Just got home in Makati. Netty is not here because she went with her dad to Market Market to fetch her sister.
It's raining but the heavy rain has already passed. I've been observing the weather this past few weeks. This week it already started to rain really hard during late afternoon. And it's just a tropical depression they say. I thought, how much more rain will the rainy season bring (because it's not even rainy season yet). I observe that the clouds are very low, dark and huge. These are the ones that bring the heavy rains. It stirs around like the ones you see on TV when a tornado is about to form. Is this a result of climate change it probably is. If Ondoy brought so much devastation last year, one would think how much more this year, that even at this time it's already raining this hard.
I'm babbling. Waiting ...
The Mind of the Melancholeric Man: Musings on Life and Ministry by Patrick Tan
Day in the Life
I'm here right now at the ICI Office. See my work is shared by three organizations of the Assemblies of God US. Waiting for Ptr Sur and the XA team to finish their meeting and we'll have lunch later.
Woke up today a bit sore, everyday I wake up lacking energy, but today is more prominent. Anyway, the weekend has flied so fast. I felt I didn't have enough rest that the weekend provides. Saturday I stayed longer at the clinic to wait for my wife to finish. We went home around 7PM via LRT. Sunday morning I preached for the last time in our daughter church in Valenzuela. They have already been informed of our transition. After my preaching, before the pastor closed in prayer, he informed the congregation of our transition, pausing abruptly to hold back his emotion. I didn't expect that kind of appreciation and the impact I had with them. But it's a breather to feel appreciated and validated of our work. They prayed for me and my wife. My wife has low tears. I told them, it's OK, we will just be around, we're still in the Philippines. But still, I will miss them. The feeling is like crashing your hard drive, you forget some files that are in there, but when the time comes when you need it, you realize you've lost it forever. That's how it feels when you realize your decisions have many effects unexpected and unwanted. But still, we have to move on.
After church, we went with my parents to SM North to have lunch and grocery. This is why weekends feel so short. I miss my time with my parents now that I am married. I think it's just normal. It's like finding reasons to be with them, and even creating reasons to be with them. It's not that I'm like a mama's boy or papa's boy, but I am want their fellowship.
The video footage and presentation of our wedding came a few weeks ago. It's just last week that we had the time to view it. It is a testament of how God provided for us. It was a miracle. And this is the promise I can hold on to when I need it.
Woke up today a bit sore, everyday I wake up lacking energy, but today is more prominent. Anyway, the weekend has flied so fast. I felt I didn't have enough rest that the weekend provides. Saturday I stayed longer at the clinic to wait for my wife to finish. We went home around 7PM via LRT. Sunday morning I preached for the last time in our daughter church in Valenzuela. They have already been informed of our transition. After my preaching, before the pastor closed in prayer, he informed the congregation of our transition, pausing abruptly to hold back his emotion. I didn't expect that kind of appreciation and the impact I had with them. But it's a breather to feel appreciated and validated of our work. They prayed for me and my wife. My wife has low tears. I told them, it's OK, we will just be around, we're still in the Philippines. But still, I will miss them. The feeling is like crashing your hard drive, you forget some files that are in there, but when the time comes when you need it, you realize you've lost it forever. That's how it feels when you realize your decisions have many effects unexpected and unwanted. But still, we have to move on.
After church, we went with my parents to SM North to have lunch and grocery. This is why weekends feel so short. I miss my time with my parents now that I am married. I think it's just normal. It's like finding reasons to be with them, and even creating reasons to be with them. It's not that I'm like a mama's boy or papa's boy, but I am want their fellowship.
The video footage and presentation of our wedding came a few weeks ago. It's just last week that we had the time to view it. It is a testament of how God provided for us. It was a miracle. And this is the promise I can hold on to when I need it.
Transition
Today I am in this space of transition. If I would describe it, it's like one of those contraptions in the science museum of what appears to be a long hallway, but as you go towards the door on the other end, it becomes smaller and smaller, just like Alice in Wonderland. As I ponder on this season of transition (I am not yet at the end of it), I realize that there is no turning back. Words have been said and must not be taken back. It's not that I regret doing these things. I don't regret them. But if I could turn back time I will do it better, smoother.
I said in Facebook, I am like an albatross--because albatrosses are known for their clumsy landings. And I am like that now, ungraceful in a sense. But even in these times of unease, the Lord continues to guide me, minister to me. In spite of my weaknesses, He is the grace that is all sufficient for me, for us. Sometimes I think that God would allow me to go through this just to bring me across--or push me across. Last Carecell, someone shared an illustration about how some tourist visited the Statue of Liberty. It was 4 hours queue to be able to go to the top of Statue of Liberty and see the breath-taking view. As he went up, he already sees the view from the windows. And at last, he reaches the top. And the guard says, "You have three minutes to take it in!" Four hours for three minutes? And the view is not that different from when he was climbing up. The moral lesson: Life is a journey not a destination. God reveals himself even in the minute routines of our journey. This calling is long overdue, but I have a lot of what if's and will have more. But God puts up with it. He honors even faith as small as mustard seeds.
I was listening yesterday to this podcast, and what the preacher said confronted me of my true state. He said God is not somewhere else, He is with you whichever circumstance you are in. I am tempted to feel that I am doing this because God is somewhere else. It's a human default. Better is always on the other side of the fence. But in the mundane, the pains and the fears and instabilities God is there. This is not a solution for a more heightened experience of God, God has been always with me. So why am I doing this I ask myself. I am doing this because in this season, this is where God wants me to be. I am at the Lord's disposal.
I was listening yesterday to this podcast, and what the preacher said confronted me of my true state. He said God is not somewhere else, He is with you whichever circumstance you are in. I am tempted to feel that I am doing this because God is somewhere else. It's a human default. Better is always on the other side of the fence. But in the mundane, the pains and the fears and instabilities God is there. This is not a solution for a more heightened experience of God, God has been always with me. So why am I doing this I ask myself. I am doing this because in this season, this is where God wants me to be. I am at the Lord's disposal.
The journey of life. I have realized what Jesus said to His disciples, "You will always have the poor with you, but I will only be for a little while". The opportunity for service and ministry will always be there. It will outrun us, it will outlive us. But the more important thing is this: During my time here on earth, how did I cultivate that relationship with my God. More than the lists of things I have done, God is more interested in who I have become in Him. And this is a constant struggle--a struggle we all have to put up while we are in this fleshly state. The desire to seek the Giver more than all His good gifts. In this time of transition I am stripped of comfort and security, and have realized that I will be in this kind of stripping for a longer haul. The institution has become a security, instead of the Solid Rock. My prayer today is that Lord center me once more where my significance is only found in You.
Toy Story 3
Today after work Nette and I decided to watch Toy Story 3 as our date night. The movie is nice. There were some light moments, heart-touching moments, but there are scenes where I felt it was too serious and emotionally demanding for a children's movie--like the "hell & hopelessness" scene. And by the way, my wife was really beautiful tonight with her hair in a ponytail :) I'm sucker for ponytails. After movie we dropped by McDonald's for sundaes and fries, we also bought pasalubong for Kal-El, the shitzu of Ate Me-anne & Kuya Jeric. It was a nice evening, a time of relaxation from all the things that are going around us. Praise God.
Season's Ramblings
I'm here today at the my office. Most of the technical crew is out ... I mean ALL of the production team is out because they are doing week-long shoot of our latest video. Me, I'm stuck here, since I work in the web department, which is fine with me.
There are a lot of things that had been going on lately. Specially now that we are in this transition of moving out of our church to do campus missions. There are times that I feel stressed but if not for God's mercy and grace I would be found by the dumpster by now. Stressed because of relationships. Parting and new. I have realized I am not good at goodbyes. Though I thought before that I am. Until now I haven't said my piece to the people ought to hear it.
Is it safe to say that I am wobbly and fearful of moving forward? Many thoughts come into my mind. Am I doing the right thing? I have to do this. I am pressured when people around me expect that I have to know everything. I don't. I'm just as much as a pilgrim as you are. I am in this journey. It has ups and downs. But one thing I strive for, that is to finish strong. And the thought of finishing strong seems far out of reach. Every step or mistep might snap the cord that holds me together. But I must do this. It's time to move on.
What keeps me going on? My family, my calling, and the Lord. The Lord. Lord there are times that I feel distant from You. But I know You are still there watching and waiting for me to return. There are times that I think I have truly messed up some things. But I take hold on this character of Yours that is always able to untangle the deepest mess people get into. "When you are tempted, [God] provides." "You provide a way out." Thank You Jesus.
I am an inch closer to how Solomon felt when he wrote Ecclesiastes. Everything is meaningless. But I have to fight it, especially in these times when friends are scarce. "The poor will always be there." Service does not end. What's important is by the end, my duty to the Lord has been fulfilled. Lord, purge me with Your hottest fire. Destroy the strongholds that war against my soul. In this valleys may You alone O God be glorified.
He makes all things beautiful ...
There are a lot of things that had been going on lately. Specially now that we are in this transition of moving out of our church to do campus missions. There are times that I feel stressed but if not for God's mercy and grace I would be found by the dumpster by now. Stressed because of relationships. Parting and new. I have realized I am not good at goodbyes. Though I thought before that I am. Until now I haven't said my piece to the people ought to hear it.
Is it safe to say that I am wobbly and fearful of moving forward? Many thoughts come into my mind. Am I doing the right thing? I have to do this. I am pressured when people around me expect that I have to know everything. I don't. I'm just as much as a pilgrim as you are. I am in this journey. It has ups and downs. But one thing I strive for, that is to finish strong. And the thought of finishing strong seems far out of reach. Every step or mistep might snap the cord that holds me together. But I must do this. It's time to move on.
What keeps me going on? My family, my calling, and the Lord. The Lord. Lord there are times that I feel distant from You. But I know You are still there watching and waiting for me to return. There are times that I think I have truly messed up some things. But I take hold on this character of Yours that is always able to untangle the deepest mess people get into. "When you are tempted, [God] provides." "You provide a way out." Thank You Jesus.
I am an inch closer to how Solomon felt when he wrote Ecclesiastes. Everything is meaningless. But I have to fight it, especially in these times when friends are scarce. "The poor will always be there." Service does not end. What's important is by the end, my duty to the Lord has been fulfilled. Lord, purge me with Your hottest fire. Destroy the strongholds that war against my soul. In this valleys may You alone O God be glorified.
He makes all things beautiful ...
New Things
I have called you in righteousness. I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles ... to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison, and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness. I am the Lord, that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols. See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare. Before they spring into being I announce them to you. (Isaiah 42:6-9)
May it come ever so quickly Lord.
May it come ever so quickly Lord.
After more than 30 days ...
Wow. I haven't blogged for almost a month! There are a lot of things that had happend while I was gone (in this blog). Here are some highlights:
I continue to work in APMedia during weekdays. These past few days had been very toxic because of the flow of work, but it's good. I enjoy it. Our boss will be going on furlough and they will be returning on January 2011 so they're like wrapping up everything before they leave.
We are transitioning to move from our home church to work as campus workers in Life Source Chi Alpha in university belt.
Netty and I started staying in Makati during weekdays because of the the toll it takes for us to travel from Caloocan to Makati when we go to work.
Netty will be studying ortho in August and praise God for this provision.
I on the other hand hopefully will be going to BUDAPEST, if the Lord wills (and I want to) for a week-long World Student Conference.
Despite the ups and downs of life. I've learned once more that there is one thing that is constant--Jesus. Praise God for His covenant love and faithfulness to us.
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