Just came back from our youth leaders retreat... so much to tell but I'm so tired. Throughout my stay I only slept for more or less 4 hours every night. But the event was great. There were 20 delegates from 5 churches. It kinda sucked because 5 came out of 17 churches. But it was still good. God really moved. We stayed in a Koren retreat place in Silang, Cavite. It was my 2nd time to visit there, and will be visiting again for Holy Week retreat 2006 of our church. It was also there that the election of new officers to lead section 2 youth, and I was one of them.

I'll be going tomorrow to Silang, Cavite for a youth leaders retreat. Will be gone til Thursday evening.

[Taken via K750i panorama feature]

Yesterday was Christmas Day Sunday service. Church was packed. I thought it wouldn't be because it used to be that Christmas Service is attended by few. It was great. Pastor Johnson and Sis. Karen's son Kevin came with them. He came two nights ago. He stays in Hollywood, California pursuing his passion for film. After service, we went to the house dedication of Sis. Cindee & Bro. Reynold. After dedication went to Robinson's Place to spend some dead time because later the church staff has dinner with the Johnson's. Did some late Christmas shopping. At dinner in Golden Fortune, it was the traditional Lau Riat on a lazy susan. It's been a long time since I had that. The entrees were delightful: spinach soup, cold cuts, asparagus and brocolli, sweet & sour pork, pineapple rice, crabs and steamed fish. At the end of the dinner it was time for balut for the Johnsons. Kevin would go for anything. They asked me to take pictures & video from their K750i (yeah both Pastor & Sis. Karen has same phone as mine.) At the end of the night, he downed 2 balut eggs and chicken feet dimsum. Pastor Johnson had 1 egg and chicken feet. They said it wasn't as bad as it looks. After that we gave gifts and head home. Yesterday was a busy day.

Christmas musts I did this year:
- Set-up the Christmas tree and decors
- Listen to Jose Mari Chan's Christmas in Our Hearts

Count Your Blessings (Instead of Sheep)

When I'm worried and I can't sleep,
I count my blessing instead of sheep
And I fall asleep, counting my blessings

When my bankroll is gettin' small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep, counting my blessings

I think about a nursery
And I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them
As they slumber in their beds

If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings.

So if you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings.

"For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and peace there will beno end..." Isaiah 9:6-7

It's my 24th year to celebrate Christmas. Through the years as we grow old, as some would observe, the magic of Christmas is slowly fading. I began to wonder why is this so. And I looked in my life. I haven't yet totally given up on the Christmas spirit, because there's still inner child within me that hopes for the Christmas the way we did before. I think there are a couple of reasons why the spirit of Christmas seem to fade.

I think that relation to time has changed, not time itself. As we grow old, we grow worries and responsibilities. Though being responsible is good, we lose vision why we are doing it. I think it's good to be a Peter Pan sometime, the boy who didn't grow old. Our relationships stay the same, but as we grow old they are slowly worn out, unless carefully tended. I also noticed that through a decade ago we're the longest Christmas celebrating nation in the world, I beg to differ in this time. Christmas is does not come now as early as September, and not as late as February. Has the average Filipino lose hope, the drive to look on the good future in the midst of uncertainty? Is this how a teenage family celebrate Christmas? The shouts of children gone, now replaced with apathy and cynicism. My dream of Christmas, more than any other time of the year, is when I am surrounded with people I love, their importance to me and the realization of it all. My prayer is that my kids would celebrate Christmas in its wondrous and amazing purpose.

I dare to ask, where does Jesus Christ come to play in His divine yet utterly humanized and commercialized season. I feel that Christians sanitize Christmas too much. We take out the reds and the greens of Christmas which translates our efforts to celebrate it rather than popularize it. On the other hand, we must not also neglect the true spirit of Christmas, the remembrance of that day when the Man who opened doors for a God-damned people. I begin to reflect the true heart of Christmas and the question if it is still true in my heart in it's total purity and purest value - His grace, His presence and His work in my life.

Less than 4 hours 'til Christmas. Today we had a family reunion at home with my lolo's children and grandchildren. Evening before that I asked my mom not to wake me up because I wanted to rest. Somehow I wasn't too excited about the family reunion. Well, for one the cousins not that close already. We used to be close when we where kids, back when the families lived close to each other and we celebrate Christmas in Avenida. Today, we live far from each other, as north as Novaliches, as south as Cavite, as far as Singapore and Dubai. My grandfather is immobile.

Somehow the patriarch that galvanized the families is not so strong. They began to arrive one by one. Time has truly flown, we had grown some age. My cousins showed remarkable change physically. We have all grown up. The reunion was ok, we only had a simple feast, just like before. We had our computer set up so that my tito's family in Singapore can chat with us here. We had our annual group picture with my grandfather. Late afternoon they began to leave one by one. Spent the day watching movies, chatting and just chillin. Tomorrow's still Sunday, we have Sunday Service, December 25, which I remarked is Jesus' birthday so the more we shouldn't be absent.

Yesterday, was December 23, my dad's aunt's birthday. It was an annual thing, we visit them in Aranque. I do not like it. Actually I didn't plan to go. Because there's so much familial and status division among the two matriarchs, them being pure Chinese and us, being half-Chinese. I don't want to belong to any of it. It's ridiculous. I don't wanna go through details, I don't wanna be such a pessimist now, it's Christmas.

I went to work today. I was able to drive cause the traffic coding was lifted. I didn't accomplish much at office because my key person was not around. In the afternoon went to Shangrila Mall in Ortigas, it was quite an ordeal going there because it was my first time to go there via Katipunan. Shangrila's parking (Parking 4) is the worst I'd ever seen, it topped Robinson's Manila and SM San Lazaro. It gave me a headache. I met a client there, who was getting into my nerves because he was so unprofessional and uncoordinated. Because of the long meeting, I missed dinner with my officemates in Marikina Riverbanks. Went home through traffic. It's all good.

Today I only stayed at home. I forgot that we had a meeting at our school regarding our class project. I am so in the vacation-mode right now that the meeting only triggered in my mind in the evening.

I preached last Sunday. It was good. On the first service, towards the end of my sermon I went emotional, I couldn't understand why the sudden outburst of emotion in what I am preaching. I preached about the importance of prayer and how it plays into the salvation of our loved ones. Also I had a bad case of flu since last Wednesday, so I was caught up between speaking and breathing and crying. Second round went better though. It was a busy Sunday. After church, Pastor and I went to Manila Faith to attend Kuya Jess' son's dedication lunch party. We left after an hour. Then in the afternoon it was crunch time to make final and last-minute preparations for our Christmas party at Johan's subdivision. The party went great but short. But I'm grateful that somehow I was able to redeem myself after few months of indecisive leadership due to changes in my lifestyle & schedules.

Monday our youth staff meet for a year-end planning for 2006. After which Brznf treated us to Tapa King in CCP. It was good.

"If you get tired while racing against people, how can you race against horses? If you stumble in a country that is safe, what will you do in the thick thornbushes along the Jordan River?"

- Jeremiah 12:5

I'm here now at University of the Philippines Los Banos. I visited the Chi Alpha student center here in UPLB and also to have some rest on the side. The workers here are truly inspiring, dedicated and committed bunch of young lady pastors. Kuya Sur and Ate Merla are with me and we had a great time. Although in the remotest places of rest and relaxation you still get those calls that tests your faith. But praise God for His goodness and presence here with me. I pray that He will let me endure this ordeal until my Sunday preaching.

Today is a great day. It was weird I woke up 4am, with a clear mind, but I went back to sleep. Somehow I later thought God woke me up. Then woke up again at 7am. I wanted to go to chapel service at school so I planned to leave house early. I dropped my brother to school then went to Makati just in time for chapel. For the first time this semester I was able to attend chapel service. The school's added a Tuesday service. It was really a time of refreshing. My classmate Ptr. Manny delivered the message. Ptr. Jae, Frank and I lunched at this sausage place (like Cafe Briton) not far from school.

First class was Leadership in Missions. Our professor was absent, but she had invited a guest speaker for us. Kuya Nathaniel Ramos, a former pastor in Bataan, a marriage counselor/missionary in Japan, now an ACM coordinator and taking up a master in ATS. He wasn't into a lecture approach, he wanted interaction and discussion. I was nerved about it, because our discussions were too abstract/"philosophized" for me, plus I'm not yet at home in this class to speak my mind among them. It's funny that the speaker missed to let me introduce myself during roll-call that made me an attention in the class. And after I introduced myself, I never spoke again. But it was a good discussion, I learned alot. It reminded me not to take in everything I read, it's important to study it and decide if I will accept it as my own. Kuya Nat evaluated a man's article about methods in church. Kuya Nat criticized that leaders need to be more concerned about relationships rather than methodology. Ma'am Marcia is also not around for our OT class, and she had two subs to take over the class. I wanted Ma'am Marcia because I was already sleepy and going to my happy place. We were dismissed early. I drove home and it was raining.

Yesterday, I realized my source of happiness. I'm happy because I'm contented, a deliberate, voluntary act which I understood pure well at that short frame of time. I realize I need to be content to experience the joy in God's presence. Recently, I'm in a search of something, a niche I could fit into so that I'm set firm and immovable. After resignation, I managed to take in more responsibilities rather than minimize & focus on a few...

Recently I saw Oprah on TV campaigning on her new theme: "What have you done today to make you feel proud?" It's a really good campaign and I will try to do it. Everyday I will blog how I made a difference at the end of the day.

"I found I could not live without enjoying the presence of God; and if any time a cloud came over me, I could not rest, I could not study, I could not attend to anything with the least satisfaction of benefit, until medium was again cleared between my soul and God."

- Charles Finney

I woke up today excessively happy, happy like a Happy Meal (I just found out yesterday that McNuggets are already a mascot). I don't know why, but suddenly I have this Joy that is obviuosly God's and I thank Him for it. Office now, later...

Rainy days past few days. Mornings are cold.

Yesterday I spent the whole day at home. In the evening I went to the ministers' banquet celebration in Crowne Plaza Hotel in Ortigas for the 25th Anniversary of our district. It was great to see my kuyas, ates and friends together in one place. Speaker Dr. Eli Javier exhorted a moving speech on the history of the district dating back 70's and how the present church must remember and never forget. It was a very rare occassion in my life because it was just the second time I wore a barong Tagalog but I do look good in it I should say :) On the way home, in the parking lot, it was then that I realized I was parked beside Kuya Jerry's car and soon enough I saw him with Kuya Alvin, Ate Anj and Kuya Wilbert.

The car is having problems with the steering wheel, the wheels are going crazy.

For the past week I've been receiving lots of books. Last Christmas party at work I got 3 books from Pastor Nick, he's British. I still don't have any idea what's he doing in APCC. But it still baffles me that he gave me the gift when we just met once before this, like "what did I do?" Then the next day at office I found 3 more books in my desk. Apparently our office always give out books to its workers. So now I have more than 6 unread books. I want to get more shelves because books are just hanging out at home.

Watching Probe Team about recent 23rd Southeast Asian Games in Manila... I think those visiting athletes and officials who lost to Filipinos during the games and claiming that they were cheated or judged unfairly in favor of Filipinos are sore losers. Being Filipino, I am insulted that we are treated as such. I believe Filipinos can prove to the nations that we have something to be proud of.

Today I did not go to school. I woke up too late. So in summary, I missed all my classes this week! Great. I'm still in this transition-not-yet-settled mode... I'm in search of something permanent or at least long-term. Not relationship, I figured there are more important things in life meaning I'm just sour-graping.

All in Life

Carman

A fortune made, a goal achieved | But in God's sight, what does it mean? | If I don't glorify Your name | The things I do, I'll do in vain | Oh Lord, to please You is what I yearn | Help me remember this Truth I've learned... That kingdoms come and kingdoms go | But through the Word of God I know | When all in life is done and past | Only what's done for Christ will last

To sacrifice and reach a star | But then lose sight of who You are is never worth the price, I know to gain the world and lose the soul | I know now what You've tried to say, Lord, to me | My spirit can understand | Now, I can see... That kingdoms come and kingdoms go | But through the Word of God I know | When all in life is done and past | Only what's done for Christ will last

We (Asia Pacific Campus Challenge/Book of Hope) had Christmas party celebration this evening at Italianni's at Gateway Mall in Cubao. Even though I had been there for three weeks now, I appreciate their warm effort to make me feel like family. Everybody is there with their family except our bosses, Pastor Ty and Cina. We had exchange gift and stuff. We also got a great treat from Italianni's - a lifetime 20% discount card from Italianni's, Fridays and Outback. After dinner, we went to Starbucks Eastwood Libis to unwind and fellowship. While in Eastwood, I discovered this great CD produced by Chin-chin Guttierez. "Uyayi: First Songs" is a remarkable collection of indegenous lullabies from Philippines, from the peaks of Cordillera to the shores of Maguindanao.

Yesterday, I left my wallet at home when I went to the office with my driver's license and money. Only noticed when my mom texted me that she found my wallet. Not wanting to take a long-route via MRT & LRT, I braved the road back home to pick up my stuff with no license, no cash and almost-empty gas. Kids don't try this at home. So it was a waste of gas going two times to and from office.

Monday. Just came in at office. An hour before I was in bed struggling to get up because I slept late. Watched the documentary about Filipino Movies from the 50's up till present. Later.

"Leadership is the other side of the coin of loneliness, and he who is a leader must always act alone. And in acting alone, accept everything alone."

- Ferdinand Marcos
10th president of the Philippines
Born September 11, 1917