The Mind of the Melancholeric Man: Musings on Life and Ministry by Patrick Tan
I Believe There is More
You have been good to me
You have been good to me
You have been gracious
You have been faithful
Meeting my needs
Lord, it's so plain to see
You have been good to me
I have been given so much
I can't even Begin to thank You
And still I believe there is more
I believe there is more I believe
So open my hands to receive
All that Your love has in store
Lord, I believe
Everything I have done
All that I've said and sung
Lifting Your story giving You glory
That's just the beginning
Father, I know there is more
Power to heal and restore
Miracles wonders blessings unnumbered
Love never-ending
Exceeding abundantly
More than our minds can imagine
Love overflowing
You are bestowing
Day after day after day
Becoming 30
I've been catching myself twice now saying I'm past my prime. I just turned 30 last September 11. And two times I spoke in the pulpit I have caught myself saying to the young to serve God while they are young because being 30, it's past the prime age to serve God. It's like I blurt it out of nowhere. It's good that I have this time to really reflect on what I'm saying. I am wondering myself what's in my heart that convinces me to say this. So I look into myself.
When I say that, I feel that I have accomplished something. Like a soldier who has been to the war, talking to the ones who are just going out to war. There is some truth in that, but there's also a hint of pride. I wanted to hear, wow you've been through a lot, I wanted to feel a pat on the back. Is this assessment true? Sometimes I can be hard on myself. And now I'm confused.
But as I reflect upon this it's nice to hear, but I refuse to believe that. Something inside me refuses to accept this sort of lie--that I'm past my prime. I hear myself criticizing myself, really you are past your prime? How about the next 50 years more? Are you going to live and look at today from the past's perspective? I refuse to accept that. How about the other statement you say and the declaration that you pray over people, that the best days of their life are still to come? Don't you believe that perhaps and more likely God has still something in store for you in the future, that the best days of your life are still ahead of you?
Yes. The best days of my life are still ahead of me. I am not past my prime yet. I remember Caleb that even at the end of his life he said that he can still fight wars and he refused to retire.
"... just as the LORD promised, he has kept me alive for forty-five years since the time he said this to Moses, while Israel moved about in the wilderness. So here I am today, eighty-five years old! I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I’m just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then." - Joshua 14:10-11
I want to be like that. I refuse to view today from the perspective of past glories and victories. His mercies are NEW every morning. I'm tempted to say 30 is the new 20. But I think it's another deviation from reality. 30 is 30. But Being 30, I'll celebrate God's faithfulness in the last decade. In the last 10 years (2001-2010):
- I've supported myself out of college and graduated in Architecture.
- I've received my calling as a minister of the gospel.
- God has allowed me to serve Him in many ways, especially through young people.
- I've entered the seminary and finished my M. Div.
- God has blessed me with family who continues to be a constant support in my life.
- God has blessed me with a wonderful wife for whom and to whom I'm so grateful.
- And many, many more. I've been blessed.
Being 30, I look forward for the new decade, new season, new adventure of my walk with God.
Thank God for helping me put things in perspective. My advice, prepare to become thirty and settle your hang-ups (I feel with so much busyness I've failed to prepare myself about this). Face the truth. Celebrate the past, live in the now, and anticipate the best days that are yet to come.
My prayer is that God, make it more clearer, strip me off the accolades so that I may see myself from Your eyes. Because that's what matters. I cannot satisfy the world's standards because I am not of the world, just as Jesus is. My identity is in Christ.
Philippians 3: 7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
Balanga & Bilaonan
Yesterday and the day before I was on the field again for Chi Alpha. Last Friday Ptr. Alvin and I visited Bataan Peninsula State University. The local XA has invited us to do a How to Succeed in College seminar for the freshmen students of Mechanical Engineering. 85 students showed up and heard the gospel. They are now going to follow up on them. XA-BPSU has been experiencing growth in the past few months. Before they are meeting as one group and it's one big group, but now they multiplied themselves into 5 small groups, one per school day. The XA president even remarks that she recognizes new faces added to each group that she doesn't know some of them anymore. It's a lesson. Learn to take smart risks. If the risk is worth trying then do it.
By 2PM I was already in the bus station in Balanga, en route to Pangasinan. NLDC XA is holding its first district XA congress in Lubic Bible College. The trip took longer than I expected. I was traveling alone, and felt lonely, conversing with God. And I was reminded that Jesus had moments of aloneness, not loneliness. I arrived at sabatan (intersection in Ilocano) a few more steps to the bible school. I was greeted by voices of young people singing worship songs. Brian, one of the XA leaders was already waiting for me at the gate. We went up to the room where they gathered and the classroom was filled with XA leaders from different campuses worshipping God. I was amazed. No time to meet and greet, I joined the chorus and started worshipping God. How awesome is His presence. I can't keep myself from crying because of what God has showed me. Earlier in Bataan and now in Pangasinan/La-Union. God is moving among the young people, despite of the storms raging elsewhere. After that wonderful worship, I led the session about Envisioning a Culture where Movement of Multiplying Disciples Thrive. I led two more sessions the next day. It was a great time of fellowship with Ptr. Crame and Ptr. Ley and the local XA leaders in the campuses.
It was raining non-stop when I finally boarded the bus back to Manila. Another time to reflect and think where is God in this, where He is leading me. As I read today's devotion, I am reminded to keep my priorities straight, and keep the one thing at the forefront:
"... I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me ... One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Ph 3:12-14
I need a motivation
1AM. I am back again in blogger. Non-commital. Tumblr has been blurred and vague.
Anyway, I just finished working on the things needed for our major company meeting tomorrow. It seems that now that our boss is back we will get some more work done. I've been thinking and reflecting about how this work fits my future. Going back I came in this ministry company March 2010 shortly after my wedding. The motivation: I need to get a stable job. The proposal: Flexible work week. But as the time pass by there has been an unspoken rule to report daily. My late check-ins are not helping either. My freelance work, booming. Makes me think that I need to trust God more. In fact for the past 3 months I've been recording our financial make-up, God has provided enough to make us survive the month. How He provides is just amazing. So going back to my day job, it feels that like charity. Well in a way it should be. One of my superiors himself have told me that they are not paying me as much as I should be paid. I think someone here needs to give us a vision and a motivation. So what's keeping me to my desk? A few reasons come to mind.
Day in the Life: Lesson Learned
It’s Sunday morning in Mansalay, Oriental Mindoro and I’m waiting for someone to pick me up and bring me to the church that I will preach in today. Yesterday was the reason we’re here. We had a whole day student rally and Chi Alpha campaign for Oriental Mindoro. The rally was great. There were 100+ students present, mostly high school students. We introduced Chi Alpha to them that had never been heard before, except for a few oldies who said they were a part of Chi Alpha in the University Belt back in the 60s! We taught the students how to share the gospel and the importance of evangelism and discipleship. In the afternoon, we sent them out in the community for one hour hands-on evangelism exposure. They came back with 59 salvations made! Praise God for this. It’s amazing how God can move in a heart of a student and young person. These prayers that have been made I know have made impact for eternity. I have seen the power of prayer and the power of God in response to prayer.
Going to Oriental Mindoro was a struggle between me and God, though not a heavy one. Perhaps because it’s because the humanity in me that wants to know the plan before stepping into it. There were challenges, financially and by location. I thought the event was going to be in the capital city Calapan, but a few hours before I leave for Manila, I was informed that the event was going to be held in Mansalay which according to Wikipedia was a 3rd-class municipality. I told myself, surely this is not the educational hub of this province. Then there is my hesitation to leave because I’m parting again with my wife. As we grow closer together, the harder it is to part.
The day before we left, I was able to catch via live streaming the youth service of US General Council in Phoenix. The speaker was a missionary to a restricted location in Thailand. He told one story that really caught my attention and felt it was God speaking to me. He told about a time when he was a missionary in India, when God spoke to him to reach the highest inhabited village in the Himalayas. It was an exciting assignment for him. So he packed everything that he could give to these people, reading materials and Book of Hopes, one heavy load. And made a five day trek upward. But when he reached the highest inhabited village, he was disappointed to see that there were only four houses! But not only that, seeming to add insult to injury, they learned that the people cannot read! In his mind, he had a lot of questions to God, of bringing him there. But God spoke to him saying, “I love these people, and I want everyone to have a chance at hearing the gospel.”
That struck a chord in my heart. Here am I questioning God for sending me to this place. God made it clear. Everybody deserves a chance at salvation. Every soul is important, every student not a lesser value than those in the cities.
Slowly God’s sovereignty begins unfolding. The missionary at the council said, “God doesn’t give you the whole plan, because you can’t handle it!” And it was on a positive note, that when we know how much God has in store for His children, of how God will use His children yielded to Him in our lifetimes, we might breakdown in such awesomeness. He wants us to trust Him, always.
So I learned that they held the event in this place because this place has the biggest concentration of AG churches. And despite the heavy rains the previous day and hours before the event, God sent the young people. Students who are eager to learn and be used by God.
The trip was also a communion with God—with His creation, the mountains, trees and the beach … and with His people. These people are abundant in resources in another kind. They fed us well with the fruits of the sea (fish and crabs), let us sleep in their own beds, and extended graciousness beyond average, a superb country hospitality, and grace extended through the Spirit that dwells in them.
Lesson learned. Everyone deserves a chance to hear the gospel. “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise … He is patient … not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
Going to Oriental Mindoro was a struggle between me and God, though not a heavy one. Perhaps because it’s because the humanity in me that wants to know the plan before stepping into it. There were challenges, financially and by location. I thought the event was going to be in the capital city Calapan, but a few hours before I leave for Manila, I was informed that the event was going to be held in Mansalay which according to Wikipedia was a 3rd-class municipality. I told myself, surely this is not the educational hub of this province. Then there is my hesitation to leave because I’m parting again with my wife. As we grow closer together, the harder it is to part.
The day before we left, I was able to catch via live streaming the youth service of US General Council in Phoenix. The speaker was a missionary to a restricted location in Thailand. He told one story that really caught my attention and felt it was God speaking to me. He told about a time when he was a missionary in India, when God spoke to him to reach the highest inhabited village in the Himalayas. It was an exciting assignment for him. So he packed everything that he could give to these people, reading materials and Book of Hopes, one heavy load. And made a five day trek upward. But when he reached the highest inhabited village, he was disappointed to see that there were only four houses! But not only that, seeming to add insult to injury, they learned that the people cannot read! In his mind, he had a lot of questions to God, of bringing him there. But God spoke to him saying, “I love these people, and I want everyone to have a chance at hearing the gospel.”
That struck a chord in my heart. Here am I questioning God for sending me to this place. God made it clear. Everybody deserves a chance at salvation. Every soul is important, every student not a lesser value than those in the cities.
Slowly God’s sovereignty begins unfolding. The missionary at the council said, “God doesn’t give you the whole plan, because you can’t handle it!” And it was on a positive note, that when we know how much God has in store for His children, of how God will use His children yielded to Him in our lifetimes, we might breakdown in such awesomeness. He wants us to trust Him, always.
So I learned that they held the event in this place because this place has the biggest concentration of AG churches. And despite the heavy rains the previous day and hours before the event, God sent the young people. Students who are eager to learn and be used by God.
The trip was also a communion with God—with His creation, the mountains, trees and the beach … and with His people. These people are abundant in resources in another kind. They fed us well with the fruits of the sea (fish and crabs), let us sleep in their own beds, and extended graciousness beyond average, a superb country hospitality, and grace extended through the Spirit that dwells in them.
Lesson learned. Everyone deserves a chance to hear the gospel. “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise … He is patient … not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
Day in the Life
Back to blogging ... hopefully. Today is Sunday and waiting on my wife as we go to church. We will be going to Binondo today. Ptr. Herb and Karen Johnson once our senior pastor in Binondo, the one before our current pastor is speaking today at church. A few months ago, they were in Papua New Guinea for mission and an unfortunate event happened. Thank God they are okay. But am wondering how they would respond at the changes in our lives. For one, last time they were in Binondo I was still a pastor there, now we're out doing mission. I hope everything turns out well.
The Garment
Excerpt from Max Lucado's In the Grip of Grace:
"My only qualification for writing a book on grace is the clothing I wear. Let me explain.
For years I owned an elegant suit complete with coat, trousers, even a gat. I considered myself quite dapper in the outfit and was confident when others agreed.
The pants were cut from the cloth of my good works, sturdy fabric of deeds done and projects completed. Some studies here, some sermons there. Many people complimented my trousers, and I confess, I tended to hitch them up in public so people would notice them.
The coat was equally impressive. It was woven together from my convictions. Each day I dressed myself in deep feelings of religious fervor. My emotions were quite strong. So strong, in fact, that I was often asked to model my cloak of zeal in public gatherings to inspire others. Of course I was happy to comply.
While there I’d also display my hat, a feathered cap of knowledge. Formed with my own hands from the fabric of personal opinion, I wore it proudly.
Surely God is impressed with my garments, I often thought. Occasionally I strutted into His presence so he could compliment the self-tailored wear. He never spoke. His silence must mean admiration, I convinced myself.
But then my wardrobe began to suffer. The fabric of my trousers grew thin. My best works started coming unstitched. I began leaving more undone tan done, and what little I did was nothing to boast about.
No problem, I thought. I’ll work harder.
But working harder was a problem. There was a hole in my coat of convictions. My resolve was threadbare. A cold wind cut into my chest. I reached up to pull my hat down firmly, and the brim ripped off in my hands.
Over a period of a few months, my wardrobe of self-righteousness completely unraveled. I went from tailored gentlemen’s apparel to beggars’ rags. Fearful that God might be angry at my tattered suit, I did my best to stitch it together and cover my mistakes. But the cloth was so worn. And the wind was so icy. I gave up. I went back to God. (Where else could I go?)
On a wintry Thursday afternoon, I stepped into his presence, not for applause, but for warmth. My prayer was feeble.
“I feel naked.”
“You are. And you have been for a long time.”
What he did next I’ll never forget. “I have something to give you,” he said. He gently removed the remaining threads and then picked up a robe, a regal robe, the clothing of his own goodness.
He wrapped it around my shoulder. His words to me were tender. “My son, you are now clothed with Christ” (see Gal . 3:27)
Though I’d sung the hymn a thousand times, I finally understood it:
Dressed in his righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.”
"My only qualification for writing a book on grace is the clothing I wear. Let me explain.
For years I owned an elegant suit complete with coat, trousers, even a gat. I considered myself quite dapper in the outfit and was confident when others agreed.
The pants were cut from the cloth of my good works, sturdy fabric of deeds done and projects completed. Some studies here, some sermons there. Many people complimented my trousers, and I confess, I tended to hitch them up in public so people would notice them.
The coat was equally impressive. It was woven together from my convictions. Each day I dressed myself in deep feelings of religious fervor. My emotions were quite strong. So strong, in fact, that I was often asked to model my cloak of zeal in public gatherings to inspire others. Of course I was happy to comply.
While there I’d also display my hat, a feathered cap of knowledge. Formed with my own hands from the fabric of personal opinion, I wore it proudly.
Surely God is impressed with my garments, I often thought. Occasionally I strutted into His presence so he could compliment the self-tailored wear. He never spoke. His silence must mean admiration, I convinced myself.
But then my wardrobe began to suffer. The fabric of my trousers grew thin. My best works started coming unstitched. I began leaving more undone tan done, and what little I did was nothing to boast about.
No problem, I thought. I’ll work harder.
But working harder was a problem. There was a hole in my coat of convictions. My resolve was threadbare. A cold wind cut into my chest. I reached up to pull my hat down firmly, and the brim ripped off in my hands.
Over a period of a few months, my wardrobe of self-righteousness completely unraveled. I went from tailored gentlemen’s apparel to beggars’ rags. Fearful that God might be angry at my tattered suit, I did my best to stitch it together and cover my mistakes. But the cloth was so worn. And the wind was so icy. I gave up. I went back to God. (Where else could I go?)
On a wintry Thursday afternoon, I stepped into his presence, not for applause, but for warmth. My prayer was feeble.
“I feel naked.”
“You are. And you have been for a long time.”
What he did next I’ll never forget. “I have something to give you,” he said. He gently removed the remaining threads and then picked up a robe, a regal robe, the clothing of his own goodness.
He wrapped it around my shoulder. His words to me were tender. “My son, you are now clothed with Christ” (see Gal . 3:27)
Though I’d sung the hymn a thousand times, I finally understood it:
Dressed in his righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.”
Raised Up for Such A Time as This
The Story. Haman decides to annihilate the Jews because Mordecai refused to bow down to him. Mordecai runs to her cousin Queen Esther to ask the king for help. Their conversation unfolds in the following passage:
Esther 4:11 "All the king's officials and the people of the royal provinces know that for any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned the king has but one law: that they be put to death unless the king extends the gold scepter to them and spares their lives. But thirty days have passed since I was called to go to the king."
12 When Esther's words were reported to Mordecai, 13 he sent back this answer: "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. 14 For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?"
15 Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: 16 "Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish."
----
The Risk - Showing up to the king unsummoned many cause you your life unless the king is pleased with you. Many Christian are afraid of sharing Christ for the risk of being ridiculed, isolated and rejected. But what if you share Christ and it turned out to be a positive experience for you and your listener?
"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance ... will arise from another place ..." - Your refusal to speak about Christ will not hinder the Lord's work. He will choose another person through whom he will speak. You have missed a great opportunity lang naman!
"You .. will perish" (one day and eventually be forgotten).
"And who knows but that you have come to your position for such a time as this?" - Who knows? God knows! God has placed you where you are--in that class, that office, that community so you can "show forth the praises of Him". To the Christian student, you are not just a student who happens to be a Christian; you are a Christian who happens to be a student! God has raised you up for this purpose, to be a light in your campus; to be a star of Bethlehem to your friends that will point them to Christ. Seize the opportunity!
"If I perish, I perish" - May our love for Christ and other, and our obedience to Him outshine our fears. Who knows? God knows! He has raised you up for such a time as this! Share Christ today!
Esther 4:11 "All the king's officials and the people of the royal provinces know that for any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned the king has but one law: that they be put to death unless the king extends the gold scepter to them and spares their lives. But thirty days have passed since I was called to go to the king."
12 When Esther's words were reported to Mordecai, 13 he sent back this answer: "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. 14 For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?"
15 Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: 16 "Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish."
----
The Risk - Showing up to the king unsummoned many cause you your life unless the king is pleased with you. Many Christian are afraid of sharing Christ for the risk of being ridiculed, isolated and rejected. But what if you share Christ and it turned out to be a positive experience for you and your listener?
"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance ... will arise from another place ..." - Your refusal to speak about Christ will not hinder the Lord's work. He will choose another person through whom he will speak. You have missed a great opportunity lang naman!
"You .. will perish" (one day and eventually be forgotten).
"And who knows but that you have come to your position for such a time as this?" - Who knows? God knows! God has placed you where you are--in that class, that office, that community so you can "show forth the praises of Him". To the Christian student, you are not just a student who happens to be a Christian; you are a Christian who happens to be a student! God has raised you up for this purpose, to be a light in your campus; to be a star of Bethlehem to your friends that will point them to Christ. Seize the opportunity!
"If I perish, I perish" - May our love for Christ and other, and our obedience to Him outshine our fears. Who knows? God knows! He has raised you up for such a time as this! Share Christ today!
Luke 24:44 He said to them, "This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms."
 45 Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures.  46 He told them, "This is what is written: The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day,  47 and repentance for the forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.  48 You are witnesses of these things.  49 I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high."
It was only when Jesus "opened their minds" that the disciples finally understood the main thing. Sometimes we get caught up in our own understanding of what God is trying to do--from our perspectives and limitations. The disciples thought Jesus' plan was for a national revolt to restore Israel to it's early glorious reign. Imagine their dismay when their leader was killed. Even until when Jesus resurrected from the grave, their mindsets remained. But Jesus' had his eyes set on something greater, far grander than any human mind could comprehend. The disciples thought about national revolution, Jesus aimed for universal redemption.
There are times I get caught up with the details of life. I tend to look at life with a magnifying glass. In focusing on the minute, I miss the big picture. And when I finally see what God is doing in the tapestry of His grand design, I get overwhelmed. I ask, does my work bring value in God's work? Am I a Martha who misses "what is of utmost importance--sitting at the Master's feet?"
- Jesus has declared it, the gospel will be preached to all nations.
- You are his witness. And God is sending you.
- Be clothed with power from on high. You cannot give what you don't have. Don't forget your TAWG-Time Alone with God (Read the Bible, pray and be filled with the Holy Spirit)
 45 Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures.  46 He told them, "This is what is written: The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day,  47 and repentance for the forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.  48 You are witnesses of these things.  49 I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high."
It was only when Jesus "opened their minds" that the disciples finally understood the main thing. Sometimes we get caught up in our own understanding of what God is trying to do--from our perspectives and limitations. The disciples thought Jesus' plan was for a national revolt to restore Israel to it's early glorious reign. Imagine their dismay when their leader was killed. Even until when Jesus resurrected from the grave, their mindsets remained. But Jesus' had his eyes set on something greater, far grander than any human mind could comprehend. The disciples thought about national revolution, Jesus aimed for universal redemption.
There are times I get caught up with the details of life. I tend to look at life with a magnifying glass. In focusing on the minute, I miss the big picture. And when I finally see what God is doing in the tapestry of His grand design, I get overwhelmed. I ask, does my work bring value in God's work? Am I a Martha who misses "what is of utmost importance--sitting at the Master's feet?"
- Jesus has declared it, the gospel will be preached to all nations.
- You are his witness. And God is sending you.
- Be clothed with power from on high. You cannot give what you don't have. Don't forget your TAWG-Time Alone with God (Read the Bible, pray and be filled with the Holy Spirit)
Verses to Keep
The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. - 1Sa 16:7
You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel ... it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give all of you into our hands. - 1Sa 17:45-47
You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel ... it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give all of you into our hands. - 1Sa 17:45-47
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