I went to class today 30 minutes late. Coming to class, I was in the train when suddenly I smelled burned wires and rubber. It made me worry. And soon enough other people smelled it too. But no one made a move. One station away, I noticed smoke coming underneath our train. I was worried it might be some terrorist attack again, and I might become one of the casualties. It was a weird day altogether and it came sometime in my thought that it was a great day to die. I prayed that I would be kept safe until I arrive at my station. And sure enough, enough to endure the suffocating fumes, I made it.
I arrived at class with only 3 students and Dr. Ayuk. It was a great class altogether. I was able to speak my mind and participate with the discussion.
Tomorrow should be Pastor Johnson's birthday if it is a leap year. His birthday is February 29. I think he is younger than me technically.
The Mind of the Melancholeric Man: Musings on Life and Ministry by Patrick Tan
Today's our church's anniversary, we are 20 years old! Pastor Johnson and Sis. Karen are back from States and they are our special guest speakers. I'm so happy they are back. They gave a very timely message for a church whose age doesn't match its size. He talked about Little Commission (cf, the Great Commission), about not venturing out to Samaria and Judea, yet, but looking for the lost sheep of Israel. I lead worship today.. The youth had a great skit. After service we had great fellowship over free and abundant lunch.
I've been experiencing the story of the Tale of Three Kings from both sides today. The Tale of Three Kings is the story about Israel's kings Saul, David and Absolom. Lord, please help me to be David on both sides. I have the right to say what I want in my blog right?
Last Friday after band practice I went to a party for my classmate's board exam passing celebration. I'm so glad to have met my classmates. Because even though we do not see each other often anymore. There's a classmate-bond between us, that we could be, or I could be myself, be the web designer - frustrated architect guy. They have already learned about my pastoring and my study in bible school. And I am quite happy how I conducted myself to them, I wasn't shy or anything, it was now a fact in broad daylight. So much has changed in our outlook in life, each going to his own way. I realized that there is still that level of maturity, clear difinitive levels from when I was in highschool, college and now as a young adult.
To Marvin: Marvs, I heard the news. congrats! You know what I'm talking about and you know I am very happy for you!
Jet is on my feet comfortably sleeping..
I've been experiencing the story of the Tale of Three Kings from both sides today. The Tale of Three Kings is the story about Israel's kings Saul, David and Absolom. Lord, please help me to be David on both sides. I have the right to say what I want in my blog right?
Last Friday after band practice I went to a party for my classmate's board exam passing celebration. I'm so glad to have met my classmates. Because even though we do not see each other often anymore. There's a classmate-bond between us, that we could be, or I could be myself, be the web designer - frustrated architect guy. They have already learned about my pastoring and my study in bible school. And I am quite happy how I conducted myself to them, I wasn't shy or anything, it was now a fact in broad daylight. So much has changed in our outlook in life, each going to his own way. I realized that there is still that level of maturity, clear difinitive levels from when I was in highschool, college and now as a young adult.
To Marvin: Marvs, I heard the news. congrats! You know what I'm talking about and you know I am very happy for you!
Jet is on my feet comfortably sleeping..
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Hold On by Jet
(Spiderman 2 OST)
You tried so hard to be someone | That you forgot who you are | You tried to fill some emptiness | ‘Til all you had spilled over | Now everything’s so far away | That you don’t know where you are, you are
When all that you wanted | And all that you had | Don’t seem so much | For you to hold on to | For you to hold on to | For you to belong to
When it’s hard to be yourself | It’s not to be someone else | Still everything’s so far away | That you forget where you are, you are
When all that you wanted | And all that you had | Don’t seem so much | For you to hold on to | For you to hold on to
Hold on, hold on | Hold on, hold on | Hold on, hold on | Hold on, hold on
When all that you wanted | And all that you had | Don’t seem so much | For you to hold on to | For you to hold on to | For you to belong to
You tried so hard to be someone | That you forgot who you are | You tried to fill some emptiness | ‘Til all you had spilled over | Now everything’s so far away | That you don’t know where you are, you are
When all that you wanted | And all that you had | Don’t seem so much | For you to hold on to | For you to hold on to | For you to belong to
When it’s hard to be yourself | It’s not to be someone else | Still everything’s so far away | That you forget where you are, you are
When all that you wanted | And all that you had | Don’t seem so much | For you to hold on to | For you to hold on to
Hold on, hold on | Hold on, hold on | Hold on, hold on | Hold on, hold on
When all that you wanted | And all that you had | Don’t seem so much | For you to hold on to | For you to hold on to | For you to belong to
Cat's Dream by Pablo Neruda
How neatly a cat sleeps,
sleeps with its paws and its posture,
sleeps with its wicked claws,
and with its unfeeling blood,
sleeps with all the rings--
a series of burnt circles--
which have formed the odd geology
of its sand-colored tail.
I should like to sleep like a cat,
with all the fur of time,
with a tongue rough as flint,
with the dry sex of fire;
and after speaking to no one,
stretch myself over the world,
over roofs and landscapes,
with a passionate desire
to hunt the rats in my dreams.
I have seen how the cat asleep
would undulate, how the night
flowed through it like dark water;
and at times, it was going to fall
or possibly plunge into
the bare deserted snowdrifts.
Sometimes it grew so much in sleep
like a tiger's great-grandfather,
and would leap in the darkness over
rooftops, clouds and volcanoes.
Sleep, sleep cat of the night,
with episcopal ceremony
and your stone-carved moustache.
Take care of all our dreams;
control the obscurity
of our slumbering prowess
with your relentless heart
and the great ruff of your tail.
The Saddest Poem by Pablo Neruda
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
Yesterday our young people held our quarterly All-out Praise And Worship concert. It was a success. Lots of young people came, and even more amazing was how the young people responded to the event. There went a slight glitch in the program that made us do an impromptu halfway through the concert. But it was an open leading of the Holy Spirit.
Here were the set of songs we did:
Set 1: Shout Your Fame, One Way, In the Secret, Everyday, I Will Celebrate, To The Ends of The Earth, You Are My God, Reaching for You...
Set 2: You Are My King, Here I Am to Worship, One Desire...
Set 3: Arise, Let Everything that has Breath, Trading My Sorrows, Awesome in this Place, We Wanna See Jesus Lifted High...
Here were the set of songs we did:
Set 1: Shout Your Fame, One Way, In the Secret, Everyday, I Will Celebrate, To The Ends of The Earth, You Are My God, Reaching for You...
Set 2: You Are My King, Here I Am to Worship, One Desire...
Set 3: Arise, Let Everything that has Breath, Trading My Sorrows, Awesome in this Place, We Wanna See Jesus Lifted High...
"Inner Ramblings in a Terrace at Noon"
Kalookan, noon:
I am sitting now at our terrace. Lounging; waiting. The day is bright, it’s noon. I can see trees swaying by the wind. Pigeons fly by my view. A sea of houses, suburbs. I can hear children passing through the streets. Tricycle, rooster, men, birds, running children, I hear. Viewing from a terrace lined with green plants, facing away from me and to their father sun. Terrace of grey marble. I hear a calm gush of water from the aquarium – left moss-covered and green. Cats bathe in light, licking their paws, playing with each other, a happy sight. I am lounging, thinking, reflecting. Bird perch by the terrace grills. It’s windy. Cat hair & dirt flies at random. Mama calls for lunch. I smell adobo.
Reflecting on my spiritual life, my character, my leadership, my romance, my future
Thinking what can I do, what I should have done, what I would do
I feel heavy, frustrated, content, calm, eager, limited, anticipating
Waiting for a friend, a hand to reach out in the midst of pawns
To see me as I am, not what I do or what I have or what I am supposed to be
I am a creature longing to be set free, free as a bird
At this moment, I sail alone in this life-voyage, composed yet pointless
Today I eat, tomorrow I die. Life is but a chasing of a wind.
I dream of shore, my Promise Land. But no land at sight…
Waiting, watching from a distance, putting meaning on what seems to have none
I feel insignificant inside my cloak of pride. My life would be a waste, if not for You.
I am learning to put my faith not on people of weak spirits but to You
“Search me, Oh God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts.”
I am sitting now at our terrace. Lounging; waiting. The day is bright, it’s noon. I can see trees swaying by the wind. Pigeons fly by my view. A sea of houses, suburbs. I can hear children passing through the streets. Tricycle, rooster, men, birds, running children, I hear. Viewing from a terrace lined with green plants, facing away from me and to their father sun. Terrace of grey marble. I hear a calm gush of water from the aquarium – left moss-covered and green. Cats bathe in light, licking their paws, playing with each other, a happy sight. I am lounging, thinking, reflecting. Bird perch by the terrace grills. It’s windy. Cat hair & dirt flies at random. Mama calls for lunch. I smell adobo.
Reflecting on my spiritual life, my character, my leadership, my romance, my future
Thinking what can I do, what I should have done, what I would do
I feel heavy, frustrated, content, calm, eager, limited, anticipating
Waiting for a friend, a hand to reach out in the midst of pawns
To see me as I am, not what I do or what I have or what I am supposed to be
I am a creature longing to be set free, free as a bird
At this moment, I sail alone in this life-voyage, composed yet pointless
Today I eat, tomorrow I die. Life is but a chasing of a wind.
I dream of shore, my Promise Land. But no land at sight…
Waiting, watching from a distance, putting meaning on what seems to have none
I feel insignificant inside my cloak of pride. My life would be a waste, if not for You.
I am learning to put my faith not on people of weak spirits but to You
“Search me, Oh God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts.”
Rebuilding My Life
Look what I just did: I erased my existing calendar & tasks, and restructured my schedule, like brandnew. I think this will help in my effort to simplify my life right now, less stress. I am so wanting for summer to come because (1) I get to go places and (2) I'll be off from school, I mean I like school, but one worry on hibernate mode. I believe three master subjects is causing me some major stress issues in my physical and mental body.
I had a class today on Stress and Conflict Management. And I just had two hours of sleep after a rush project from California (delayed na nga magsweldo demanding pa). Hay. Anyway, woke up 7AM or so I thought. I arrived at school 8:45AM, and I was the first one in class! A miracle one would say, though this is my second time to arrive first. Ma'am Sonia, my Stress & Conflict professor is in a good mood today. After a short class, it was my first time to go to our chapel service. And I didn't regret going to it. It was awesome. Never felt the overflowing of adoration for God by a young congregation in total love for Him. I am refilled. We had guests - Korean missionaries to Mindanao and man, they are on fire! I am greatly encouraged by everything existent at that time. Pure love. And then I thought, why can't our church do that? I just came from a birthday fellowship of one of our board members. While I am exploding in exuberance to share the experience I had, my torch was snuffed. Oh the reality of dry ministry!
I am torn between two desires: To serve my church and hope that I can influence it to change, or to do what I think what's best for me - to put myself in an catalytical environment with firestarters. What if my chance for greener pasture (meaning healthy spiritual and emotional feeding) won't come if I just stay in my 'comfort zone'? I just wanna be a 'kid' again.
I am very excited for summer to arrive once again. I'll be going places - Bohol, Tagaytay, Palawan & Ilo-ilo. Woohoo!!
I am torn between two desires: To serve my church and hope that I can influence it to change, or to do what I think what's best for me - to put myself in an catalytical environment with firestarters. What if my chance for greener pasture (meaning healthy spiritual and emotional feeding) won't come if I just stay in my 'comfort zone'? I just wanna be a 'kid' again.
I am very excited for summer to arrive once again. I'll be going places - Bohol, Tagaytay, Palawan & Ilo-ilo. Woohoo!!
Just got home. I'm indulging in ice cream. Today is Chinese New Year... as we say in Chinese, 'Kiong He Huat Say', meaning Happy New Year. Just been to Chinatown with Kuya Sur & company. Finally I got a chance to meet Ate Merla & Ate Afel, they were my ate/classmates during AIYS. Both of them are Chi Alpha coordinators and they are here in Manila for a national meeting of Chi Alpha coordinators. Chi Alpha is the campus ministry arm of AG.
Today, I got a phone call (a first, and hope not the last ayt :) from Kim. She asked me to go with her to the British Consul in Ortigas. She's going to 'London' (pronounced British-ly) to do her nursing profession there. She has to take this English profeciency test first. It was a tiring journey, since Ortigas is not commuter-friendly. We had to walk from MRT to the British Consul in Emerald Avenue, and from Emerald to Megamall where the FX station is. After a quick bite we went to church for our practice for this saturday's concert.
I've been inviting my friends to go to the concert, hoping they would go. A 'bold' step for me. But some declined, others had other things to do. JP is hosting a victory party on the same night for his board exam passing. We are going to Bohol on March, I believe (positive confession makes things real)!
Today, I got a phone call (a first, and hope not the last ayt :) from Kim. She asked me to go with her to the British Consul in Ortigas. She's going to 'London' (pronounced British-ly) to do her nursing profession there. She has to take this English profeciency test first. It was a tiring journey, since Ortigas is not commuter-friendly. We had to walk from MRT to the British Consul in Emerald Avenue, and from Emerald to Megamall where the FX station is. After a quick bite we went to church for our practice for this saturday's concert.
I've been inviting my friends to go to the concert, hoping they would go. A 'bold' step for me. But some declined, others had other things to do. JP is hosting a victory party on the same night for his board exam passing. We are going to Bohol on March, I believe (positive confession makes things real)!
Sana'y masabi sa awit kong ito.
Lahat ng ninanais ng puso ko.
Sana saan man patungo sa buhay.
May pag-ibig, may pag-asa
ay saya at saysay.
Sana'y sa bawat sandali matikman pa.
Ang sarap ng pag-sasama
at simpleng ligaya.
Tara na sakyan lang
at malay mo,
nandyan lang, nandyan lang
ang hinahanap mo.
- New Coke Commercial, I like!
Lahat ng ninanais ng puso ko.
Sana saan man patungo sa buhay.
May pag-ibig, may pag-asa
ay saya at saysay.
Sana'y sa bawat sandali matikman pa.
Ang sarap ng pag-sasama
at simpleng ligaya.
Tara na sakyan lang
at malay mo,
nandyan lang, nandyan lang
ang hinahanap mo.
- New Coke Commercial, I like!
Woke up today at 10am. I should be in our school retreat today, but here I am, nailed in work. I'm still in an episode of projects I can't get out of. It was sheer necessity that I was able to finish the projects, not of passion to create something pleasing to the eye. I was also supposed to see my AIYS ates today. Sucks. I miss my honey. I miss our time together. We are both very, very busy.
I got a gallon of Double Dutch ice cream (a favorite) on the way home after delivering a project on a CD. Finally an ice cream well enjoyed. Last week I bought a pint of DD (Double Dutch; RR is for Rocky Road) ice cream, before class and wasn't able to eat halfway because the class already started. It melted and was wasted. I wonder why dried cholocate ice cream smelled so bad.
I've been lagging in updating my calendar (Mircrosoft Outlook), I dunno why, but it's affecting me bad. I'm becoming a slouch.
Learned today four out of eight of my classmates who took the architecture board exams passed. Congrats JP, eths, ira & marfe! JP and I agreed that if he passed the board exam, we will go to beach in Bohol. So the planning starts.
I got a gallon of Double Dutch ice cream (a favorite) on the way home after delivering a project on a CD. Finally an ice cream well enjoyed. Last week I bought a pint of DD (Double Dutch; RR is for Rocky Road) ice cream, before class and wasn't able to eat halfway because the class already started. It melted and was wasted. I wonder why dried cholocate ice cream smelled so bad.
I've been lagging in updating my calendar (Mircrosoft Outlook), I dunno why, but it's affecting me bad. I'm becoming a slouch.
Learned today four out of eight of my classmates who took the architecture board exams passed. Congrats JP, eths, ira & marfe! JP and I agreed that if he passed the board exam, we will go to beach in Bohol. So the planning starts.
Hi there. Woke up today for church. Been a little haggard lately. Because of the work I am receiving and doing. I have been receiving continuous projects from a friend's family and its pouring in fast. I am struggling to catch up (meaning there was no time for procrastination :) I have been dealing with lots of physical and emotional stuff lately. Emotional because days before I had a rift with my pastor about church policy. I was in the wrong. But dealing with it, reasoning and harboring ill-will etc. dampened my over-zealous spirit, as he said. I came in to church aloofed and out of place. But during the course of the service, I managed to talk to him and give up my embarassment.
My mom in Christ, Sis. Lourdes had a new car, a Toyota Altis. After service we prayed for the car outside church. Her son Mark drives the car. After that they treated us for lunch in Sincerity (a famous chicken place in Binondo). We had a great fellowship.
After lunch we went back to church to rehearse for our mini-concert this coming Saturday. We're pretty pumped up. Pray that our event will be a success as well as fun.
Got home sleeping in car. So tired I slept the afternoon. Just woke up at 10pm.
My mom in Christ, Sis. Lourdes had a new car, a Toyota Altis. After service we prayed for the car outside church. Her son Mark drives the car. After that they treated us for lunch in Sincerity (a famous chicken place in Binondo). We had a great fellowship.
After lunch we went back to church to rehearse for our mini-concert this coming Saturday. We're pretty pumped up. Pray that our event will be a success as well as fun.
Got home sleeping in car. So tired I slept the afternoon. Just woke up at 10pm.
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