Last Sunday we started attending Life Source Christian Fellowship. This will be our home for this season. We arrive early because the service starts at 10AM but we have to get our parents to Binondo before 8:30AM. After we parked a few blocks away from the university church we find out that the church is still closed so stayed at McDonald's for a second breakfast.
We are still in transition. Though I would like it to end soon and just start doing ministry, I believe it won't go away any moment soon. Sitting with my pancakes I look across the table and Nette is quiet. She is also adjusting to this set-up. She has gone through a lot: moving out of ICS, moving out of Makati Carecells and moving out of Binondo. She doesn't recover easily with parting relationships as I do.
As we arrive at church we find a familiar face. My friend who also just moved out their church.
The preaching was about the Lord's prayer. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Prayer is not changing the mind of God but aligning yourself to the will of God.
Prayer. My time alone with God today is dismal. I am reminded by the importance of community. It keeps you somehow on your toes specially in the spiritual disciplines (in my opinion). And Binondo is good at that. There is something in me that keeps on nagging me that I need to get my act together. But I can relate to the priest of Psalm 42, in despair, in longing, and yet hopeful. I am not looking for an emotional spiritual high, but it would help. I feel nothing, like a windless day. How do you push yourself, how do you "put your hope in God, until you once again praise Him?"
After the service we had small groups, and my friend breaks down. I've been thinking about that, how come I am not emotionally engaged with the situation we are in (I am not talking about sympathizing with my friend because I feel him). Am I in denial of something? Yes I realize that the church we came from was a security we cannot enjoy anymore. I acknowledge that I am floating, uprooted. What do I still need to acknowledge to myself? I know there is but today I still don't know. Where is God in all these? He is a Father waiting for my return. Lord, help me see what you want me to see.
The Mind of the Melancholeric Man: Musings on Life and Ministry by Patrick Tan
Murmats!
Today at Chi Alpha Ubelt I was able to connect with a high schooler whose name was also Patrick. He came to the center for the first gathering of the High School ministry through Book of Hope distribution done a few days ago. He came by himself. He said that he's already used to attending "youth" because he was active once in this sort of gathering. And later I will discover that he was a volunteer marshall at the Quiapo church, home of the Black Nazarene. And it's no question as I have confirmed that he's an active participant of the January feast. I learned that he is already twenty-one years old, that explains the moustache, but he looked like sixteen if not for the stache. Even though much delayed in education he was pretty determined to finish high school. I admire that because not a lot of young people in his situation would appreciate a high school diploma. Last part of the event was where they will be presented with the gospel story. This was the first time I did this since long ago and I felt I was pretty un-oiled, but praise God it went well. I just pray that the decision made by this guy will grow within him even in the days to come.
Two things:
Categories. Often times we put people in categories. I heard this first from Rob Bell and its true. We put people in categories. Is he Christian or non-Christian? High school or college? Today I was confronted by this almost involuntary labeling, and it screwed by labels. Much often we realize in this time today more than ever, labels don't work anymore. Being a "Christian" is not a guarantee of emulate-worthy, and I have met many "non-Christian" who are doing their part as active members of society. And one would sigh, "if only he/she was a Christian ..." Jesus broke the categories of his day, he broke through social lines and so we must as radical Jesus followers armed with the most potent weapon that breaks barriers: God's love.
The Mandate. We have been commanded to "go and make disciples of all nation". This was the first time again for me to intentionally share the gospel to a person. And even though at first it was like clockwork, by the end of my presentation I was filled with compassion for this person. We dwelled on discussing the validity of good works for salvation. If only he knew Jesus beyond the rituals and tradition just like many of us, even myself (even as Christians ministers we sometimes succumb to "autopilot"). But that moment sort of oiled my heart for the lost. The urgency the mandate and the beauty of an open heart.
I left after my conversation with the kid, they were still wrapping up the program, and Nette and I were to meet somewhere to go home together. In the train I texted the kid my appreciation and he returned, "... murmats kuya." This was new coded language for me. Is this how old I have gotten already, a realization that I'm not young anymore! So I texted him back asking what that word means (I thought it meant another thing, so I asked out of curiosity). He replied "Maraming Salamat" (Thank you). To God be the glory!
Two things:
Categories. Often times we put people in categories. I heard this first from Rob Bell and its true. We put people in categories. Is he Christian or non-Christian? High school or college? Today I was confronted by this almost involuntary labeling, and it screwed by labels. Much often we realize in this time today more than ever, labels don't work anymore. Being a "Christian" is not a guarantee of emulate-worthy, and I have met many "non-Christian" who are doing their part as active members of society. And one would sigh, "if only he/she was a Christian ..." Jesus broke the categories of his day, he broke through social lines and so we must as radical Jesus followers armed with the most potent weapon that breaks barriers: God's love.
The Mandate. We have been commanded to "go and make disciples of all nation". This was the first time again for me to intentionally share the gospel to a person. And even though at first it was like clockwork, by the end of my presentation I was filled with compassion for this person. We dwelled on discussing the validity of good works for salvation. If only he knew Jesus beyond the rituals and tradition just like many of us, even myself (even as Christians ministers we sometimes succumb to "autopilot"). But that moment sort of oiled my heart for the lost. The urgency the mandate and the beauty of an open heart.
I left after my conversation with the kid, they were still wrapping up the program, and Nette and I were to meet somewhere to go home together. In the train I texted the kid my appreciation and he returned, "... murmats kuya." This was new coded language for me. Is this how old I have gotten already, a realization that I'm not young anymore! So I texted him back asking what that word means (I thought it meant another thing, so I asked out of curiosity). He replied "Maraming Salamat" (Thank you). To God be the glory!
So it begins
Today our beloved church Binondo Full Gospel Family Center Assembly of God has released us from church to do campus missions. This is a major breakthrough in our ministry, however we have only just begun. Pray for us as we continue to step out in faith towards the task that God has given us for this season.
Rains
Just got home in Makati. Netty is not here because she went with her dad to Market Market to fetch her sister.
It's raining but the heavy rain has already passed. I've been observing the weather this past few weeks. This week it already started to rain really hard during late afternoon. And it's just a tropical depression they say. I thought, how much more rain will the rainy season bring (because it's not even rainy season yet). I observe that the clouds are very low, dark and huge. These are the ones that bring the heavy rains. It stirs around like the ones you see on TV when a tornado is about to form. Is this a result of climate change it probably is. If Ondoy brought so much devastation last year, one would think how much more this year, that even at this time it's already raining this hard.
I'm babbling. Waiting ...
It's raining but the heavy rain has already passed. I've been observing the weather this past few weeks. This week it already started to rain really hard during late afternoon. And it's just a tropical depression they say. I thought, how much more rain will the rainy season bring (because it's not even rainy season yet). I observe that the clouds are very low, dark and huge. These are the ones that bring the heavy rains. It stirs around like the ones you see on TV when a tornado is about to form. Is this a result of climate change it probably is. If Ondoy brought so much devastation last year, one would think how much more this year, that even at this time it's already raining this hard.
I'm babbling. Waiting ...
Day in the Life
I'm here right now at the ICI Office. See my work is shared by three organizations of the Assemblies of God US. Waiting for Ptr Sur and the XA team to finish their meeting and we'll have lunch later.
Woke up today a bit sore, everyday I wake up lacking energy, but today is more prominent. Anyway, the weekend has flied so fast. I felt I didn't have enough rest that the weekend provides. Saturday I stayed longer at the clinic to wait for my wife to finish. We went home around 7PM via LRT. Sunday morning I preached for the last time in our daughter church in Valenzuela. They have already been informed of our transition. After my preaching, before the pastor closed in prayer, he informed the congregation of our transition, pausing abruptly to hold back his emotion. I didn't expect that kind of appreciation and the impact I had with them. But it's a breather to feel appreciated and validated of our work. They prayed for me and my wife. My wife has low tears. I told them, it's OK, we will just be around, we're still in the Philippines. But still, I will miss them. The feeling is like crashing your hard drive, you forget some files that are in there, but when the time comes when you need it, you realize you've lost it forever. That's how it feels when you realize your decisions have many effects unexpected and unwanted. But still, we have to move on.
After church, we went with my parents to SM North to have lunch and grocery. This is why weekends feel so short. I miss my time with my parents now that I am married. I think it's just normal. It's like finding reasons to be with them, and even creating reasons to be with them. It's not that I'm like a mama's boy or papa's boy, but I am want their fellowship.
The video footage and presentation of our wedding came a few weeks ago. It's just last week that we had the time to view it. It is a testament of how God provided for us. It was a miracle. And this is the promise I can hold on to when I need it.
Woke up today a bit sore, everyday I wake up lacking energy, but today is more prominent. Anyway, the weekend has flied so fast. I felt I didn't have enough rest that the weekend provides. Saturday I stayed longer at the clinic to wait for my wife to finish. We went home around 7PM via LRT. Sunday morning I preached for the last time in our daughter church in Valenzuela. They have already been informed of our transition. After my preaching, before the pastor closed in prayer, he informed the congregation of our transition, pausing abruptly to hold back his emotion. I didn't expect that kind of appreciation and the impact I had with them. But it's a breather to feel appreciated and validated of our work. They prayed for me and my wife. My wife has low tears. I told them, it's OK, we will just be around, we're still in the Philippines. But still, I will miss them. The feeling is like crashing your hard drive, you forget some files that are in there, but when the time comes when you need it, you realize you've lost it forever. That's how it feels when you realize your decisions have many effects unexpected and unwanted. But still, we have to move on.
After church, we went with my parents to SM North to have lunch and grocery. This is why weekends feel so short. I miss my time with my parents now that I am married. I think it's just normal. It's like finding reasons to be with them, and even creating reasons to be with them. It's not that I'm like a mama's boy or papa's boy, but I am want their fellowship.
The video footage and presentation of our wedding came a few weeks ago. It's just last week that we had the time to view it. It is a testament of how God provided for us. It was a miracle. And this is the promise I can hold on to when I need it.
Transition
Today I am in this space of transition. If I would describe it, it's like one of those contraptions in the science museum of what appears to be a long hallway, but as you go towards the door on the other end, it becomes smaller and smaller, just like Alice in Wonderland. As I ponder on this season of transition (I am not yet at the end of it), I realize that there is no turning back. Words have been said and must not be taken back. It's not that I regret doing these things. I don't regret them. But if I could turn back time I will do it better, smoother.
I said in Facebook, I am like an albatross--because albatrosses are known for their clumsy landings. And I am like that now, ungraceful in a sense. But even in these times of unease, the Lord continues to guide me, minister to me. In spite of my weaknesses, He is the grace that is all sufficient for me, for us. Sometimes I think that God would allow me to go through this just to bring me across--or push me across. Last Carecell, someone shared an illustration about how some tourist visited the Statue of Liberty. It was 4 hours queue to be able to go to the top of Statue of Liberty and see the breath-taking view. As he went up, he already sees the view from the windows. And at last, he reaches the top. And the guard says, "You have three minutes to take it in!" Four hours for three minutes? And the view is not that different from when he was climbing up. The moral lesson: Life is a journey not a destination. God reveals himself even in the minute routines of our journey. This calling is long overdue, but I have a lot of what if's and will have more. But God puts up with it. He honors even faith as small as mustard seeds.
I was listening yesterday to this podcast, and what the preacher said confronted me of my true state. He said God is not somewhere else, He is with you whichever circumstance you are in. I am tempted to feel that I am doing this because God is somewhere else. It's a human default. Better is always on the other side of the fence. But in the mundane, the pains and the fears and instabilities God is there. This is not a solution for a more heightened experience of God, God has been always with me. So why am I doing this I ask myself. I am doing this because in this season, this is where God wants me to be. I am at the Lord's disposal.
I was listening yesterday to this podcast, and what the preacher said confronted me of my true state. He said God is not somewhere else, He is with you whichever circumstance you are in. I am tempted to feel that I am doing this because God is somewhere else. It's a human default. Better is always on the other side of the fence. But in the mundane, the pains and the fears and instabilities God is there. This is not a solution for a more heightened experience of God, God has been always with me. So why am I doing this I ask myself. I am doing this because in this season, this is where God wants me to be. I am at the Lord's disposal.
The journey of life. I have realized what Jesus said to His disciples, "You will always have the poor with you, but I will only be for a little while". The opportunity for service and ministry will always be there. It will outrun us, it will outlive us. But the more important thing is this: During my time here on earth, how did I cultivate that relationship with my God. More than the lists of things I have done, God is more interested in who I have become in Him. And this is a constant struggle--a struggle we all have to put up while we are in this fleshly state. The desire to seek the Giver more than all His good gifts. In this time of transition I am stripped of comfort and security, and have realized that I will be in this kind of stripping for a longer haul. The institution has become a security, instead of the Solid Rock. My prayer today is that Lord center me once more where my significance is only found in You.
Toy Story 3
Today after work Nette and I decided to watch Toy Story 3 as our date night. The movie is nice. There were some light moments, heart-touching moments, but there are scenes where I felt it was too serious and emotionally demanding for a children's movie--like the "hell & hopelessness" scene. And by the way, my wife was really beautiful tonight with her hair in a ponytail :) I'm sucker for ponytails. After movie we dropped by McDonald's for sundaes and fries, we also bought pasalubong for Kal-El, the shitzu of Ate Me-anne & Kuya Jeric. It was a nice evening, a time of relaxation from all the things that are going around us. Praise God.
Season's Ramblings
I'm here today at the my office. Most of the technical crew is out ... I mean ALL of the production team is out because they are doing week-long shoot of our latest video. Me, I'm stuck here, since I work in the web department, which is fine with me.
There are a lot of things that had been going on lately. Specially now that we are in this transition of moving out of our church to do campus missions. There are times that I feel stressed but if not for God's mercy and grace I would be found by the dumpster by now. Stressed because of relationships. Parting and new. I have realized I am not good at goodbyes. Though I thought before that I am. Until now I haven't said my piece to the people ought to hear it.
Is it safe to say that I am wobbly and fearful of moving forward? Many thoughts come into my mind. Am I doing the right thing? I have to do this. I am pressured when people around me expect that I have to know everything. I don't. I'm just as much as a pilgrim as you are. I am in this journey. It has ups and downs. But one thing I strive for, that is to finish strong. And the thought of finishing strong seems far out of reach. Every step or mistep might snap the cord that holds me together. But I must do this. It's time to move on.
What keeps me going on? My family, my calling, and the Lord. The Lord. Lord there are times that I feel distant from You. But I know You are still there watching and waiting for me to return. There are times that I think I have truly messed up some things. But I take hold on this character of Yours that is always able to untangle the deepest mess people get into. "When you are tempted, [God] provides." "You provide a way out." Thank You Jesus.
I am an inch closer to how Solomon felt when he wrote Ecclesiastes. Everything is meaningless. But I have to fight it, especially in these times when friends are scarce. "The poor will always be there." Service does not end. What's important is by the end, my duty to the Lord has been fulfilled. Lord, purge me with Your hottest fire. Destroy the strongholds that war against my soul. In this valleys may You alone O God be glorified.
He makes all things beautiful ...
There are a lot of things that had been going on lately. Specially now that we are in this transition of moving out of our church to do campus missions. There are times that I feel stressed but if not for God's mercy and grace I would be found by the dumpster by now. Stressed because of relationships. Parting and new. I have realized I am not good at goodbyes. Though I thought before that I am. Until now I haven't said my piece to the people ought to hear it.
Is it safe to say that I am wobbly and fearful of moving forward? Many thoughts come into my mind. Am I doing the right thing? I have to do this. I am pressured when people around me expect that I have to know everything. I don't. I'm just as much as a pilgrim as you are. I am in this journey. It has ups and downs. But one thing I strive for, that is to finish strong. And the thought of finishing strong seems far out of reach. Every step or mistep might snap the cord that holds me together. But I must do this. It's time to move on.
What keeps me going on? My family, my calling, and the Lord. The Lord. Lord there are times that I feel distant from You. But I know You are still there watching and waiting for me to return. There are times that I think I have truly messed up some things. But I take hold on this character of Yours that is always able to untangle the deepest mess people get into. "When you are tempted, [God] provides." "You provide a way out." Thank You Jesus.
I am an inch closer to how Solomon felt when he wrote Ecclesiastes. Everything is meaningless. But I have to fight it, especially in these times when friends are scarce. "The poor will always be there." Service does not end. What's important is by the end, my duty to the Lord has been fulfilled. Lord, purge me with Your hottest fire. Destroy the strongholds that war against my soul. In this valleys may You alone O God be glorified.
He makes all things beautiful ...
New Things
I have called you in righteousness. I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles ... to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison, and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness. I am the Lord, that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols. See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare. Before they spring into being I announce them to you. (Isaiah 42:6-9)
May it come ever so quickly Lord.
May it come ever so quickly Lord.
After more than 30 days ...
Wow. I haven't blogged for almost a month! There are a lot of things that had happend while I was gone (in this blog). Here are some highlights:
I continue to work in APMedia during weekdays. These past few days had been very toxic because of the flow of work, but it's good. I enjoy it. Our boss will be going on furlough and they will be returning on January 2011 so they're like wrapping up everything before they leave.
We are transitioning to move from our home church to work as campus workers in Life Source Chi Alpha in university belt.
Netty and I started staying in Makati during weekdays because of the the toll it takes for us to travel from Caloocan to Makati when we go to work.
Netty will be studying ortho in August and praise God for this provision.
I on the other hand hopefully will be going to BUDAPEST, if the Lord wills (and I want to) for a week-long World Student Conference.
Despite the ups and downs of life. I've learned once more that there is one thing that is constant--Jesus. Praise God for His covenant love and faithfulness to us.
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