Patrick Tan

Sunday service. I lead worship today, God moved wonderfully in our midst.

After service, I was chatting with a businessman brother when he brought up my not pursuing my architecture career. Even as I explain to him my personal decisions to serve the Lord with much time, I can see an 'are you crazy?' written all over his face. For someone who is very logical, who would exchange an architecture career earning hundreds of thousands, as he puts it before me, for a hand at shepherding a small group of believers in faith? He told me he feels sayang (too bad) for me, that someday I would change my mind. I assured him that I would take board exams just to shut him up.

After that conversation I eagerly wanted to run away from, I felt sad and a little humiliated. Sad because this guy cannot understand my heart; and humiliated because deep in the crevices of my heart craves the approval of all people. I began to think if I am making my parents proud, suffering the same interrogations about their son's twist of lifepath. I am learning to unlearn principles which the world fuses before its generation. I am learning to be illogical. Living with a God who is not logical, who puts twists and surprises in your life, puts your carefully layouted life schedule on the shelf.

But at this point in time, I am contented, going with the flow of God. I have experienced it, 'Give us this day our daily bread', His provisions just right for today, and lacking nothing.

Lord, may the only One that I will please is You, may my heart only crave approval that is Yours.