Patrick Tan: 2008

It's that time of the year

It's that time again in local tv-newsdom when they will interview a psychic or a feng-shui expert and asks what "will" happen on the next year (even it's more than two months before the Chinese new year they already talk about year of the what animal). They will present to the viewers what to do to bring in good luck: The usual round fruits and polka dots "according to the experts". Then at the end of the segment they will do a "biglang-kabig" or "biglang-bawi" saying it's ok to do them but what's more important is caution and faith in God with perhaps a minimal airtime interview with a religous leader. This baffles me every time.

Patienty Waiting

Twenty-four months and counting
My love for you grows bigger, deeper
Every minute passing by,
Every smile you grant this weary and undeserving soul

Lord, I have nothing but humble gratitude, solemn praise
For this beautiful thing You have made
May the good Lord bless our hands
As we walk towards the consummation of our love

Till that day when I will finally call you mine
And you call me yours
I will patiently wait
My love, my best friend

Victory of the Lamb

"These will wage war against the Lamb, and the Lamb will overcome them, because He is Lord of lords and King of kings, and those who are with Him are the called and chosen and faithful."

Revelations 17:14

I like this verse I came across with this morning... In the end of all things, despite our current trials and troubles come retribution. In our hopes and dreams come fulfillment and realization. Because our God is an awesome God, King of all kings. And we will reign with him.

Day in the Life: Laptop Ressurection and Jesus Christ Superstar

Monday. The day after Sunday.

I'm missing Netty right now because she's still out there. Actually I miss her more than before.

Today finally wraps up my laptop makeover. Finally my notebook was literally portable again. I got my newly "refilled" batteries in Amorsolo. It was just through an accidental visit to a laptop shop that I discovered that dead Li-on laptop batteries can still be "refilled" and you don't have to buy an 8k-ish brand-new and branded batteries. So after a few weeks I have my laptop good as new: got a new casing and paint job, new batteries, got a new wi-fi adapter (I lost my old one), a new external DVD writer (the built in doesn't work anymore). I also bought this thin rubber sheet you put over your laptop keyboard so it doesn't accumulate dust (I saw this on one of my client's notebook). Now I'm thinking of having a router at home and have a cool sticker on top of my notebook.

Class today at Theo 2 was a bit laid back. I feel that my prof's a bit unenthusiastic about our class because we're only five. But I do get him and appreciate when he teaches us. We're still on the topic of Christology. And it's timely that I have this subject because somehow it adds to my current season of revisitation of my faith and who I am as a person in this world, where is my place in this world. After 30 minutes of lecture, we watched Jesus Christ Superstar which I haven't seen before this. Interesting and I would like to see it again in detail because at that time we were watching from a laptop and I don't have my glasses with me (I lost it again after our outreach in PGH).

I almost forgot that stint we had at PGH last Saturday. After a month of promotion and solicitations we were able to raise twice our target so the kids and their families were quite blessed. I'm glad that it was a success. It was participated by more or less 30 people from our church. And we were able to minister to 90 children from the pediatric ward. That day there was a bit of mishap when we were scheduled together with another group but its all good, Jolibee was even their to spread some holiday cheer. What's important is that the children are blessed.

On a sad note, Sunday morning before I preached on the Valenzuela pulpit we were given a shocking news that a member who goes there and I know personally had died of heart attack that evening. So most of the church was grieving. But when you try to look on a positive side, good thing he knew the Lord, especially knowing his story of turning away and returning again to Him, I know that finally he is somewhere better than here. So good for him.

Unacceptable

"You made me like this." Have you ever thought of that? Heard it from a movie I saw recently. I could say a couple of litanies that starts with that. It's easy to say words like that. Psychology even justifies that our environment molds us to become the person that we've become, to conform in order to survive. It's easy to say and put off the burden off our shoulders and hold the other person accountable for your misery. I even worry that because I'm hypothetically in this environment that I would become the people I loathe. But. But I choose. I choose not to be liable to my past. My past does not and will not dictate my present and my future. I choose. I choose not to surrender to mediocrity and corruption of the will. Succumbing to the flow of circumstances because it's unevitable is unacceptable. Nothing is impossible. Impossible is nothing. My children will not suffer what I suffered. I am who I am so I will give my descendants a better Life. I. Choose. My Destiny.

Under Control (Updated Entry)

“Look down, yourself (Satan), on this perspective that is so dear to you. Think of the thousands upon thousands who rise each day and go to sleep without ever thinking or doing evil, whose hearts are set upon their wives, their husbands, their fathers and mothers, their children, upon the harvest and the spring rain and the new wine and the new moon. Think of them in every land and every language, think of them as they hunger for the Word of God even where there is no one to give it to them, how they reach out for it, and how they turn from pain and misery and injustice, no matter what you would have them do!”

~ Jesus, Christ the Lord

The time when Jesus was tempted in the wilderness

I have this fear that I would become like Batman or any of his villains. That because of the injustice done to him or the people around him he is pushed to the brink, a step more from the edge of silent suffering. That when that time comes, he had to act on this monster he's been feeding inside. The monster has becomes himself. Harsh, but it's only a metaphor, you get the point.

I have to constantly remind myself that life is not all evil. It is not all “going to hell” that you over-expose evil by your cynicism more than you magnify God (and those that represents him--faith, hope and love) by your gratitude and a calm surrender that life is good, it's gonna be okay He still sits on the throne. Because if you look closely enough, His presence and goodness manifests in the plain, the routine, the unexpected, the simple, the beautiful, the intimacy and devotion, the anticipation and hope.

Under Control

~ Jesus, Christ the Lord

The time when Jesus was tempted in the wilderness

Don't Grow Weary

Yesterday was one of those days. I feel drained and pointless. Praying to God for direction, or for the quickening of His plans, or what I think to be His plan for my life. I am like a person wrapped in bubble wrap that needs to seriously get out and fly away. I turned off the radio. Started talking vocally to Him as if He's just sitting beside me. I told Him my worries, my frustrations. Even things that are self-indulgent and out of reason, I told Him. I just need acknowledge it and not deny it. And I turn on the radio again, the message of the preacher said: Don't give up when times are rough. Don't grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Gal 6:9).

Don't Grow Weary (Martyn Nystrom)

Don't grow weary in doing well

Don't surrender in the fight

Keep on storming the gates of hell

Keep on doing what you know is right

For there will be seasons of testing

And there may be weeping for a night

But soon we'll be reaping a blessing

If we keep pressing on towards the prize

Keep on praying in the Spirit

Keep on walking in the Light

Don’t be fearful or discouraged

Keep on doing what you know is right

Day in the Life

Last Tuesday and Wednesday I had a quick trip to Cebu. I was tagged along by Ptr. Sur to check out the venues for the upcoming national youth convergence on May 2009. This was a better visit to Cebu compared to the last one in 2006 I think that was also a national youth convergence. Food was really great, especially the eat-all-you-cans and sugbas. Cebu is already a modern metropolis, a good alternative place to live in besides polluted Manila.

Raves:

- One of our youth that studies in Mapua won a Mr. & Ms. college as representative to the intercollege pageant competition.

- Another is competing today for the national bible quiz competition in CCP.

- Another is taking her 2nd board exam in nursing.

I am blessed to have ministered to them.

Yesterday morning I spoke to some group of students in UE Caloocan. It was like a university wide thing which gathered all the registered organization's staff & officials. It was spearheaded by the overall student council of that university. I talked about attitude as part of their spiritual renewal talk part of the day. It was great. Though I feel that I need to practice more on confidence and speaking straight English. I need to put more time in preparation.

From Baguio with Love

I wrote last Monday morning to my friends & family: "I am happy to let you know that last Saturday, November 22, 2008 at 3:50AM, I asked Dra. Antonette Cadimas, the love of my life for 1 year and 10 months now, to marry me. I proposed to her at the Asia Pacific Theological Seminary (where we first met, October 2006) in Baguio City. And I am happier to let you know that she said "yes". Thanks for all the prayers and support knowing that in one way or another you have rooted for us and glad to see us through. Please continue to pray for us as we ready ourselves for that most special day when we finally commit our lives together before the Lord as husband and wife."

Picture paints a thousand words: http://petrosrocks.multiply.com/photos/album/139/From_Baguio_with_Love

I've never been happier, sure and thankful in my life.

“When you want something, all the universe conspires helps you to achieve it.”

~ King Melchizedek, The Alchemist

Prayer

Lord, please forgive me for this feeling of resentment. Preserve me and keep me safe in your arms. Help me to be calm and non-assuming over the your workings knowing that at all times you are in control. Lord remind me your humility at the cross. Remind me that despite the mockery and provocation of the people around you, you chose not to retaliate, because your Father was your defender. Lord teach me to trust in you in these times. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be always pleasing in your sight.

"... I will rescue you on that day, declares the Lord; you will not be handed over to those you fear. I will save you; you will not fall ... but will escape with your life, because you trust in me, declares the Lord." Jeremiah 39:17-18

Pumped up

It's almost two in the morning and I am as awake as a midnight owl. I am so pumped up from our youth leaders meeting (in fact since this morning). Quick recap:

- Attended our district convention in Valenzuela. Inspired by the introductory message about ministers. Pumped up at the sight of colleagues and friends in the ministry. God's presence is heavily felt. Though as always, politics can be an ugly yet amusing circus.

- Pumped up because I received unexpected blessings this week.

- Pumped up because our youth leaders meeting in the evening was great. Lots of ideas brewing. Glad that we're going somewhere--somewhere where God wants us to go.

Day in the Life: Sudden turn of events

Monday, 2nd Week 2nd Semester. I learned that Dr. T, our beloved theology professor will not be coming home for 2nd semester class because of change in plans since he has to undergo treatments in the States. Two of three subjects I have is under him. The Tuesday evening class was dissolved. And my Monday class who was subbed by another professor will be taken over by him for good. And that wasn't a bright sun shiny day for me because I barely passed my former subject of him because of "unbelief." But this morning the class was promising, and I'd give this class a shot. For my Tuesday evening class, I have to drop it and take the Wednesday morning class of Leadership 2.

Day in the Life: Week 1 2nd Sem & Firebrands Planning for 2009

Week in the Life ...

It was the first week of our class at ASCM. Thankfully my class is only Mondays and Tuesdays every week. Am taking three subjects on CE & Theology. First day did not go to class because by 12NN Monday it was so dark because of the rain clouds so decided not to risk being stranded again than come to class. Later I would learn that my Monday Theo 2 professor Dr. T will not come in until next-next-week.

Tuesday. Came to school few minutes early. Most reactive about my new haircut. And still no professor for my morning and evening class. Got dismissed early so went to Starbucks in Valero for some 'me' time and planning for youth. Starbucks' Christmas Blend are back, but why no Pepermint Mocha?? Even their yearly free planner is a bit off. After coffee time went to Netty's place. We decided to go out for a snack at Market-Market. Walked around, enjoyed the company of one another. And by late afternoon after going back to her place, I said goodbye. Took MRT and a very crowded, non-aircondition bus ride to Caloocan. Home before dinner.

This week marks our first of many planning meetings for the Firebrands. I was very inspired and challenged by what I experienced from last week's retreat at Tagaytay. And coupling with what I've learned from my church organization class with Doc Macalinao, I began to take my team through Appreciative Inquiry, a method of successive positive planning that focuses on the best practices of an organization.

First meeting, so far so good. We were able to work together to come up with our best times/practices and focus on key working areas, which some was a surprise: The essentials: Worship, Fellowship, Discipleship and Evangelism, with new additions, Personal Development, Programs and Direction.

Can't wait to continue our planning next session. :)

I Need to Focus

After Jesus fed the five thousand (John 6:15-25), the people wanted Jesus to assume kingship over Jerusalem--a supposed liberator from colonial Rome. The moment Jesus knew what they wanted to do, he withdrew to the mountain--alone. Such offer can be tempting, and even misleading. Before us are lots of open doors that promises a similar destination, but often multiple open doors lead us to confusion. You struggle to choose His will from what's not, to choose the best over the good and good enough. And because Jesus knew that an earthly throne is not his true calling on earth, he withdrew once more to be with the Father who alone can reveal the plan. Lord, with all these open doors before me, my prayer is that you close one by one other doors so that only one remains--your will for me in the upcoming journey with you. I know You will reveal them to me in Your time.

"I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does." ~ Jesus of Nazareth (John 5:19-20)

Personal Reflections: John 5:1-14

This is the account of Jesus healing a sick man in the pool at Bethesda:

V3. "Here a great number of disabled people ..." Everyone around this pool had some form of sickness--blindness, paralysis etc. All of us too have some form of sickness--problems and frustrations. Waiting for an opportunity a "stirring of the pool" of such where those who wanted it the most get the breakthrough.

V5. The man was ill for 38 years and his first response to Jesus was a reason or two why he cannot get well. In fact, he didn't really answer Jesus' offer "Do you want to get well?"

His first reason: "I have no one to help me ..." Often times we put the blame on other people for the misery we are experiencing. This is not to invalidate other people's fault when we play the innocent victim. But breakthrough starts when we take responsibility of one's situation. And taking responsibility of something that has happened to us because of other people is even a greater virtue. The ball is on our hands.

Second reason: "Someone else goes down ahead of me." An attitude of hopelessness; that someone is always better. "Why do it when someone is doing it better?" It's not a matter of being on the top, but doing your best. It's your obedience, your heart, to follow God's voice.

Jesus: V6. Jesus saw and knew - God sees and knows our suffering.

V7. Kairos moment. "Do you want to get well?" It was a moment of breakthrough. But when that kairos moment comes will I be prepared for that breakthrough? Or are you preparing yourself for disappointment and disbelief, overshadowing His compassion with our inability to receive mercy. For the sick man his sickness has become a comfort zone. Though he was looking for healing, he has set his heart for the worst thing that could happen. He has forgotten what it was like to be on the winning side. He has lowered his expectations. After 38 years of hoping, he didn't want to be disappointed anymore, so he gave up hoping altogether. Proverb says, "Last thing to die is hope."

V8. Jesus answered as if he didn't validate the sick man's reason for not getting healed. He knew better. Indeed nothing can keep God from bringing us toward life's breakthroughs. Our worst enemy is ourselves. He instructs the man in a commanding voice: "Get up, pick up your pallet and walk!" Indeed God's word has the power to bring breakthroughs, make well the things that are once not. It was God's Word that the man immediately got healed.

Get up. Get up in God's strength and not our own.

Pick up. Turn your past into an advantage: They are reminders of God's faithfulness in our life. They are instruments so we could help others rise up to their crises.

Step up (walk). Step out in faith. Never stop trying.

V14. "Behold do not sin anymore, so that nothing worse happens to you." His illness was caused by his own sin. Jesus tells the man not to do it anymore or else worse thing might happen. It reveals the cycle we get entangled with. We get spiritual/emotional breakthrough; then if we don't learn from our past mistakes we commit them again, thus we feel guilt and despair and discouragement, needing a bigger breakthrough that the former because our hearts get more calloused everytime. This cycle does not stop until we get off the cycle of sin and bad habits.

Reflections:

1. What current experiences and situations in life have kept me paralyzed and forget that there is something better to reach for?

2. What are my reasons for not reaching out anymore, for not trying more?

3. Am I ready when God's on the work of giving me a breakthrough?

4. What habits are keeping me entangled in the cycle of guilt and discouragement that keeps me from receiving that breakthrough?

Definitions in Daily Life: Irony

After church we stopped in downtown Caloocan for an early dinner at KFC. Beside our table were a 40-something woman with a kid and a 80-something feeble old man. From their conversation I suppose that they are father and daughter. As we begin to eat, the daughter says to the old man, "Pa, magsisimba lang ako, dito ka lang 'wag kang aalis (Pa, I'm going to church, just sit here and don't go anywhere" something like that. Then as she goes out of the door she "entrusts" the old man to the guard to look after him while she catches the evening mass, like how you leave your stuff to the bag/stuff depot when you go to the supermarket. The poor man just sits there, slowly finishing what's left of his spaghetti. As we finish a hefty bucket meal and leave, the "pious" daughter is yet to return. Sad. I was like, I wouldn't do that to my parents and my children will not do this to me.

"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." ~ Yahweh (Exodus 20:12)

"If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." ~ Paul of Tarsus (1 Timothy 5:8)

Leadership Gold by John Maxwell

My next reading is the latest from John Maxwel

l called Leadership Gold: Lesson's I've learned from a lifetime of leading. Reading the introduction, pareng John (close?) wrote this book with the premise that he will only write it once he reached 60 (tanda na pala niya). Indeed there's always something to be learned from grey hairs. I've seen this around the bookstores and despite my mild reservations of Maxwell books (because sometimes or lately (?) most of his latest books that I encounter are recycled/"paraphrased" from previous ones). But once in a while you encounter a good find from his line-ups. I think this one is one of them (last one I read from him was The 360 leader which is really good).

Check-out the Table of Contents:

(Unsolicited comments in parenthesis is mine)

If It's Lonely at the Top, You're Not Doing Something Right (True! This really caught my attention that's why I bought the book. It's so true, before I use to believe and conclude that "it's lonely at the top" but really it should not be. Thank God for this relevation :)
The Toughest Person to Lead Is Always Yourself (Second thing to catch my attention. It's also so true)
Defining Moments Define Your Leadership
When You Get Kicked in the Rear, You Know You're out in Front
Never Work a Day in Your Life (Good mantra)
The Best Leaders Are Listeners (True)
Get in the Zone and Stay There
A Leader's First Responsibility Is to Define Reality
To See How the Leader Is Doing, Look at the People (Yes, yes, yes!)
Don't Send Your Ducks to Eagle School
Keep Your Mind on the Main Thing
Your Biggest Mistake Is Not Asking What Mistake You're Making
Don't Manage Your Time--Manage Your Life (Whoa!)
Keep Learning to Keep Leading
Leaders Distinguish Themselves During Tough Times
People Quit People, Not Companies (Whoa moment there)
Experience Is Not the Best Teacher
The Secret to a Good Meeting Is the Meeting Before the Meeting
Be a Connector, Not Just A Climber
The Choices You Make, Make You
Influence Should Be Loaned but Never Given
For Everything You Gane, You Give Up Something
Those Who Start the Journey with You Seldom Finish with You

St. Patrick's Breastplate

Shared this prayer to my cellgroup this evening. A prayer that reminds us that He is always with us, never even a moment that He lost track of us. So there's no reason to fear and be discouraged.

I arise today

Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,

Through the belief in the threeness,

Through the confession of the oneness

Of the Creator of Creation.

I arise today

Through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism,

Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,

Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,

Through the strength of his descent for the Judgment Day.

I arise today

Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,

In obedience of angels,

In the service of archangels,

In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,

In prayers of patriarchs,

In predictions of prophets,

In preaching of apostles,

In faith of confessors,

In innocence of holy virgins,

In deeds of righteous men.

I arise today

Through the strength of heaven:

Light of sun,

Radiance of moon,

Splendor of fire,

Speed of lightning,

Swiftness of wind,

Depth of sea,

Stability of earth,

Firmness of rock.

I arise today

Through God's strength to pilot me:

God's might to uphold me,

God's wisdom to guide me,

God's eye to look before me,

God's ear to hear me,

God's word to speak for me,

God's hand to guard me,

God's way to lie before me,

God's shield to protect me,

God's host to save me

From snares of demons,

From temptations of vices,

From everyone who shall wish me ill,

Afar and anear,

Alone and in multitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,

Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,

Against incantations of false prophets,

Against black laws of pagandom

Against false laws of heretics,

Against craft of idolatry,

Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,

Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.

Christ to shield me today

Against poison, against burning,

Against drowning, against wounding,

So that there may come to me abundance of reward.

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,

Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ on my right, Christ on my left,

Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,

Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,

Christ in every eye that sees me,

Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today

Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,

Through belief in the threeness,

Through confession of the oneness,

Of the Creator of Creation.

Thoughts about Ministry

Currently working on projects. At the same time a rush of thoughts and ramblings on my mind.

Full-time ministry. Is there such thing as a full-time ministry? Forgive the question. Or to make it clearer, which is better, full-time ministry or tent-making ministry? I've been faced with this question with the recent events in my personal ministry life and while reading Reimagining Church.

RC talks about the absence of full-time ministry in the NT church. (I'm just rambling now to myself, these are my personal opinions and I do not nullify both spectrum of ministry). Indeed when you think about it, Paul was a tent-maker, Peter and John were fishermen. I think it's just that during their time, there's no such thing as "church ministry". Ministry was their daily life. Their work (as well as their Sunday) was ministry, ministry in an image rarely known or acknowledged by us--because we see ministry as something done in the church, by the church and for the church. In their time there was no line between the church and secular, their form of ministry was seamless, it was their daily life. Their daily life was their community of faith--and even the term "community of faith" is so much different from what we have right now. They minister to the community of faith even outside of what we would call "church" (the common misunderstanding of church as a weekly spiritual and social club). I'm ranting now.

I came to this rambling because for the past few days my weeks have serious pockets of vacuum, because of semestral break. But I'm thinking, what happens when seminary life is behind me. What will a full-time ministry look like? I am content with what I'm doing right now, being part of and ministering to a community of faith. But what does the rest of the week leave me to do? "Church" administration, planning, visitation etc.? I think no minister should work alone, in fact, this is the task of the community of faith. This is not a false rant of ministerial laziness but a picture of what my role in the community of faith should be (In fact, when I said that I was bummed out these sembreak days, I do have a lot to do at work, but somehow there was this desire to do "ministry"). Perhaps I'm on a bias for "part-time" ministry right now because my exposure to the image of full-time in my environment is not what I believe to be the optimal usage of time and resources.

Let me quote Frank Viola of RC if it makes any connection: “Since the [pastor or a handful of leaders carry] the spiritual workload, the majority of the church becomes passive, lazy self-seeking (“feed me”), and arrested in their spiritual development … God never called anyone to bear the heavy burden of ministering to the needs of the church by himself … [Yet] the masses continue to rely on, defend, and insist upon [this kind of system]. For this reason, the [congregation] is just as responsible for the problem of clericalism as is the clergy."

"If the truth be told, many Christians prefer the convenience of paying someone to shoulder the responsibility for ministry and shepherding. In their minds, it's better to hire a religious specialist to tend to the needs of God's people than to bother themselves with the self-emptying demands of servanthood and pastoral care." (Frank Viola)

Also heard in an interview of Brian McLaren in Neue Podcast. This is how I understood what he said. That there is a danger in the "professional" clergy ministry because it's can be a potential ground for hypocrisy and lack of spiritual accountability to God and the body.

These authors can easily be misunderstood as people who move to the other extreme of the pendulum (I wish they would've kept a clearer picture of balance). They could misunderstood to be too idealistic. I could be misunderstood also, like I said perhaps this would be a reaction "from where I'm coming from" (from what I'm exposed to) and not necessarily from other points of view. In all things, there should be balance. If we as ministers could do our best to paint an image of what true ministry should look like--servanthood, humility, care and maturity among other things (as opposed to what positional leadership entails), we can secure His flock (they were never ours) from disillusion towards ministry and breaking away from the faith community.

Just thinking and rambling aloud.

To think of it, it doesn't really matter if we are called to full-time or "part-time" ministry. In fact, They are just labels that further divides the body of Christ. Regardless of our calling, all of us are called to be connected and intimately involved--serving and being served--by the community of faith. And that whichever and wherever God leads us, let's do our best to be true and faithful to which he was called us to do.

TV Time: Anak, Bato sa Buhangin

Was able to catch "Anak" by Vilma Santos on CinemaOne. I enjoy watching old movies that I like. And Anak is one of them. I think it's part of Vilma's "womanhood" trilogy, with "Bata-bata paano ka ginawa" and "Dekada '70". I also love "Dekada '70" for the superb acting of Christopher de Leon and Vilma Santos.

One of the soundtrack in Anak is "Bato sa Buhangin" popularized by Cinderella during the 70s. I also like listening to 70s OPM.

Kapag ang puso'y natutong magmahal

Bawat tibok ay may kulay at buhay

Ngunit kung ang pagsuyo'y lilipas din

Bagay kaya ang bato sa buhangin

Kay hirap unawain bawat damdamin

Ang pangakong magmahal hanggang libing

Sa langit may tagpuan din at doon hihintayin

Itong bato sa buhangin

The Hard-Beaten Path

Sometime today I thought what a burden a pastor/shepherd carries when his flock turns against him, when they criticize him, it's almost unbearable, unfruitful and can even be deadly. I fear for the time when it's my turn, whether would I be able to handle it with grace and finish the race. Suddenly I had this desire that the Lord would take me or that He would come already. A hard-beaten path we have chosen, but there's assurance that at the end of that road He waits for His hard-beaten warrior, falling at His feet, weary to the point of death but nevertheless remained faithful to the end.

"For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." ~ Paul of Tarsus (2Ti 4:6-8)

I feel better now.

The Long and Winding Road

Had an "emo" moment this afternoon (I'll write about it on my next post), then this song plays on the radio.

VERSE

The long and winding road that leads to your door will never disappear

I've seen that road before

It always leads me here

Lead me to you door

VERSE 2

The wild and windy night that the rain washed away has left a pool of tears

Crying for the day

Why leave me standing here

Let me know the way

CHORUS

Many times I've been alone

And many times I've cried

Anyway you'll never know

The many ways I've tried

But still they lead me back

To the long winding road

You left me standing here

A long long time ago

Dont leave me waiting here

Lead me to your door

Day in the Life: Carecell Day

Today was a bit tiring (What's new?) But very fulfilling. I had to wake up early today for the district ministers meeting at Word of Hope. The meeting was held on their new auditorium in a new building just beside the new building. Truly they are blessed. And a treat when Dr. Dave Sobrepena encouraged us with the word on vision. Contrary to the rumors and comments about him and the church, I mean you have to give them credit for taking the church a long way to becoming one of the biggest churches in the metropolis. He should be doing something good. God bless him.

After the meeting it was along journey to Binondo as I took what seemed to be short-cuts but I thought it took me longer time to arrive at my destination. I like doing that for the variety of it. When I arrived at Binondo, went to Starbucks to pass time by continuing my reading on Reimaging Church. Some how past half way through the book, things are taking a drastic turn of opinion as I feel that the concept he is arguing and the "established norm" (for lack of a better term for it) he is trying to contradict is a bit purist. I feel that there is no black and white here, no 100% right and 100% wrong. Balance is needed.

An hour before our youth Doris came for me as I told her that I was there, and we went to church together. We had everything laid out but at five there weren't any youth in our cell except to old-timers. Despite feeling down, it was a divine guidance that we just started to be spontaneous and sing songs of praise until the presence of the Lord was intense and four of us began to sing new songs and spoke in tongues. It was a much needed release and refreshment from the Lord. Sometimes ministry can overshadow the simplicity of worship--connecting to the source, to the reason why we are doing all of these. After which was a time of encouragement and ministry as we prayed for one another. This is my ideal small group ministry. Not dictated by any program or plan, but lead by Jesus Christ himself. (Viola talks about the headship of Christ in a community). And after that refreshing time, like it was on cue, the youth we're expecting (new visitors, some were second-timers, highschool basketball varsity players) finally came. So we proceed as we've planned. As if the Lord decided to refocus our eyes first, that ministry should be done with awareness that ministry is also worship, before He sent the youth to be ministered by us. And what a joyful time it was of bonding and encouragement. We had games and get-to-know activities. By sharing time we got to connect to the hearts of the students as they opened up their frustrations and hurts. I am broken by listening to their frustrations and hurts from their families, parents and fathers. My heart cries for such young hearts being disappointed and bruised by a hurting world. Sometimes you are tempted to feel hopeless yourself as if you would question what could you do. But thank God for His Word that is always there to comfort and lay out a promise that He works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. Indeed all of us have a purpose God gave for us to fulfill. It's just a matter of surrender and let Him use you for it.

After the time with them we had dinner at McDonalds, the young adults group who just came from their own small group which they held in a nearby resto, decided to join us for company, wanting to stay and fellowship some more. It was sweet. I ordered a Big Mac (rarely do I order a BM but this time I felt as if I could eat a cow) and enjoyed some extended fellowship and encouragement time by each other. After that we went home, took some of our youth home and got home ourselves.

It was tiring. Ministry can be tiring. But it's always worth every energy and sweat. May God be glorified for what has transpired today.

"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." ~ 1 Corinthians 15:58

Day in the Life: So kakapagod!

Twas a long day today ... in a nutshell:

10AM - Went to Western Union just a few blocks from where I live. Picked up some funds after months of seemed hopeless waiting (I waited for like 5 months!). I thought my boss already ran off. But to be fair US is in some financial crisis right now.

11AM - Proceed to Book of Hope to pick up New Beginnings. Speed drive to Mapua.

12NN - Lunch with Mapua students Alain and Hazel. Ate student sisig meal. I miss college when you eat because you gotta eat. Food is really cheap. Great time of kwentuhan and fellowship.

2:30PM - Went to PGH with Brznf. We're planning to conduct a Christmas outreach program for the children's ward in PGH.

4PM - McDonalds. Really hungry and tired.

8PM - Praise Team practice. Really trying to keep myself from being cranky.

10PM - Lola Ellis, dinner with my brother.

Ramblings: On Carelessness, Pessimism and Depression

I need to get out more. I miss what I use to do. I think I was freer a few years back. I mean in terms of how I use to go around at will. I was supposed to go to Banaue next week but whadyaknow I'm tied again to the city. I told our small group this evening that shaving my hair reminded me of that feeling. That feeling of "careless abandonment", despite the unclear future you go ahead and "shave your head" or do something crazy or out of the ordinary, and perhaps you may enjoy the fruits of your faith or suffer the repercussions of your foolishness. I miss doing that. Is that a "youth" phase? I hope not.

And now for some ramblings ...

Pessimism. Despite my outward countenance I could say that I am quite a positive go-getter person. This topic came during our sharing time, how we need to have a more positive outlook on life and circumstances. Pessimism just imprisons you of your own assumpsions that you won't be able to prove until you step out in faith. I go back again to that thought of "careless abandonment". Even when I was already on that barber's chair I was undecided which way to go--go semikal or my regular haircut. But since I'm already sitting on the chair I don't have the luxury of time anymore. So I had to choose--take the risk of a shaved head or go with the accepted norm (I've noticed that even the food I eat has already been streamlined to selected choices). And in that unaccountable moment of the present you choose--even the one that requires the bigger risk.

What am I trying to say? Careless abandonment. Sometimes life doesn't give us hints of which road to take. Missing road signs? But whatever comes in life you take credit for it, you bear responsibility over it, and not blame others for it. In this life it is necessary to be at least armed with one thing--faith (or three--love & hope). Faith in a divine hand that ordains your steps. That every ground you tread is where God is doing his next "field lesson".

Onto another subject. Depression. Sometimes I do not understand why people go through lengthy whiles feeling sorry for themselves. Pointed words but true nevertheless. By the way, I'm a choleric with a dash of melancholy. I mean, life slams you hard on the ground, then why don't you pick up and and clean up yourself and fight all the more? I think that's where "crying over spilled milk" comes from. Stop crying over the past as if you could still alter them. The past is a hard stone, but the present and the future is as a malleable metal. Dwelling on it just wastes your present, shortens your future. Sayang, sayang, sayang.

"I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME." We have to have that Pauline attitude on life. Whatever life hands us, yes, we will manage, we will endure because quitting and sulking does not belong in the holy dictionary. Our model is Christ Jesus who went through far worse than whatever miserable experiences we can pit up against his, and yet he persisted, he endured (to the point of sweating beads of blood), he died, abandoning this life, overcoming our fiercest limit--death, ressurecting to life--a victor, an uncommon hero because didn't just simply win, he bled and still won. This is the kind of strength--strength that can ressurect even the deadest parts of our being--the kind of strength that permits us to face every fear, every obstacle, hindrance and "temporary setbacks" with a confidence and a sure-win attitude. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Life is too short to be wasted, Patrick.

A Slice of BFGFC History

Check out this paper by Dr. Eli Javier about Pentecostalism in the Philippines. Apparently BFGFC was also an outgrowth of Manila Bethel Temple (which is now COP)?? I didn't know this ah. Another story added to my BFGFC history files in my head. "It needs to be said that when Lester Sumrall started Bethel Temple, a Chinese class was started which later evolved into the Chinese church.Regular church services later were held in rented facilities at the corner of Recto (then Azcarraga) and Reina Regente Streets in Manila. Today, we have two AG Chinese congregations in Manila (Binondo Full Gospeland United Bethel Church)"

Oh Lord, You're Beautiful

Oh Lord, You're beautiful

Your face is all I see

And when Your eyes are on this child

Your grace abounds to me

Oh Lord, please light my fire

That once burned bright and clear

Replace the lamp of my first love

That burns with holy fear

Note to Self: On Integrity

"[One's] leadership must be of the highest moral standard in all aspects of life; to expect less is to place the church's reputation and ministry in jeopardy."

~ Commentary of Titus 1:6-9

Note to Myself: On Integrty

"What men build with their gifts they can just as quickly destroy by their character." ~ Frank Viola

From Frank Viola's message: http://www.ptmin.org/Dallas2007.mp3

Day in the Life: Of A Bummed-Out Hard Preacher in a New Do

Just woke up at 2AM in the morning after sleeping in the afternoon. I was so tired. And my body still is a bit sore even now. I haven't feel such weariness like this one. By the time I finished speaking in Malabon yesterday afternoon I was already sinking from my chair. I got to speak twice yesterday. Yesterday morning at the morning service, I did a bit of hard preaching about how everyone should be involved in ministry. I mean, it's not enough just to feed people with soft teaching like God's love and prosperity and blessings and forgiveness. There's should be a balance of messages that will move them forward. I thought I did good, but you know sometimes people don't know any better.

Last Saturday's youth carecells were awesome. We got to stay 'til 9PM because of the dice game. I am happy to see that we are growing as a group, once you joined all the cells together.

Now that the sembreak's in I feel bummed out. Though there were a lot of things to do--most of them work, I don't find the drive to do them. Perhaps because I got used to doing and going to school. I also thought how my life would turn out after I graduate when a portion of my week's sched at school will be gone. This week I felt a sense of bumness and I thought I needed to do more youth ministry work. But I thought 2nd sem will just be around the corner so better get the max of this sembreak.

By the way, also last Saturday, I got a new haircut--semi-kal. It's a funny experience because even when I was already on the barber's chair I was undecided until I asked the barber if I would look good on semi-kal. And he said as long as I don't have peklat on my head it's cool. So I finally did. You know the feeling of that adrenaline rush--similar to that but quite different. It's a good feeling, a feeling of something new, something fresh in my life. When you feel afraid, worried how the world will think about you then it suddenly vanishes because despite the mind's objections I go ahead anyway. It's liberating. So after that quick shave I proceeded to church for youth. And it's funny that people needed to get used to my new do. Others point blank say it didn't look good (whatever). But most of them asking why did I do it. Others were concerned if I was depressed or had a big problem (only women get their hair done when depressed I think). I sometimes explain that my hair got all unhealthy from the hair gels I put in it that everytime I take a haircut the barber would offer hot oil treatment because my hair is unhealthy already, so I thought just cut off everything and grow a new set of hair. Good explanation? But really, I can't find a good explanation why I did it other than I was really bummed out. And it felt good, doing something crazy once in a while. I need to do more of this.

Hopelessly Romantic

As I read Isaiah, I can’t help but be frustrated and hopeful. Frustrated because its warnings and how it describes a “rebellious people” much reflects a familiar bunch.

“For this is a rebellious people, false sons, sons who refuse to listen to the instruction of the Lord; Who say to the seers, “You must not see visions”; And to the prophets, “You must not prophesy to us what is right, Speak to us pleasant words, Prophesy illusions. Get out of the way, turn aside from the path, Let us hear no more about the Holy One of Israel” (Isaiah 30:9-11).

I am in a place wherein you think you know what to do, you know because you have already proven that you could. But your advise fall into deaf ears, your helping hand unwelcomed. This comes after your hope gets rekindled by a picture of a brighter future for your community. It’s like when you’re trapped in a confined space and you wanted to get out—get everybody out. Then you discover a small opening—a gleam of hope. Then you started working your way, sincerely, to find the way out, a tunnel. But at the end of that tunnel, a dead end, nothing more, nothing less.

So I thought, what’s the use? What’s the use of hoping? Better not rally for a spark of hope that will soon disappoint after a few battles for it.

Last night in our leaders carecell we were faced again with the question: Why do you do what you do? Why in spite of lack of perceived “return of investments” by the world’s standards, you pour out yourself for a cause—pour out ourselves in serving and taking care of the youth God has entrusted to us, pour out ourselves in serving this local body of Christ? Why do we serve at the expense of the world’s ridicule? Because I believe. Though I am in a constant battle to live out a child-like faith, I believe. I want to believe. Because there is something better than this kind of apathetic acceptance of a mediocre lifestyle.

“Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him” (Isaiah 30:18).

Lord, draw us near to you, that we may draw near to you. Because I believe it is by your doing that we could draw near into your presence. May you find in us, imperfect people as we are, a pure longing for your visitation.

Lord, in my waking and lying down, may I not pursue to please anyone but only You. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight.

(You might be wondering why the title. Besides that I can't think of any title that would sum up this post, in a sense this post is a stubborn allegience to the positive future of our community when God would visit each of us again.)

Reimagining Church, Holy Discontent

I've been reading this book called Reimaging Church by Frank Viola. He explains and convinces me how today's image of the church has strayed too far away from the original image of the New Testament church. The picture of the New Testament church is that of community and relationships. They met at homes, shared meal or the real Lord's Supper which is composed of a hearty banquet eaten with reverence to the Lord's work. Each house church is small enough to do the Bible's one-another commands. One-anothering as he calls it. And when time comes that the group becomes too large, they just simply divide into groups and meet in different homes thus making the movement larger and more influential. This is the picture of the NT church. Today's church owes its image to the West--as a business enterprise, where the pastor is the CEO, volunteers are the employees, the congregation are its customers and evangelism is a marketing strategy to make the enterprise bigger.

The church needs a desperate make-over. How can we do church without putting premium on relationship building? How long can I endure the pain of seeing people come in and go out of the church unfazed, barely impacted by church life when the church are made up of living stones--a living organism that thrives with life? A body that does not foremost blesses itself but pursues the pleasure of the head which is Christ.

Viola likens church today as to the temple of Chronicles and Kings in contrast to the Exodus' tabernacle. When the Spirit of the Lord is on the move, Moses just unpitch the tabernacle and follows where the Lord takes them. This is the picture of early church--humble, lowly... temporal in a sense that they see themselves as aliens of this world. But as the temple was built, it was as good as the presence of the Lord that dwelt in it. But when the presence moves out because of their sin it's as worthless as an empty shell. Moreover, they didn't notice that the Spirit was already gone, the truth is that, the Spirit was a non-essential to their hollow rituals and traditions. Have we become an empty shell and have become calloused, insensitive now to the leadership of the Holy Spirit just like the temple of a disobedient nation?

This realization hurts when it affects people closest to you. When you bleed for your old people because they are in search of life, for someone to reach out and to reach out to, for real friendships and not just church acquaintances. Someone to share their life with, their struggles, their pain and their dreams. Who is willing to listen to them? It ignites in me a holy anger--holy discontent.. a passion. I don't want them to just fade away into shadows but let their lives a living testimony and a legacy.

I have this idea in holy frustration that for sometime perhaps a month or two we should just stop "church" and just begin to meet in small groups and do one-anothering. After all, if we strip it all to the basic essentials, these things are important--Christ's headship, relationships/one-anothering, impacting one's oikos and community-- a journey of broken pilgrims enroute towards the image of the bride destined for the Bridegroom.

Lord, may I see it with my own eyes.

Me @ 27

In a nutshell ...

Had dinner with my parents, Netty, bro Lawrence & Zarah at Gumbo in MOA. By the end of the dinner, at the signal of Netty, the Gumbo crew presented me with a birthday sundae and a birthday song and dance number to my embarassment because of too much attention.
Most of the gifts I received were chocolates. I love it!
Received lots of birthday greetings from family and friends. Thank God for all of them. I am loved and valued.
On Saturday the three Firebrands Carecells made a suprise and gift of encouraging messages for me. We celebrated with overflowing pizzas.
Netty bought me a shirt a new shirt and pair of skinny jeans that I thought makes me look thinner and I love it!
Next Saturday the celebration continues as we celebrate the September celebrants in YA in a local pasta place.
At 27, I have come to a realization that I am already a (young) adult. Unlike 26 when I felt I'm still youth. Though of course I will be forever for the youth.
At 27, I feel that I am so blessed--for everything that I have gone through, my experiences and the people who I met in my journey and continues to walk behind, alongside and before me. Blessed that He started a good work in me and excited that He has more things in store, He is faithful to finish what He has started in me.
At 27, I am waiting for the next chapter in my life to unfold ...

Day in the Life - The Day I Wade in the Flood

This morning I thought it will be pain going home tonight and it did because of the storm's after effects. An hour and a half through my last class, the admin has announced that classes are suspended according to CHED. It was like 6:30PM, and CHED decides to dismiss the class--way too late I thought. So hurrying out to school, I went to the usual bus stop along Ayala Buendia--no sign of any bus. I looked to Buendia and the traffic IS NOT moving. So I decided to WALK to LRT station. I thought I might arrive earlier than those who were on the traffic. So I started walking, and it was raining. When I reached Chino Roces-Buendia, the flood water was higher--ankel deep. But I was able to manage to skip here and there with my shoe still relatively dry. But when I arrived at Osmena Highway, the floodwater was worse. Worse that there are already pedicab drivers making most of the situation, taking stranded people from one side to the other on their padjaks for a special fee. So from Osmena I started to walk on the middle of the road along with other people because the middle road was still walkable. Past Osmena, and a few more blocks, flood water again, it was a deadend. People were like huddled into this little islands where we can't get off except to wade through the water. I wanted to go home NOW. So moving aside, I took of my shoe and socks which is by now soaked wet (Ack!), pulled up my jeans and started wading into the water. Last time I remembered walking through the flood was when I was just a kid when we use to play and shower in the rain. But things are different now, for one, the water is dirtier. I just tried to keep my mind of the things that could be in the water. All the while I was singing songs to myself. A few more minutes I could see the LRT lights on the horizon and the flood is receding. So I put wore my wet shoes again, put the socks in my jacket pocket and walked the last leg. At last I have arrived, first thing I had to have was rubbing alcohol. Went in Mini-stop, the alcohols are all gone. Second attempt I got one. Washed my hands and headed to the LRT station which was a nicer travelling experience. After tonight I have set a new record to myself, I have finally walked from Buendia Taft to Buendia Ayala.

I remember a witty remark by stand-up performer Demetri Martin that said, "When on water, you can know if you're in trouble by what you are wearing: If trunks, you're good ... if pants uh-oh!"

There is Life in The Word

I am always amazed with the power of God's Word to lift up, to encourage, to breathe life to a weary soul. How the power of God's presence, how singing praises in worship of the King breathe in God-life into me. Lord, thank You for upholding my spirit.

ASCM Retreat Reflections

Before this I was really down, even had grown to be skeptic of God's goodness to his people. But for weeks of hard-headed resistance of God's love and comfort, I finally prepared myself to the time when I will meet Him--stripped, naked and accountable ...

Evening worship. Holy Spirit moved powerfully in me. I raised up my hands which I have hidden in his sight for so long as if Lord here are my hands--dirty, you alone can wash them clean--in an attitude of deep grief for my sin. I covered my face in shame. Indeed he has promised that our mourning will be turned into shouts of joy. His inexpressible and illogical love envelop me and finally I succumb to his love in honest desparation for the first time in weeks. I want to control my grief but I was shaking, weeping like a child taken away from his father for a very long time.

Indeed, Amazing Love, how can it be???

His Word to me: NEW HEART. I will give you a new heart. I will turn your heart of stone into a heart of flesh. I will write my law in a heart of flesh ... Lord, teach me your ways that I may know you more. Show me your glory.
YOUTH. I sensed that God reassured me of my calling. What he has first called me to do, it's still is until today ... Indeed Lord you are faithful to complete the work you have started in me.
(Isaiah?) I will reveal thigs you haven't yet seen and heard ...
I came that you may have and enjoy life, but don't let your enemy, Satan, steal my life away from you.

Time alone with God ... Time is not the problem my priorities are. I have realized I have set the presence of God as something that is trivial and powerless compared to the work of my hands and the logic of my head ... I'm a stupid idiot. I'm was a brute before you. Indeed your judgments are right so that you stand blameless and correct in your judgments.

God's Word to me Aug 22, 6:30AM - "A soldier does not concern himself with the things ordinary people concern about." Lord I'm afraid to ask what you want me not to concern myself with. Perhaps because I may have to give up this addictive desire to control things. Lord, give me the courage to set you up as my true final authority and finisher of my faith.

Devotion: Aug 21, Exodus 33:12-23 ... God shows his glory to Moses.
God knows me by name, He indeed has a purpose for me. His purpose for me is true. This passage has been spoken to me when I was still a younger man (by Ate Em) "If Your presence does not go with us, do not take us away from here." Lord, I want to be Your friend as Moses was. Give me a holy passion for Your Name ... Draw me in order that I may pursue you and know you more. Forgive me that I thought I have known all of you. I was a fool for thinking that. You are unsearchable and limitless as Your love for me is. Draw me close that I may know You more. Your presence, I need your presence. Without that take me nowhere.

The Power of His Love

"Love is one, and love is changeless.

"For love loves unto purity. Love has ever in view the absolute loveliness of that which it beholds. Where loveliness is incomplete, and love cannot love its fill of loving, it spends itself to make more lovely, that it may love more; it strives for perfection, even that itself may be perfected--not in itself, but in the object. As it was love that first created humanity, so even human love, in proportion to its divinity, will go on creating the beautiful for its own outpouring. There is nothing eternal but that which loves and can be loved, and love is ever climbing towards the consummation when such shall be the universe, imperishable, divine.

"Therefore all that is not beautiful in the beloved, all that comes between and is not love's kind, must be destroyed.

"And our God is a consuming fire."

George McDonald (1824-1905)
Taken from From the Library of CS Lewis (Bell)

I raised you up for this very purpose ...

For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion" It does not, therefore depend on man's desire or effort but on od's mercy. For the Scripture says ... "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy ... "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' Does the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use? What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath--prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory--even us, whom he also called ...

- Romans 9:16-24

This is the answer to my question why? Why me? In fact I should have been past this vain questioning why me. I should be doing my part now, to fulfill His purpose for me. I need to continually remind myself, as Dr. Scott Rains has bluntly told us in the Spirit: "You are not that good." Indeed it's by the mercies of God that I am where I am, indeed this is unfathomable for my thoughts. But I need to face that, walk past that and do some action. God thank you for raising me up for deep holes of shame and self-pity. Lord as Moses prayed you, Lord show me thy glory. You shall not share your glory with another for Yours is the glory alone. You are my God, I will walk in this truth in confidence!

Saturday is Carecell Day

Saturdays has become Carecell Day for our youth. I am so blessed to have such dedicated and faithful leaders who are responding to the call of ministering to the youth. Currently we have 4 Carecells: Footsteps (composed of high school & college students), Voice-box (composed of college and working youth), Coffee Break (composed of young professionals) and our recently started Carecell, The Burke Plaza Carecell which is composed of young professionals from a real estate company in that building. Today (5th meeting) we celebrated Kenneth's birthday. She (yes, she's a girl) is the one who asked us to come to Burke. I was glad that there were new faces in the group. We had a great time of fellowship over food and the Word. After that, it was time to visit the Coffee Break Carecell that met at Quickchef, a new resto in Masangkay. Again it was a blessing meeting with them. I'm happy that this group has finally gelled and bonded. I believe we have crossed-over from being lesson/teaching-centered to becoming a Carecell that is bonded by relationships. Lord, bless these communities more...

Psalm 103 ... Gotta paste everything!

1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-

3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;

16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.

17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-

18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.

21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.

22 Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.

Day in the Life: Clean-up Day

I'm feeling better now. Thank God! Thursday was really an encourager for me because of ...

My class with Doc Mac - It helped me see my problem as it is, not as a giant but a manageable challenge. I'm really blessed by this professor.
Chapel service - The speaker this week was great. Dr. Ayo is a Nigerian professor who ministered in the Philippines for more than 20 years but is now teaching in the States. He preached about the subject of holiness. Holiness means Humility, Obedience, Love for God , Integrity, N (Long-suffering?), Endurance, Self-denial & Separation from the world unto God.
My counseling session with Ma'am Zonia - It helped me unload. We will be meeting regularly now.
Midweek service at Word for the World - Visiting their Thursday service was part of my requirement for Field Education but it has encouraged me personally.
Dinner with Netty and Richard & Neri - After service we went to Alexa in dela Costa Street for a time of couples fellowship with Carecell-mates Richard and Neri. Food is nice and free Wifi.

Praise God! I'm on my way! :)

Momentary Feeling of Purposelessness

I'm at school right now waiting for the next class. Our leadership class dismissed an hour earlier. So I did as I planned visit the bank to make some transactions.

I'm still in this state of "momentary feeling of purposelessness". I don't like the feeling. For one, I'm not smiling. For someone who has been coined to be rarely smile, this one I consciously notice. My prayer: "Lord, restore the joy of my salvation." John Piper in his study of Psalm 51 said it's the lost of that joy in the presence of the Lord followers of the Lord get distracted and do stupid things. How do you bounce back from this feeling? I have gone through worse breakdowns and I could see this is not the max of it.

Just stay put and put a tight grip...

Mom is feeling better. They will go to the doctor for another check-up.

It's weird I'm in this state of lack of direction again. I'm thinking for something to be thankful about. Of course there always is. My work is ok, my school is ok, my ministry in BFGFC is ok. It's the typical me--the smallest flaw ticks me off. I need to tell myself its not the end of the world.

I'm thankful that last night I was able to chat with a good friend and colleague and ministry who is experiencing the same thing or even worse than me. It's good that someone understands and someone to be encouraged with.

This too shall pass as all the problems and challenges I went through. I always say that when we're in the middle of the storm it sucks, and that's the worst time to make any judgment calls and decisions. The most we have to do is to stay put, put a tight grip on the Rock until the storm passes.

As I told my friend, I don't want to be the type of leader who just go through his leadership position without impacting the place where the Lord has put me. I just can't accept that. But in my situation I'm in, I could easily blame external factors. But I will choose not to do that.

See, even as I write this I'm feeling better. I should do this often.

But I already know what's the problem (with me), and the answer is so simple, yet because of our stubbornness it looks as if it's the hardest thing to do. I'm hear myself saying "what I don't want to do, I do. And what I need to do I do not do."

Lord, just hit me one more time.

But I Have No Other Hope

Be silent now and leave me alone.
Let me speak, and I will face the consequences.
Yes I will take my life in my hands
and say what I really think.
God might kill me, but I have no other hope.
I am going to argue my case with him.
But this is what will save me--I am not godless.
If I were, I could not stand before him.

Job 13:13-16 (NLT)

Urgent Prayer Request

I'm a bit stressed right now. For four days now, my mom's experiencing bad headache due to high blood pressure. Just now she was b-p'ed by my dad: 150/80. I've seen her experiencing the pain and it just breaks my heart. Please include us in your prayers. God is our healer.

Day in The Life: Ice Fell from the Sky

It's the weirdest day today. After lunch I was watching The Happening by M. Night Shyamalan on my laptop. Too bad the story should have been good for a thriller but I just couldn't stand the bad dialogues typical of a Shyamalan movie (The Signs also suffered from bad dialogues). Anyway, still I was creeped out by the movie.

After watching, it began to rain really hard outside as if there's a really bad typhoon again. Then suddenly I heard hitting noises on our roof as if rocks were falling on it. So I looked outside my window and I was shocked when it was raining hail! The hail that were falling were twice the size of a marble. I was kinda creeped out of this meteorological display after watching the movie that address the issue of global warming.

Kinda sleepy now. It's great to be back and hopefully in full effect.

Day in The Life: Visit to the doctor

Just got home. Today finally after three days of delayed action, I got up to visit the doctor. Not by my own efforts though, if not for my persistent Netty who's vowed never to see me this week if don't see a doctor. So after lunch I picked her up. Driving today was hellish. It's mad hot, it's traffic because of lots of road works, plus my rough coughing--I was on the verge of losing patience.

Finally we arrived, the place was jam-packed. I was 10th on the line. I was a bit embarassed because Netty has seen my check-up history since 2000. Some still recurring, some I totally forgot I had. My turn comes and the diagnosis: I have three things happening all at the same time. I had acute bacterial sinusitis, something I'm very familiar with already. Dry coughing and sore throat. Dr. de Guzman said its rampant these days because of the heat. And he gave me three presciptions for each. After check-up we went to the drugstore to buy meds. After that we went to G4 to have dinner.

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I was already becoming cranky because its past six and the headache and sore throat are taking their toll (they get worse in the evening, specifically from 6 to 12). Every cough triggers a very painful headache.

As we begin to eat, I saw this dad approaching where her young daughter was seated. Looks like a daddy-daughter bonding. As he was preparing their food on the table, her daughter got to excited and knocked the biggie-size cola spilling it on the table and on the girl. And immediately my thought was what a clumsy girl this was and if I was the dad I would really be annoyed. But the dad didn't get mad, not even a hint of irritation. Immediately he wipes his daughter's soaked clothes and sends her to the comfort room. Then suddenly He opened my eyes to see. How God is like that. That sometimes, we think He snaps the moment we mess up. But instead we find a patient Father who loves His children unconditionally. The crew moves them to another table at the dad's command. And the girl returns and finds her soda restored. And they ate and had a great time together like nothing happened before. What an overwhelming revelation in common daily life.

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At the end of the day, I realize again what a blessed man I am. That He would allow someone like me to be with someone like Netty. I am humbled and amazed about this grace, who loves and takes care of me. She arranged the times when I should take my meds, put them in small packets with notes when to take them. I jokingly told her that its good that I have a personal nurse, but of course I am very thankful and blessed to have her in my life.

Come Away with Me

Mark 6:31-32, “And He said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest for a while.’ (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.) They went away in the boat to a secluded place by themselves.”

Christ’s invitation for all of us after a hard day’s work, “Come!” Come away. Two words seldom found together. Coming to Christ means I must go away—give up, let go—from all my worries and cares to the One who can grant absolute peace (John 14:27). Why do we sometimes have a hard time giving up things? We stubbornly grasp and fight for a crumb when the feast is waiting there (Luke 14:16-24). He calls us alone, by myself, away from the supposed “connected” electronic lifestyle—alone because He wants me for Himself. He rejoices over me (Zephaniah 3:17), the apple of His eye (Zechariah 2:8). He is my Shepherd, I am His sheep. He leads me by still waters and gives perfect rest (Psalm 23). It is dwelling in the presence of the Uncreated One, where I truly become a human BEING, complete and purposeful.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.” (Psalm 91:1)

Day in the Life: Work, work, cough, cough, work

1AM and still awake. Just finishing off some projects. Though they don't really run out. Been kind of sick for three days now. I forgot how it started. But I suspect its the mad heat these days. I have a bad sore throat, dry cough, clogged nose and headache and sore muscles. Exag?? Not really. It's weird because only gets worse during night time. But when its past 12 like now, I feel better even with the cough and flu.

Today, got a morning call from US after barely 3 hours of sleep for a conference call with my boss and other team mates. After the meeting, parents already awake, had breakfast and went back to sleep. Woke up 12 noon. Do more work. Watch a bit TV then work again. I was planning on visiting the bank, then visit the doctor and have a haircut. I was only able to do the last one. I missed the doctor who just left when I arrived. Dropped parents to a wedding. Proceed to SM Manila. Had a good haircut. Walked around and ate dinner. Went back to church to pick up parents.

Caught American Idol on TV, the contestants sang Shout to The Lord by Hillsong.

Day in the Life: Weight Loss and An Embarassing Moment

Day in the Life: Weight Loss and An Embarassing Moment

This morning woke up at 10AM. Today Netty and I would be visiting Ate Merla at the Chi Alpha house. After lunch, prepared myself and while checking myself on the mirror I noticed that I lost some weight. I mean I noticed it. I thought perhaps this was the result of sleepless nights this week. I wanted to ask my mom to confirm my observation, but I just kept my mouth shut.

Took LRT to school. I had to return a book to a professor. It's been a while since I took the train again. Checked out the class schedules for next semester. I noticed that I have completed a significant number of subjects for my degree and its great, I might be graduating sooner than I thought. Paid my tution dues.

Had an embarassing moment at school: As I was entering school I noticed a guy wave at me by the stairs. I couldn't make up his face so I went closer to see who it was, and I didn't know the guy. He was trying to say something. I tried to clarify. But he said, "Never mind." OK, so perhaps this guy's trying to ask for money or something. I mean many times I've been asked by strangers for some coins. So went in, did my stuff and it's time to leave. As I was leaving, I noticed the guy enter the school with Deando, a friend from Central AG and also a schoolmate, one of the churches of Section 2. I met them and Deando introduced him as a youth from their church. I mean I was so embarassed because finally it dawned to me that his face was familiar, perhaps I have seen him from last sectional fellowship, perhaps even prayed with this guy. I just never thought that I would meet him in an unexpected place. They were there to participate in a recital for the music course. Needless to say, I apologized to death even as we parted ways. Another "suplado" moment on my record.

Also while at school, someone noticed my weight loss. I was like, "really?" with matching ear-clapping. I mean it wasn't a significant of weight loss. You might be disappointed when you see me. It is such a deal because for sometime now I was puffed up because of lack of exercise and proper diet. And I really wanted to get back into shape.

After school, went to Netty's place. Her clinic is already closed. Said hi to family and took off. Took MRT to Gateway, had Dairy Queen after a very long time. Then took LRT2 to Pureza. After a long travel finally we arrived at Ate Merla's place. She cooked dinner for us. Ate Joy was also there. She's getting married in 6 weeks. And she's quite busy now with wedding preparations. Boyet from TLA is her soon to be husband. Happy for them. Again my loss of weight had been noticed, to my girlfriend's disbelief. It was a great time of food and fellowship, catching up on each one's lives. Talks of relationships and faith and testimonies. It was all good. After dinner, I was sleepy, a common effect after I get full. After staying for a few more minutes. We said our goodbyes, took Netty home and came home almost 12NN.

More to This

Mark 2:8-11, " ... Jesus .. said to them, "Why are you reasoning about these things in your hearts? Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven'; or to say, 'Get up, and pick up your pallet and walk'? But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins,"--He said to the paralytic, "I say to you, get up, pick up your pallet and go home."

How richly blessed are the children of God with the eternal grace and spiritual blessings that God has made accessible to us through Christ. But sometimes, I fail to look beyond the horizon of what God thinks I can become. It is by faith that the Healer forgives sin and remembers it no more. But for the fool it becomes a ticket to live the cycle all over again. We fail to realize--or rather our eyes become dull to see-- that there is more of this; that just as he has the authority to bestow mercy he is more than able to get us and keep us walking--restore us to who we were in his fold. There should be in us a holy ambition, an aspiration to move to higher heights of living in faith. Lord you are everything I need, my all in all.

I'm back!

Haven't blogged for a while. Sometimes its difficult doing something again after getting used of not doing it for a while. But anyway hopefully I'm back. Reason for MIA ... busy, busy, rollercoaster life, busy.

Summer has started, and OA siya sa inet!!!

Since this summer I had two failed attempts to go to the water: First, during our church's water baptism/outing, I didn't go swimming because I preferred to indulge myself in sleep. Indulge because rarely do I enjoy a good night sleep these days because of work overseas when I need to be awake at night. Second, I was supposed to go to Batangas today with my former bandmate Criz to go diving in Anilao. But, because of rush deadlines I have to beg off and stay. I better deserve a break after all this.

Yesterday was our 15th monthsary. Time really flies so fast. Blessed and happy. We had a simple dinner (or midnight snack) at Friday's in Serendra. Our schedules didn't go so well, because she closed her clinic a bit late, and I spoke at a youth gathering in Manila until 9PM. So the car was a notch less to flying after the youth gathering, because I really wanted to be with her.

School is officially out next week. This semester has its good things and bad things. I loved Counseling class, liked Discipleship and Evangelism, loved Church History but not so much the professor. Yesterday, I met a good friend and colleague at the church were I went to. I was sharing how I liked Church History but not the professor (though I'm a bit on the neutral side now). And as I was describing this professor it dawned to him that that was also his professor on the same subject in his school. Talk about coincidence. We both agreed that he is weird (I'm not alone!), but one brilliant brain. Anyway, during our finals on this subject, I was so happy that I was able to get a perfect score on his objective tests which are his babies. And he announced that he'll be teaching Systematic Theology next semester, which to my misfortune I haven't taken yet. Bummer.

Prayer of St. Francis

Just wanna share great prayer by St. Francis of Assisi. I learned about him this week at Church History and admired his life and commitment. Let this prayer be my prayer also, that I give more than receive...

The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

Post Christmas Raves: ROB Camp & 1st Yr. Anniversary

Three hours since clock struck to 2008. New year, new expectations, new hope, new promises.

Been raving much and praising God about the success of Radical Outbreak, our Section 2 Youth Camp held last 26-29 at Nasugbu. It was much of a movement of God, from the finances to the attendance of campers. There were around 110 young people who joined us for the camp. And God actively moved in our midst. Most of us and the speakers observed that this group of young people are serious about God, so they just went straight to their point in their messages, no beating around the bush. Most of them new believers, some backslidden, I was told 70% of campers haven't really had a meaningful relationship with God until now. The response of young people was overwhelming, seeing them at a very young age with a realization that some will be called to be pastors and missionaries are a sight to see. The team work of the staff and the counselors was matchless. I am really rejoicing for surrounding me with such promising and gifted leaders. The question to be asked now is "now what?". Praying that the seed that was planted in the hearts of these young people will grow and mature in due time. The momentum has been established. The standard set. Go, go, go Section 2!

Personally God has also ministered to me. He reminded me of His promises and reminded me of His plans for me. At this time I got a deeper understanding of who He is, what God's love, grace and mercy is and rejoicing over it. It's amazing how He could make beautiful things of the lives of un-beautiful people. Everytime it's gets more and more amazing.

It was at the camp that Netty and I celebrated our 1st year anniversary. Time flies so fast. I still remember vividly that time when I was given that sweet "yes" in Roxas Boulevard. Netty is proof of God's grace and love for me. Continuously thanking Him for our relationship. That 28th both of us were busy at camp but somehow got to get an alone time just talking and reminiscing. The cook then offered us a newly grilled barbeque to taste test. It was an instant celebration moment, sharing barbeque under a hut (Kulang na lang magsubuan kami ng barbeque, hehe). We then had a short prayer time of thanksgiving and surrender for another year ahead. Earlier, it was almost impossible that she would be able to join me because she is working on her clinic. But thank God everything worked out and blessing us with each other on our anniversary.

For 2008, I am expecting for new things. That I may draw closer to His will for me. To experience Him more. New adventures with God and with the people I love. Life is beautiful.