The Long and Winding Road

Had an "emo" moment this afternoon (I'll write about it on my next post), then this song plays on the radio. 

VERSE

The long and winding road that leads to your door will never disappear

I've seen that road before

It always leads me here

Lead me to you door

VERSE 2

The wild and windy night that the rain washed away has left a pool of tears

Crying for the day

Why leave me standing here

Let me know the way

CHORUS

Many times I've been alone

And many times I've cried

Anyway you'll never know

The many ways I've tried

But still they lead me back

To the long winding road

You left me standing here

A long long time ago

Dont leave me waiting here

Lead me to your door

Day in the Life: Carecell Day

Today was a bit tiring (What's new?) But very fulfilling. I had to wake up early today for the district ministers meeting at Word of Hope. The meeting was held on their new auditorium in a new building just beside the new building. Truly they are blessed. And a treat when Dr. Dave Sobrepena encouraged us with the word on vision. Contrary to the rumors and comments about him and the church, I mean you have to give them credit for taking the church a long way to becoming one of the biggest churches in the metropolis. He should be doing something good. God bless him.

After the meeting it was along journey to Binondo as I took what seemed to be short-cuts but I thought it took me longer time to arrive at my destination. I like doing that for the variety of it. When I arrived at Binondo, went to Starbucks to pass time by continuing my reading on Reimaging Church. Some how past half way through the book, things are taking a drastic turn of opinion as I feel that the concept he is arguing and the "established norm" (for lack of a better term for it) he is trying to contradict is a bit purist. I feel that there is no black and white here, no 100% right and 100% wrong. Balance is needed.

An hour before our youth Doris came for me as I told her that I was there, and we went to church together. We had everything laid out but at five there weren't any youth in our cell except to old-timers. Despite feeling down, it was a divine guidance that we just started to be spontaneous and sing songs of praise until the presence of the Lord was intense and four of us began to sing new songs and spoke in tongues. It was a much needed release and refreshment from the Lord. Sometimes ministry can overshadow the simplicity of worship--connecting to the source, to the reason why we are doing all of these. After which was a time of encouragement and ministry as we prayed for one another. This is my ideal small group ministry. Not dictated by any program or plan, but lead by Jesus Christ himself. (Viola talks about the headship of Christ in a community). And after that refreshing time, like it was on cue, the youth we're expecting (new visitors, some were second-timers, highschool basketball varsity players) finally came. So we proceed as we've planned. As if the Lord decided to refocus our eyes first, that ministry should be done with awareness that ministry is also worship, before He sent the youth to be ministered by us. And what a joyful time it was of bonding and encouragement. We had games and get-to-know activities. By sharing time we got to connect to the hearts of the students as they opened up their frustrations and hurts. I am broken by listening to their frustrations and hurts from their families, parents and fathers. My heart cries for such young hearts being disappointed and bruised by a hurting world. Sometimes you are tempted to feel hopeless yourself as if you would question what could you do. But thank God for His Word that is always there to comfort and lay out a promise that He works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. Indeed all of us have a purpose God gave for us to fulfill. It's just a matter of surrender and let Him use you for it.

After the time with them we had dinner at McDonalds, the young adults group who just came from their own small group which they held in a nearby resto, decided to join us for company, wanting to stay and fellowship some more. It was sweet. I ordered a Big Mac (rarely do I order a BM but this time I felt as if I could eat a cow) and enjoyed some extended fellowship and encouragement time by each other. After that we went home, took some of our youth home and got home ourselves.

It was tiring. Ministry can be tiring. But it's always worth every energy and sweat. May God be glorified for what has transpired today.

"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." ~ 1 Corinthians 15:58

Day in the Life: So kakapagod!

Twas a long day today ... in a nutshell:

10AM - Went to Western Union just a few blocks from where I live. Picked up some funds after months of seemed hopeless waiting (I waited for like 5 months!). I thought my boss already ran off. But to be fair US is in some financial crisis right now.

11AM - Proceed to Book of Hope to pick up New Beginnings. Speed drive to Mapua.

12NN - Lunch with Mapua students Alain and Hazel. Ate student sisig meal. I miss college when you eat because you gotta eat. Food is really cheap. Great time of kwentuhan and fellowship.

2:30PM - Went to PGH with Brznf. We're planning to conduct a Christmas outreach program for the children's ward in PGH.

4PM - McDonalds. Really hungry and tired.

8PM - Praise Team practice. Really trying to keep myself from being cranky.

10PM - Lola Ellis, dinner with my brother.

Ramblings: On Carelessness, Pessimism and Depression

I need to get out more. I miss what I use to do. I think I was freer a few years back. I mean in terms of how I use to go around at will. I was supposed to go to Banaue next week but whadyaknow I'm tied again to the city. I told our small group this evening that shaving my hair reminded me of that feeling. That feeling of "careless abandonment", despite the unclear future you go ahead and "shave your head" or do something crazy or out of the ordinary, and perhaps you may enjoy the fruits of your faith or suffer the repercussions of your foolishness. I miss doing that. Is that a "youth" phase? I hope not.

And now for some ramblings ...

Pessimism. Despite my outward countenance I could say that I am quite a positive go-getter person. This topic came during our sharing time, how we need to have a more positive outlook on life and circumstances. Pessimism just imprisons you of your own assumpsions that you won't be able to prove until you step out in faith. I go back again to that thought of "careless abandonment". Even when I was already on that barber's chair I was undecided which way to go--go semikal or my regular haircut. But since I'm already sitting on the chair I don't have the luxury of time anymore. So I had to choose--take the risk of a shaved head or go with the accepted norm (I've noticed that even the food I eat has already been streamlined to selected choices). And in that unaccountable moment of the present you choose--even the one that requires the bigger risk. 

What am I trying to say? Careless abandonment. Sometimes life doesn't give us hints of which road to take. Missing road signs? But whatever comes in life you take credit for it, you bear responsibility over it, and not blame others for it. In this life it is necessary to be at least armed with one thing--faith (or three--love & hope). Faith in a divine hand that ordains your steps. That every ground you tread is where God is doing his next "field lesson". 

Onto another subject. Depression. Sometimes I do not understand why people go through lengthy whiles feeling sorry for themselves. Pointed words but true nevertheless. By the way, I'm a choleric with a dash of melancholy. I mean, life slams you hard on the ground, then why don't you pick up and and clean up yourself and fight all the more? I think that's where "crying over spilled milk" comes from. Stop crying over the past as if you could still alter them. The past is a hard stone, but the present and the future is as a malleable metal. Dwelling on it just wastes your present, shortens your future. Sayang, sayang, sayang.

"I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME." We have to have that Pauline attitude on life. Whatever life hands us, yes, we will manage, we will endure because quitting and sulking does not belong in the holy dictionary. Our model is Christ Jesus who went through far worse than whatever miserable experiences we can pit up against his, and yet he persisted, he endured (to the point of sweating beads of blood), he died, abandoning this life, overcoming our fiercest limit--death, ressurecting to life--a victor, an uncommon hero because didn't just simply win, he bled and still won. This is the kind of strength--strength that can ressurect even the deadest parts of our being--the kind of strength that permits us to face every fear, every obstacle, hindrance and "temporary setbacks" with a confidence and a sure-win attitude. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Life is too short to be wasted, Patrick. 

A Slice of BFGFC History

Check out this paper by Dr. Eli Javier about Pentecostalism in the Philippines. Apparently BFGFC was also an outgrowth of Manila Bethel Temple (which is now COP)?? I didn't know this ah. Another story added to my BFGFC history files in my head. "It needs to be said that when Lester Sumrall started Bethel Temple, a Chinese class was started which later evolved into the Chinese church.Regular church services later were held in rented facilities at the corner of Recto (then Azcarraga) and Reina Regente Streets in Manila. Today, we have two AG Chinese congregations in Manila (Binondo Full Gospeland United Bethel Church)"

Oh Lord, You're Beautiful

Oh Lord, You're beautiful

Your face is all I see

And when Your eyes are on this child

Your grace abounds to me

Oh Lord, please light my fire

That once burned bright and clear

Replace the lamp of my first love

That burns with holy fear

Note to Self: On Integrity

"[One's] leadership must be of the highest moral standard in all aspects of life; to expect less is to place the church's reputation and ministry in jeopardy."

~ Commentary of Titus 1:6-9

Note to Myself: On Integrty

"What men build with their gifts they can just as quickly destroy by their character." ~ Frank Viola

From Frank Viola's message: http://www.ptmin.org/Dallas2007.mp3

Day in the Life: Of A Bummed-Out Hard Preacher in a New Do

Just woke up at 2AM in the morning after sleeping in the afternoon. I was so tired. And my body still is a bit sore even now. I haven't feel such weariness like this one. By the time I finished speaking in Malabon yesterday afternoon I was already sinking from my chair. I got to speak twice yesterday. Yesterday morning at the morning service, I did a bit of hard preaching about how everyone should be involved in ministry. I mean, it's not enough just to feed people with soft teaching like God's love and prosperity and blessings and forgiveness. There's should be a balance of messages that will move them forward. I thought I did good, but you know sometimes people don't know any better.

Last Saturday's youth carecells were awesome. We got to stay 'til 9PM because of the dice game. I am happy to see that we are growing as a group, once you joined all the cells together.

Now that the sembreak's in I feel bummed out. Though there were a lot of things to do--most of them work, I don't find the drive to do them. Perhaps because I got used to doing and going to school. I also thought how my life would turn out after I graduate when a portion of my week's sched at school will be gone. This week I felt a sense of bumness and I thought I needed to do more youth ministry work. But I thought 2nd sem will just be around the corner so better get the max of this sembreak.

By the way, also last Saturday, I got a new haircut--semi-kal. It's a funny experience because even when I was already on the barber's chair I was undecided until I asked the barber if I would look good on semi-kal. And he said as long as I don't have peklat on my head it's cool. So I finally did. You know the feeling of that adrenaline rush--similar to that but quite different. It's a good feeling, a feeling of something new, something fresh in my life. When you feel afraid, worried how the world will think about you then it suddenly vanishes because despite the mind's objections I go ahead anyway. It's liberating. So after that quick shave I proceeded to church for youth. And it's funny that people needed to get used to my new do. Others point blank say it didn't look good (whatever). But most of them asking why did I do it. Others were concerned if I was depressed or had a big problem (only women get their hair done when depressed I think). I sometimes explain that my hair got all unhealthy from the hair gels I put in it that everytime I take a haircut the barber would offer hot oil treatment because my hair is unhealthy already, so I thought just cut off everything and grow a new set of hair. Good explanation? But really, I can't find a good explanation why I did it other than I was really bummed out. And it felt good, doing something crazy once in a while. I need to do more of this.

Hopelessly Romantic

As I read Isaiah, I can’t help but be frustrated and hopeful. Frustrated because its warnings and how it describes a “rebellious people” much reflects a familiar bunch.

“For this is a rebellious people, false sons, sons who refuse to listen to the instruction of the Lord; Who say to the seers, “You must not see visions”; And to the prophets, “You must not prophesy to us what is right, Speak to us pleasant words, Prophesy illusions. Get out of the way, turn aside from the path, Let us hear no more about the Holy One of Israel” (Isaiah 30:9-11). 

I am in a place wherein you think you know what to do, you know because you have already proven that you could. But your advise fall into deaf ears, your helping hand unwelcomed. This comes after your hope gets rekindled by a picture of a brighter future for your community. It’s like when you’re trapped in a confined space and you wanted to get out—get everybody out. Then you discover a small opening—a gleam of hope. Then you started working your way, sincerely, to find the way out, a tunnel. But at the end of that tunnel, a dead end, nothing more, nothing less.

So I thought, what’s the use? What’s the use of hoping? Better not rally for a spark of hope that will soon disappoint after a few battles for it.

Last night in our leaders carecell we were faced again with the question: Why do you do what you do? Why in spite of lack of perceived “return of investments” by the world’s standards, you pour out yourself for a cause—pour out ourselves in serving and taking care of the youth God has entrusted to us, pour out ourselves in serving this local body of Christ? Why do we serve at the expense of the world’s ridicule? Because I believe. Though I am in a constant battle to live out a child-like faith, I believe. I want to believe. Because there is something better than this kind of apathetic acceptance of a mediocre lifestyle.

“Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him” (Isaiah 30:18).

Lord, draw us near to you, that we may draw near to you. Because I believe it is by your doing that we could draw near into your presence. May you find in us, imperfect people as we are, a pure longing for your visitation.

Lord, in my waking and lying down, may I not pursue to please anyone but only You. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight.

(You might be wondering why the title. Besides that I can't think of any title that would sum up this post, in a sense this post is a stubborn allegience to the positive future of our community when God would visit each of us again.)