"I'm in-love with a non-believer."

 

A student asked me this week: What are your thoughts about a born-again Christian having a relationship with a partner who is [of a different religious preference]? (I placed brackets because that was supposed to be a specific religion, but for the sake of discussion, let's apply it in any kind of "religious preference.")

If you wish to read my Taglish version (trip lang). Click here. 

Before I got serious about my relationship with my to-be wife, I went through the awesome season of crushes and courtship. And growing up in a church community, I was taught about one of the most popular verse about romantic relationships: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14). I dare to say that every person who grew up in a church youth group know this verse. It's a verse so over-used and sometimes abused that it often equates with the word "killjoy". As a young person, I considered girls who were beautiful and kind, and didn't care much about whether they had a personal relationship with Jesus or not, after all, it seems "discriminating". The young me would would think how overly strict the command was, and would even play scenarios in my mind that would justify breaking this Scripture. Looking on hindsight, I am thankful that by God's grace He has led me to know and marry someone who also loves God. And I stand by the counsel of God's Word in 2 Co 6:14.



So what's the deal about 2 Corinthians 6:14? As young people, we often gloss through instructions that begin with "do not" because we think it automatically takes the fun out of life. It's like we're already programmed to skip sentences that begin with "do not".

And to the leaders, we are sometimes guilty of just laying out the "do not's" without giving our young people the reason "why". Today's generation wouldn't just take your instructions at face value, they need to understand why that instruction is relevant to their lives.

So this is 2 Corinthians 6:14 in context:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wiackedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God ... (2 Corinthians 6:14-16)

A yoke is a wooden bar fastened over two animals
that together pulls the plow.

Interestingly, Paul compared human relationships (not just romantic relationships) with that of farm animals. A yoke is a farming tool that is a wooden bar fastened over two beasts of burden (horses or bulls) that together pulls the plow. So if two animals are fastened together by a yoke, they have to go on the same direction. If one decides to take one direction and the other the opposite direction, it will hurt both animals and ruin the field. It accomplishes nothing. So similarly, a boy and a girl going on different directions when "yoked" together (i.e, pursuing a romantic relationship) would be a tensioned, destructive and unproductive relationship. Am I exaggerating? No, because it's all about values.


It's all about values

What are values? Google defines it as "a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life." It is synonymous with ethics, moral code, standards and code of behavior. Organizations and companies use it and they call it their "core values". Basically it's a set of principles a person or an organization lives their life by. Every person lives by a set of values, regardless if they are aware of it, or not, but most of the time, we are not. We are molded with it growing up as we see it in our family and the environment around us. For example, when you value time, you strive to be punctual all the time. If you value family, you seek to consider your family in every decision you make. If you value integrity, you strive to do everything without deception. As you can see the values of a person are quite powerful. Because values determines your priorities. Priorities determines your habits/lifestyle. Habits/lifestyle determines your future. Values are like seeds living inside of you. You may not see it immediately, but for sure it will determine the course of your life.

So what are your values? And what do you value as a follower of Christ? A follower of Christ would value faithfulness to His Master. It's a value. "Christ-centeredness." And if we would predict how that value of faithfulness to Christ will affect a person's future, we would be able to determine somehow what kind of life they would have. For example, a disciple's relationship with God will be committed and faithful. A disciple's career would be excellent and honest. How would a disciple's future look like in the realm of courtship and marriage? A disciple will not just live his life for the now, he lives knowing that everything he does has a future implication. A disciple has a purpose and a call from God. You have a purpose and call from God. And if I have to choose between certain relationships and the fulfillment of my call/living my purpose for God, I'd readily choose the latter. A person's direction determines his destiny.

So going back to Paul, he throws in a rhetorical question after his command,

"what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?" 

Imagine yoking yourself with a person who doesn't have faithfulness to Christ as a major life value (that is, they made Jesus Christ as their Savior and Master). No matter how religiously good and pious they seem to be, without Christ in their life (without acknowledging our need for Christ because of our sinfulness), you and that person's lives are set on two opposite directions, here and beyond. How do I know this? Because values turn into priorities, priorities into habits, habits into lifestyle. Again, it's all about values. Think about it, if Christ is everything, then you wouldn't have anything "in common" with a person of interest who has not made a decision to follow Christ. Many hearts have been swayed away from Christ trying to win them to Christ at the same time trying to win their hearts. In other words, doing evange-ligaw is not really wise. (I didn't say do not win them to Christ, all people need Jesus, but do it with the right and godly motives. Paul goes on to say that "we are the temple of the living God." God's temple is sacred, and it must be honored and kept clean. You are God's temple, don't do anything that will compromise your relationship with God.


So with that, let me conclude:

1. If you are a student, your task in this season is to study and honor God and your parents by studying hard. If you are "old enough," then go to the next one.

2. Make friendships. Friendships are the best platform to find "the one" and they are the best launching pad for "godly relationships." By first making friends you are able to know what a person is like, and they are able to know you as you, no filter. In dealing with "unbelievers," as followers of Christ we relate with compassion, love and the transforming power of the gospel.

3. It's a values issue. Know what values you hold dear in your life, not just a human being, but as a follower of Christ. Set them as a standard for making decisions about romantic pursuits (in the right time). If you have not read my previous post about my wife's list on "What Real Love Is," do check it out, it will be helpful to you as well.


I pray that you will have a clarity of purpose and values so that you will be able to make wise life decisions and honor God with them.

So what do you think? How would you answer that question? Do you agree with my answer?