working on projects. Slept late. I am beginning to realize that sleeping late and waking without complete sleeping hours really affects my communion with Him.

Sunday, I led worship and He was there again. If only the congregation would learn to stay passionate for God, we wouldn't be the same again. In the afternoon, my family visited my dad's aunt despite my brother's hesitation because we were dead tired.

Do Not Worry

If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion--do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best--dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.

If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers--most of which are never even seen--
don't you think he'll attend to you,

take pride in you,

do his best for you?

What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

- Jesus Christ
Luke 6:25-34
THE MESSAGE

As of this moment, I just got up from a 20-minute nap. I have this project going on and I have to present tomorrow morning. Just wrapping up some huge stuff. The slowness of my computer doesn't help. I'm typing from the other computer...

Anyway, I've been out of the blog lately. Been very, very, VERY busy. I could rant but what can ranting do? I just came into conclusion that this is not what He wants me to be in. I need time to sit out and assess my activities and plans. Lots of things are going on my head. I thought of taking the board exam, putting up a business... actually there's a reason behind that but I'm too tired to explain. But one thing's sure, I want to be in full communion with God again. These past few days have been really hectic that I miss my appointments with Him. I'm thankful that I was able to spend time with Him when I drove to work last Monday, I turned the radio off and just began to talk to Him and I really felt His presence. I want that now. I must admit that there is a feeling in my being that I am missing.

Sermon on the Riverside

Today is first work day of the year. Struggled to wake up at 8AM, came to office past 9AM in assumption that I was already late. I was the third person who came in, been waiting outside the office for 30 minutes because the doorbell was broken and the phones were in voice mail. Worked on typesetting an English Book of Hope to Tagalog, still missing some resources. Fasting at lunchtime, we shared testimonies of how God has been faithful to everyone in the team. It was an encourager and an eye-opener, how despite the challenges and trials each one of us went through, the fact that God is the same faithful and loving God yesterday, today and forever does not change. 30 minutes to 4, Kuya Rodel rallies the team to go to Marikina Riverside Park for early dinner. It's only 30 minutes drive from the office. It was my first time to go there. The park is clean in a sense that it's all nature. No wonder it's hailed as the cleanest city in the Philippines. The river was literally full of janitor fish, the only existing fish in Marikina River because they wiped out other fish population after some pet owner threw his janitor fish in the river some decade ago.

Dinner. Kuya Rodel took us to a riverside grill. The food was OK and abundant for a cheap price. We were 13 in all. Each of us paid P90 full and satisfied. We feasted on sisig, maya-maya sa miso, grilled pusit, pork barbeque, grilled tilapia, green mangoes with onions and bagoong, and Sprite... Then at the end of dinner as we prepare to leave, a homeless boy suddenly approached our table to ask for scraps. In an unexpected response some of the team, Kuya Rodel and Kuya James offered the boy to give him full dinner. There were still left-overs from our dinner, so they ordered rice for Arsenio, the boy's name shortly after chatting with him. He ate beside me, where Kuya James was. Obviously he was very hungry and managed to down 3 cups of rice. He was homeless, sleeps and wanders in the park, dirty, only finished third grade in elementary, hardly knows how to read - sitting beside me. I was stunned. Stunned meaning I didn't know how to react in a neutral sense. I didn't know how to speak to him naturally, human to human, without feeling an inch of disregard and even hypocrisy. Earlier they were teasing me that I'm not used to eating food such as these, meaning I'm some picky rich guy or something which is totally not true. It was a guilt feeling even if I hardly moved in my chair, thinking how I would fail to even see and initiate contact with this kid in a deeply involved way. Clearly it was a dealing of the heart. I was humbled by their goodness and they couldn't care less what other people would say. They even made an effort to share Jesus to him, that Jesus loves him, and even sincerely offered to take him home for a bath. It was a slap in my face. What a lesson God has taught me today.

After that, we walked around, Kuya Rodel dropped me and Kuya James at MRT Station and rode home.

Spend the whole day at home. I have this little project I am dying to get my hands off it. It's due on the 15th, so my agony will soon end. This morning dad came home from somewhere babbling about how successful his nephews are doing business today. I don't know but suddenly I felt, through personally validated assumptions, that he was trying to poke me subtly how our lives should be better if I had just step up to my part in raising the family. Then this overly sensitive kid came out of me asking if I'm making my parents proud of what I am today. Somehow I feel guilty that I am not the architect they expected me to be. I tried to put up a straight face but my dismay was obvious. A series of "what ifs" flied over my head. What if I pursued professional work two years ago? What if I just stopped everything I'm doing right now and focus on taking care of my family? What if...?! Here I go again. I talked to God for strength.

Today I woke up early. Did my devotion first. First work day. Monday, January 2. I have to work on pending projects from last month. I don't want to do it but I have to, which even makes my life even more complicated. I pray that I can finish this time for its due date. But after this, I'm not taking anymore calls. I want to simplify my life. Because today I am a freelance designer, a graphic designer, a church worker, a student. All part-time, none of which I have total focus on. I believe this is not the set-up God wants me to be in. And I have to find His niche for me. I want to do what he wants.

In the man lives the heart
The wellspring of the thoughts of the heart
I wouldn't know how else to call it
Feelings but in a valid sense
for feelings are devious things
Concepts that blur the mind

I am baffled by its schemes
For it pounces at a time unfortune
On a time of false certainty it makes its kill
As past once thought dead rises from the grave
Now alive and burning
as tempered as a bull raging wild

A pinch of confusion sent to taunt the mind of the man
He asks "What is this?"
A desire to take what is taken from him
Perhaps the veil that once blinded his eyes
has been removed to see what I did not see before
All it took was another heart to whisper subtly

[Work in progress]

(Reuters)