Tuesday. I'm recuperating. I'm doing pretty good. I diverted myself to doing work so I will not think about it. I already did my OT reading assignment at home, so I can come in later. I have a few more things to do.
I woke up today looking at my massive dark circles in my eyes because of sleeping so late. My mom gave me Stresstabs to take. I want to get away for a while. I'm wish I could return to the Cordillera during sembreak. School retreat is coming in two weeks.
The Mind of the Melancholeric Man: Musings on Life and Ministry by Patrick Tan
"You know what 'fine' stands for, don't you?... Freaked out... Insecure... Neurotic... And Emotional..."
John Bridger, The Italian Job
Does your name begin with: P
You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of Doing anything that might harm your image or Reputation. Appearances count. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy...a good fight stimulates those vibes. You are relatively free of hang- ups.You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things.You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.
Today I had a discouraging encounter in the library. I was dismissed an hour earlier today before chapel, so I spent some time in the library to do my freelance work. After some time, the librarian alerted us that it was ten minutes to chapel time. And then, five minutes to chapel time... So there I was on the far side of the cubicles wrapping up my work. As the students thin out the library, this guy staff started alerting that it's chapel time. At this time I had no idea that it was me he was hinting. I was already standing ready to leave, but my laptop closes slow so I had to wait a few minutes. Then this guy, apparently offended by what looked like my insensitivity to his charge drew to the light switch on the side of the library where I was and turned it off with a remark on the side saying like 'what a tough nut!' At this moment I realize he was pissed at me. Then finally my computer shuts down, quickly put it in the backpack and walk fast to the door. Then the second blow came off, he said like I was some maarte, that needs to be called special names to respond.
I thought, what is it with this guy? What did I do? It's enough that I got problems of my own right now, and this guy starts violating my personal emotional space.
Now it makes me paranoid. I want to cook up answers. Maybe this guy like all computer guys are cholerics or melancholics. Maybe it was a bad day for him. I remember before walking from 7-11 to school, and we were to meet along the way, he avoided me, walking away from the sidewalk. I always hate walking there, because I always meet students from school, whom I need to decide if I'm going to say hi or what. But it seems that they do not look at me often now, and try to meet me in the eye. Maybe they concluded that I'm suplado.
But anyway, that incident ruined my day in my lowest of weeks. Instead of going back to school after lunch to spend some time in the library, I decided to head home after having lunch with Emmanuel, my Indian friend. I told him the incident which he answered in the most Christian way: Forgive, even someone deliberately steps on your foot.
The school isn't all that nice after all. This was one of the bunch of people that contribute to grow my paranoia and question my being. I am so down today. Yet time waits for no one. I have tons of things to do.
I thought, what is it with this guy? What did I do? It's enough that I got problems of my own right now, and this guy starts violating my personal emotional space.
Now it makes me paranoid. I want to cook up answers. Maybe this guy like all computer guys are cholerics or melancholics. Maybe it was a bad day for him. I remember before walking from 7-11 to school, and we were to meet along the way, he avoided me, walking away from the sidewalk. I always hate walking there, because I always meet students from school, whom I need to decide if I'm going to say hi or what. But it seems that they do not look at me often now, and try to meet me in the eye. Maybe they concluded that I'm suplado.
But anyway, that incident ruined my day in my lowest of weeks. Instead of going back to school after lunch to spend some time in the library, I decided to head home after having lunch with Emmanuel, my Indian friend. I told him the incident which he answered in the most Christian way: Forgive, even someone deliberately steps on your foot.
The school isn't all that nice after all. This was one of the bunch of people that contribute to grow my paranoia and question my being. I am so down today. Yet time waits for no one. I have tons of things to do.
Lots of things going on lately...
Today I drove to class on Research. Spent time in the library for research paper, and stayed a couple of minutes at the prayer room to deal some issues with God.
Then I had an advisor check-up with my advisor Ma'am Marcia Anderson. Ma'am Marcia is a nice old lady, currently my professor in Old Testament 1. I love her Bible storytelling during class. I am learning a lot. I am so looking forward to talking with my adviser because I want someone to share my feelings and experiences at ASCM. In my second semester at ASCM, I still feel out-of-place. Professors are kind and great, but I need some company. My classmates in the masteral are either older or too foreign to relate with. I want to be part of the 'in' crowd, the younger people of the bachelors. It's liberating able to talk with Ma'am Marcia about my love life and my struggles in life.
I'm looking forward to go the our semestral retreat this September 18-20. I have a deep need... Chapel time at school has been very difficult lately. Because He has been calling my attention, as in. Dreading and at the same time looking forward to go to chapel tomorrow.
I've been wanting to fast lately for a need. But so far, I haven't made a move. I've noticed also that I'm always craving for food. I'm not getting fat, yet the pleasure of eating and eating is getting out of hand. I think I have lots of things in mind, a problem. It will be a hard battle to fast. Looking for a right time.
I am planning to leave my job. There has been problems in the company. I am also getting unmotivated also. It's not fun work anymore. Everyday I drag myself to do the piling loads in my e-mail. I thought of joining Book of Hope team, because I think it's fun and cause-ful. I'm afraid of the change that will follow, especially on support. But in general, I am in auto-pilot to trust God and pray that His will for me be done.
Today, at two different times, I saw the girl again, with a guy following her. It didn't broke my heart. I am getting weary and dry.
Today I drove to class on Research. Spent time in the library for research paper, and stayed a couple of minutes at the prayer room to deal some issues with God.
Then I had an advisor check-up with my advisor Ma'am Marcia Anderson. Ma'am Marcia is a nice old lady, currently my professor in Old Testament 1. I love her Bible storytelling during class. I am learning a lot. I am so looking forward to talking with my adviser because I want someone to share my feelings and experiences at ASCM. In my second semester at ASCM, I still feel out-of-place. Professors are kind and great, but I need some company. My classmates in the masteral are either older or too foreign to relate with. I want to be part of the 'in' crowd, the younger people of the bachelors. It's liberating able to talk with Ma'am Marcia about my love life and my struggles in life.
I'm looking forward to go the our semestral retreat this September 18-20. I have a deep need... Chapel time at school has been very difficult lately. Because He has been calling my attention, as in. Dreading and at the same time looking forward to go to chapel tomorrow.
I've been wanting to fast lately for a need. But so far, I haven't made a move. I've noticed also that I'm always craving for food. I'm not getting fat, yet the pleasure of eating and eating is getting out of hand. I think I have lots of things in mind, a problem. It will be a hard battle to fast. Looking for a right time.
I am planning to leave my job. There has been problems in the company. I am also getting unmotivated also. It's not fun work anymore. Everyday I drag myself to do the piling loads in my e-mail. I thought of joining Book of Hope team, because I think it's fun and cause-ful. I'm afraid of the change that will follow, especially on support. But in general, I am in auto-pilot to trust God and pray that His will for me be done.
Today, at two different times, I saw the girl again, with a guy following her. It didn't broke my heart. I am getting weary and dry.
Today I went to check out a synagogue (Jewish place of worship) as a field trip on our Old Testament 1 class with our beloved professor Marcia Anderson. The experience was amazing. The synagogue was located in Salcedo Village in Makati and is the only synagogue in the Philippines.
We were introduced to a rabbi which I forgot to pronounce his name, something like Eliya-. He was a Hispanic Jewish rabbi originally from Puerto Rico and his wife is from Colombia. Both lived in Israel for a long time. He brought us to their sanctuary and explained the Judaist religion and answered our question about Judaism. He even allowed us to see their sacred Torah (Pentateuch) which is their Bible.
I am impressed of this young rabbi's charisma and passion for his faith. But sadly, Judaism doesn't accept Jesus Christ as their Messiah. He strongly explained to us that Jews are still waiting for the Messiah to come to bring back and unite Israel.
After almost 3 hours in the synagogue I went to the Liberal Party office to do a new project with them. After the meeting, I learned that I left the car keys locked inside the car. This was the second time that it has happened. So I went back to Manila to meet my dad who has the spare key and returned to the car. Then I went home feeling tired and stupid.
Today was my brother's 19th birthday. We celebrated at home.
We were introduced to a rabbi which I forgot to pronounce his name, something like Eliya-. He was a Hispanic Jewish rabbi originally from Puerto Rico and his wife is from Colombia. Both lived in Israel for a long time. He brought us to their sanctuary and explained the Judaist religion and answered our question about Judaism. He even allowed us to see their sacred Torah (Pentateuch) which is their Bible.
I am impressed of this young rabbi's charisma and passion for his faith. But sadly, Judaism doesn't accept Jesus Christ as their Messiah. He strongly explained to us that Jews are still waiting for the Messiah to come to bring back and unite Israel.
After almost 3 hours in the synagogue I went to the Liberal Party office to do a new project with them. After the meeting, I learned that I left the car keys locked inside the car. This was the second time that it has happened. So I went back to Manila to meet my dad who has the spare key and returned to the car. Then I went home feeling tired and stupid.
Today was my brother's 19th birthday. We celebrated at home.
I Used to Be A God
I was too modest to admit it publicly
But I knew I was God.
What I wanted was right
And I knew those who were righteous
Or unrighteous
By whether or not they did what I wanted.
The good people praised me
Honored me
Believed whatever I spoke
The evil ones did not.
I intended to make my world happy
If those in my world were obedient to my desires
I rewarded them
If they dissented
I made them miserable.
The only problem I had when I was God
Was my competition
Not from my fellow gods
Who clamored and campaigned to assert their own deity
But from the one who said
"I AM THAT I AM."
He claimed to be the Creator
And Sustainer of the universe
He claimed that though men might kill
He had the power to raise from the dead
At first I decided
His claims were irrelevant
Life is NOW
Death is…?
Like all claimants to godhood
I lived with the fear that people
Might discover that I was a phony
After all, none of US created the universe!
And as for rising from the dead
I had to admit
That I was afraid to be caught dead!
I had to resign from being God
I was forced by my conscience
To renounce my claims of righteousness
I had to turn to that One who proved He was the Creator
By rising from the grave.
Now that I am no longer God
I can't give commandments
But I do have some advice
For those who might still think they are God.
DON'T BE CAUGHT DEAD WITHOUT JESUS!
Only He has the power over death.
If you can't take my word for it
Take His—
1 Corinthians, Chapter 15.
— Moishe Rosen, Jews for Jesus
But I knew I was God.
What I wanted was right
And I knew those who were righteous
Or unrighteous
By whether or not they did what I wanted.
The good people praised me
Honored me
Believed whatever I spoke
The evil ones did not.
I intended to make my world happy
If those in my world were obedient to my desires
I rewarded them
If they dissented
I made them miserable.
The only problem I had when I was God
Was my competition
Not from my fellow gods
Who clamored and campaigned to assert their own deity
But from the one who said
"I AM THAT I AM."
He claimed to be the Creator
And Sustainer of the universe
He claimed that though men might kill
He had the power to raise from the dead
At first I decided
His claims were irrelevant
Life is NOW
Death is…?
Like all claimants to godhood
I lived with the fear that people
Might discover that I was a phony
After all, none of US created the universe!
And as for rising from the dead
I had to admit
That I was afraid to be caught dead!
I had to resign from being God
I was forced by my conscience
To renounce my claims of righteousness
I had to turn to that One who proved He was the Creator
By rising from the grave.
Now that I am no longer God
I can't give commandments
But I do have some advice
For those who might still think they are God.
DON'T BE CAUGHT DEAD WITHOUT JESUS!
Only He has the power over death.
If you can't take my word for it
Take His—
1 Corinthians, Chapter 15.
— Moishe Rosen, Jews for Jesus
Sad news, after the Greek airliner crash. Now a Colombian airliner crashes in Venezuela killing 152 people. http://www.airdisaster.com/
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