The Mind of the Melancholeric Man: Musings on Life and Ministry by Patrick Tan
Zechariah 2:5, "For I ... will be a wall of fire around [you], and I will be the glory in [your] midst."
Christmas is a time of celebration. And it's also a time to meet the relatives. And sometimes it's intimidating to catch up with what's happening with each other's lives. And there's that feeling again of self-belittlement resurfacing. Not that I measure myself by the standard of others. It's just at the back of my heart I've realized that I want to make my parents proud of their children. I want to ask them if they are proud of me. And I'm not sure if I'm doing a great job at it. Yeah, God's Word is the only one that matters. But they are my parents and I just want them to be happy. These are times when you have no place to run and hide but to God. He said I am "the apple of His eye" (Zechariah 2:8) and those who even try to touch the apple of His eye will really get whacked. Lord, I am nothing and You alone are the glory in my life. Forgive me that I had this feeling that belittles Your power and being. Thank you the Word that sustains me. I may have nothing to boast about by the world's standard but in You I know that You are my inheritance and portion.
Christmas is a time of celebration. And it's also a time to meet the relatives. And sometimes it's intimidating to catch up with what's happening with each other's lives. And there's that feeling again of self-belittlement resurfacing. Not that I measure myself by the standard of others. It's just at the back of my heart I've realized that I want to make my parents proud of their children. I want to ask them if they are proud of me. And I'm not sure if I'm doing a great job at it. Yeah, God's Word is the only one that matters. But they are my parents and I just want them to be happy. These are times when you have no place to run and hide but to God. He said I am "the apple of His eye" (Zechariah 2:8) and those who even try to touch the apple of His eye will really get whacked. Lord, I am nothing and You alone are the glory in my life. Forgive me that I had this feeling that belittles Your power and being. Thank you the Word that sustains me. I may have nothing to boast about by the world's standard but in You I know that You are my inheritance and portion.
Hopia Mani Popcorn
I wish in the near future Pinoy Christian youth bands would make it into the scene (I know there are already lots brewing) with the likes of Hillsong United, Planet Shakers and Vineyard. We need our own identity in expressing our worship to God.
It's few hours before Christmas. This year's Christmas is great. More lights, more songs, more Christmas atmosphere. Christmas week is great also. If there are words to describe my Christmas week, "food" would be one of those on the top list:
Friday. Christmas party at church. Potluck party, everyone brought food and there was more that what we could ever eat! Got chocolates from the exchange gift. Mmm... chocolates.
Saturday. Christmas party at the youth. We do this thing once in a while called "Food Trip" it's like make your own food with the ingredients brought by each person. This time we did two: Taco Salad & Banana Split. We were worried that the food won't go a long way but it did. We had fun games, games you do every Christmas party but you never grow tired of playing it. Trip to Jerusalem & Paper Dance - every youth participated all the games, so it was really wacky and fun. Plus I had a very special... ahem... guest. For the exchange gift I got a towel. Plus small but well-appreciated gifts from some of the youth.
Sunday. Christmas service had lots of people. After service the pastors and board went to visit our church planting project and on our way we had to stop by lunch. We had a 5 set meal at Hap Chan in Roosevelt. On the church site, we we're served with snack in one of our member's house... spaghetti and ginataan - talk about heavy snack. And the difference between lunch and snack was like one and a half hour.
After that we stopped by the mall supermarket to have some last minute groceries for Noche Buena tonight. Man, I'm getting really fat.
Friday. Christmas party at church. Potluck party, everyone brought food and there was more that what we could ever eat! Got chocolates from the exchange gift. Mmm... chocolates.
Saturday. Christmas party at the youth. We do this thing once in a while called "Food Trip" it's like make your own food with the ingredients brought by each person. This time we did two: Taco Salad & Banana Split. We were worried that the food won't go a long way but it did. We had fun games, games you do every Christmas party but you never grow tired of playing it. Trip to Jerusalem & Paper Dance - every youth participated all the games, so it was really wacky and fun. Plus I had a very special... ahem... guest. For the exchange gift I got a towel. Plus small but well-appreciated gifts from some of the youth.
Sunday. Christmas service had lots of people. After service the pastors and board went to visit our church planting project and on our way we had to stop by lunch. We had a 5 set meal at Hap Chan in Roosevelt. On the church site, we we're served with snack in one of our member's house... spaghetti and ginataan - talk about heavy snack. And the difference between lunch and snack was like one and a half hour.
After that we stopped by the mall supermarket to have some last minute groceries for Noche Buena tonight. Man, I'm getting really fat.
Because of Christ-mas...
Spoke this year's Christmas message (first time!) this morning: "Because of Christ-mas..."
"... and you shall call His Name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins" (Matthew 1:21). Because of Christmas...
"... and you shall call His Name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins" (Matthew 1:21). Because of Christmas...
- Our FELLOWSHIP (with God) is restored. Therefore we should respond in WORSHIP.
- Our FUTURE is secure. Therefore we should respond with CONTENTMENT.
- God's FAVOR is ours. Therefore we should respond with GENEROSITY.
- Our FREEDOM is reclaimed. Therefore we should respond with HOLINESS.
Recent Youth Photos
Brznf's birthday celebration after service at the Estero.
December 17, 2006
Hillsong United concert - November 21, 2006
More photos here...
I'm here in an internet cafe in UP Los Banos. The Chi-alpha group here in UPLB has just had their 1st Anniversary celebration in one of the restos here along the strip in UPLB. It's such a blessing to see how Chi-Alpha here in UPLB has grown. I feel so full after the dinner and coffee.
So much has happened in the past few days I wasn't able to blog. Past few days I've been in and out of Divisoria shopping for gifts and buying stuff for our Christmas Concert. It was an adventure, and I realized I could endure such crowds. At one time, I got my slippers stepped on and snapped so I had to return to church (it's just few blocks away) minus one good slipper.
Traffic in Binondo has been hellish eversince the Christmas season came. Binondo is where 168 Mall, Divisoria Mall and tiangges are located so as early as the sun comes up people already flock to Divisoria to snag the lowest item on sale.
Last Saturday we had our Christmas Concert. Though at everyone's observation was the last concert (August) had more people than this one, it's not really about how big the crowd was. It was a new set of people though. And though I'd admit we've crammed for this. It went very well. Not to mention the Christmas rush in Binondo area which delayed the start of our concert by 45 minutes. But it was all good. I am really encouraged by how the young people handled the event, each one did his part. The night before I was really encouraged when I listened to the radio on the way home. Jam (88.3) was having a concert featuring Gary V. His songs and testimonies really uplifted my spirit. I was really encouraged when he talked about their preparation for that concert. That when the time of performance came, all you really have to do is to savor "the fruit of your labor" because you really have nothing more to do but to enjoy the moment.
Anyway, we're leaving at 4AM later. I'm still thinking if I'm gonna get some sleep. Later.
So much has happened in the past few days I wasn't able to blog. Past few days I've been in and out of Divisoria shopping for gifts and buying stuff for our Christmas Concert. It was an adventure, and I realized I could endure such crowds. At one time, I got my slippers stepped on and snapped so I had to return to church (it's just few blocks away) minus one good slipper.
Traffic in Binondo has been hellish eversince the Christmas season came. Binondo is where 168 Mall, Divisoria Mall and tiangges are located so as early as the sun comes up people already flock to Divisoria to snag the lowest item on sale.
Last Saturday we had our Christmas Concert. Though at everyone's observation was the last concert (August) had more people than this one, it's not really about how big the crowd was. It was a new set of people though. And though I'd admit we've crammed for this. It went very well. Not to mention the Christmas rush in Binondo area which delayed the start of our concert by 45 minutes. But it was all good. I am really encouraged by how the young people handled the event, each one did his part. The night before I was really encouraged when I listened to the radio on the way home. Jam (88.3) was having a concert featuring Gary V. His songs and testimonies really uplifted my spirit. I was really encouraged when he talked about their preparation for that concert. That when the time of performance came, all you really have to do is to savor "the fruit of your labor" because you really have nothing more to do but to enjoy the moment.
Anyway, we're leaving at 4AM later. I'm still thinking if I'm gonna get some sleep. Later.
Had a good rest today. No schedule to wake me up. Yesterday the youth left church at 8:30PM because of the rehearsal we're having for next Saturday's Christmas evangelistic concert. Exhausting but worthwhile. We're having songs, drama, videos, hand mime etc. Praying that many will come and many will come and receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior.
Evaluating the eight spokes of my life (Warning: it's an endless post)
Morning. I'm supposed to have a video coverage today with my pastor in our church planting site in Valenzuela. After taking a bath and a shave, he called to say our meeting would be cancelled because he isn't feeling well. Oh well, it's cool. I have the morning to blog and re-evaluate.
The year's almost coming to an end. I'd say every year is a season of pruning, learning, building relationships, molding and discovering. I have matured and continuing to do so. I am blessed with opportunities to make an impact in several ways. I believe this year's a time of preparation and refinement of my call, all in God's sovereign purpose of which I am or may not be aware of. I have become a multi-tasker, which at first I like doing, but now gets the toll on my health, though not in a serious way, but if I wouldn't take care of myself it would be heading there.
I would like to evaluate myself based on the 8 spokes of life (I learned this from Dr. Chuck Quinley when I was in his Personal Life Management class, so good): Spiritual, family, health, social, ministry, career, financial and personal.
Spiritual life. My personal relationship with the Lord. There are times its on a high, there are times its on a low - mostly because of my doing. I am not yet perfect, but I thank Him that He continues to reveal who He is to me. Truly when you get to know Him more, the more you have reasons to love Him. He is a loving Father. I wouldn't forget what Ptr. Tom said during the young adults convergence back in October, that I cannot pretend before God. This helps me to come before Him not pretending to be OK when I'm not and to freely worship Him with more "undignity" because He deserves it. I am not content with my relationship with Him, though I'm thankful with what I have now. I want it to be stronger, me more broken and sensitive to His will.
Family. My family is doing OK. I have loving parents and a great brother. The issue with work doesn't resurface often anymore. I try to help the best I could. I love them, and sometimes it hits me when the time would come that they or I won't be around. Honestly it gives me an adult fear. I just wish that my parents would spend and love "life" with us together. If got the chance I would like to take them to the beach or picnic or something. Enjoy something together as a family. Isn't that the father's initiative?
Health. I have no continuous source of exercice except for walking and walking and walking. I thank God that I have not suffer any serious illness because of too much work. But there are times when sleep is less, I just want a good and complete sleep. I take vitamins to cope up with loss of natural source of healthy lifestyle (food, exercise, sleep), whom some say is already a point of concern because of that mindset. I do Badminton once in a while and I would like to make it more routinal. I do eat a lot, because I love eating and it's obvious that I've gained weight specially on the tummy. I would like to hit the gym again, which is only inches away (I have a benchpress at home which is collecting cobwebs). But it's not so bad. With my tasks God continues to give grace so that my body won't break down. And I believe that when it's God's work you're doing He has your health insurace covered, just don't push it.
Social. I am blessed with friends in the ministry especially those whom I could share life, struggles and dreams with without trying to be a hero. They are hidden springs who I can retreat to and just remind myself that I'm just a human who need friends. I appreciate ministry relationships with colleagues and the younger leaders whom I am fond of. Even my relationship with our youth core I appreciate, truly we are growing together and maturing, some of the fruits we are enjoying as I write. I am glad that my past relationships is continuing to heal and has covered much ground. I've learned a lot. I am amazed at how God needed to whack me more than once to get His point across. Now I got it. Today I'm going out with and getting to know someone whom I so fond of spending time with. And now I have placed God in the center of that relationship. In due time I will talk about her more here.
Ministry. What else could I say about this. I'm humbled that God would open opportunities to serve Him as a youth pastor, a sectional youth coordinator, a campus worker and a ministry product developer.. and some more that could use some help in between. Though it's pushing itself into my other spokes, which is a point of concern. It's not more an issue of health, toil is nothing when you love doing what you're doing, but of relationships that are endangered to be neglected and taken for granted. I've specially committed myself to work on my relationships especially my love life on a competitive priority, because in order a desired goal to really happen one should give time and effort right? Ministry-wise I am content with what He has given me and I just want to cultivate and let them grow.
Career. Being a designer lately has been a source of stress for me. With the demands of ministry I still have to push them into the schedule. But what's one gotta do in order to provide for his family? I love expressing art and executing creativity, but pulling in the next payment for the bills gets the greater purpose of work today. It's a thing to be done. School on average demands time and energy, it's a non-negotiable. My season in the bible school I realized is a time of refining and unveiling of His long-term purpose for my ministry. I am glad that I have this season to really pray and discern what He wants me to do when I get out.
Financial. The bottom line - I'm still alive. I thank Him that He meets both ends. There are times of abundance and lack, but just like Paul say, I learn to be content with the current season. Learning to trust Him for my needs and my family's. Though I need to trim down on excesses because I'm a self-confessed extravagant sometimes even impulsive spender.
Personal. Am I happy with my life? Yes? Though sometimes my face doesn't show it, mukha lang talaga akong bato. But I'm happy with what He is doing in my life. I don't know where I'd be if I never knew Him. I learned to not to copy other people because I am my unique self, with my own ways to express care and love for others. I tend not to listen to other people's judgments anymore because my real friends know me. I'm not rude, just introvert, I was chatting with Chad of Cebu about this one time because I learned that we have almost the same personality and personality struggles. I learned I'm not really suplado, just shy. And the real solution is not to change from being suplado to "hi-hello" friendliness which could sometimes be hyporcitical, but to change from being shy to being confident in the Lord, now that's biblical (1Ti 1:7).
Congratulations if you finished reading this post. It's a bit long. It's more for me, progressive evaluation and discovery of myself. I constantly need your prayers, I sincerely believe they work wonders in my life.
The year's almost coming to an end. I'd say every year is a season of pruning, learning, building relationships, molding and discovering. I have matured and continuing to do so. I am blessed with opportunities to make an impact in several ways. I believe this year's a time of preparation and refinement of my call, all in God's sovereign purpose of which I am or may not be aware of. I have become a multi-tasker, which at first I like doing, but now gets the toll on my health, though not in a serious way, but if I wouldn't take care of myself it would be heading there.
I would like to evaluate myself based on the 8 spokes of life (I learned this from Dr. Chuck Quinley when I was in his Personal Life Management class, so good): Spiritual, family, health, social, ministry, career, financial and personal.
Spiritual life. My personal relationship with the Lord. There are times its on a high, there are times its on a low - mostly because of my doing. I am not yet perfect, but I thank Him that He continues to reveal who He is to me. Truly when you get to know Him more, the more you have reasons to love Him. He is a loving Father. I wouldn't forget what Ptr. Tom said during the young adults convergence back in October, that I cannot pretend before God. This helps me to come before Him not pretending to be OK when I'm not and to freely worship Him with more "undignity" because He deserves it. I am not content with my relationship with Him, though I'm thankful with what I have now. I want it to be stronger, me more broken and sensitive to His will.
Family. My family is doing OK. I have loving parents and a great brother. The issue with work doesn't resurface often anymore. I try to help the best I could. I love them, and sometimes it hits me when the time would come that they or I won't be around. Honestly it gives me an adult fear. I just wish that my parents would spend and love "life" with us together. If got the chance I would like to take them to the beach or picnic or something. Enjoy something together as a family. Isn't that the father's initiative?
Health. I have no continuous source of exercice except for walking and walking and walking. I thank God that I have not suffer any serious illness because of too much work. But there are times when sleep is less, I just want a good and complete sleep. I take vitamins to cope up with loss of natural source of healthy lifestyle (food, exercise, sleep), whom some say is already a point of concern because of that mindset. I do Badminton once in a while and I would like to make it more routinal. I do eat a lot, because I love eating and it's obvious that I've gained weight specially on the tummy. I would like to hit the gym again, which is only inches away (I have a benchpress at home which is collecting cobwebs). But it's not so bad. With my tasks God continues to give grace so that my body won't break down. And I believe that when it's God's work you're doing He has your health insurace covered, just don't push it.
Social. I am blessed with friends in the ministry especially those whom I could share life, struggles and dreams with without trying to be a hero. They are hidden springs who I can retreat to and just remind myself that I'm just a human who need friends. I appreciate ministry relationships with colleagues and the younger leaders whom I am fond of. Even my relationship with our youth core I appreciate, truly we are growing together and maturing, some of the fruits we are enjoying as I write. I am glad that my past relationships is continuing to heal and has covered much ground. I've learned a lot. I am amazed at how God needed to whack me more than once to get His point across. Now I got it. Today I'm going out with and getting to know someone whom I so fond of spending time with. And now I have placed God in the center of that relationship. In due time I will talk about her more here.
Ministry. What else could I say about this. I'm humbled that God would open opportunities to serve Him as a youth pastor, a sectional youth coordinator, a campus worker and a ministry product developer.. and some more that could use some help in between. Though it's pushing itself into my other spokes, which is a point of concern. It's not more an issue of health, toil is nothing when you love doing what you're doing, but of relationships that are endangered to be neglected and taken for granted. I've specially committed myself to work on my relationships especially my love life on a competitive priority, because in order a desired goal to really happen one should give time and effort right? Ministry-wise I am content with what He has given me and I just want to cultivate and let them grow.
Career. Being a designer lately has been a source of stress for me. With the demands of ministry I still have to push them into the schedule. But what's one gotta do in order to provide for his family? I love expressing art and executing creativity, but pulling in the next payment for the bills gets the greater purpose of work today. It's a thing to be done. School on average demands time and energy, it's a non-negotiable. My season in the bible school I realized is a time of refining and unveiling of His long-term purpose for my ministry. I am glad that I have this season to really pray and discern what He wants me to do when I get out.
Financial. The bottom line - I'm still alive. I thank Him that He meets both ends. There are times of abundance and lack, but just like Paul say, I learn to be content with the current season. Learning to trust Him for my needs and my family's. Though I need to trim down on excesses because I'm a self-confessed extravagant sometimes even impulsive spender.
Personal. Am I happy with my life? Yes? Though sometimes my face doesn't show it, mukha lang talaga akong bato. But I'm happy with what He is doing in my life. I don't know where I'd be if I never knew Him. I learned to not to copy other people because I am my unique self, with my own ways to express care and love for others. I tend not to listen to other people's judgments anymore because my real friends know me. I'm not rude, just introvert, I was chatting with Chad of Cebu about this one time because I learned that we have almost the same personality and personality struggles. I learned I'm not really suplado, just shy. And the real solution is not to change from being suplado to "hi-hello" friendliness which could sometimes be hyporcitical, but to change from being shy to being confident in the Lord, now that's biblical (1Ti 1:7).
Congratulations if you finished reading this post. It's a bit long. It's more for me, progressive evaluation and discovery of myself. I constantly need your prayers, I sincerely believe they work wonders in my life.
I just came back from our district (Southern Tagalog District Council) convention held in Caliraya, Laguna where I was initiated into the district and sectional elections. I came in noon at the second day of the convention (I had to miss the first day for my class.) Here are some highlights of my trip.
- Preparing to go there I learned that Caliraya Lake is a man-made lake made by Americans.
- Took a bus trip from Manila to Sta. Cruz, Laguna, jeepney from Sta. Cruz to Lumban and enjoyed the scenic road of Pagsanjan with its old stone arches entering the town, old hispanic houses with its prominent staircases leading up to their salas, and Pagsanjan church. I enjoyed it, though I've seen them before. From Lumban drop off I had to take another jeep up to Caliraya but because the jeepneys were always full I had no choice but to hang onto the jeepney until my muscles explode because of strain.
- Spending time with colleagues and people in the ministry, some whom I grew up with in the ministry, and just share not so much with each other's ministerial duties but with life, personal struggles and dreams.
- Participating in election. I don't like the feeling. But things like this had to be done.
- The food of Caliraya is still good.
- Seeing a full-sized rainbow over the hilltop. I've haven't seen one in a long time. It made me happy.
- Hitching a ride with Ptr. Wai-man and Sis. Josie back to Manila and just listen, share and learn from them.
Me and my little friend
I've just uploaded the pictures from my Bohol trip. I'm back in rush mode again. Here are some highlights of my trip:
- Diving in Balicasag after my last dive 2 years ago in Anilao
- Seeing sea turtles for the first time
- Swimming against a school of barracudas (the one who killed Nemo's mom)
- Vomiting my lunch after a sleep-deprived dive on the first day
- Resting and sleeping without access to computer, internet... reading a good book facing a great view
- Switching flights 3 times due to my work's Christmas party and typhoon Reming
- Seeing the Chocolate Hills
- Seeing, touching and getting a photo op with the tarsiers
- Checking out the hispanic churches of Baclayon, Loboc and Albuquerque
- Seafood!
Today in the car I heard a song in NU Rock which was the theme song of the TV-series Panday of Jericho Rosales that aired few months/years back. The series kinda flopped but the theme song is good. I don't know who sang it. It's one of those new bands. I begin to reflect on the song which could be a heart-song of God for us:
Ipaglalaban ko ang ating pag-ibig
Maghintay ka lamang, ako'y darating
'Pagkat sa isang taong mahal mo ng buong puso lahat ay gagawin
Makita kang muli
Ipaglalaban ko ang ating pag-ibig
Maghintay ka lamang, ako'y darating
'Pagkat sa isang taong mahal mo ng buong puso lahat ay gagawin
Makita kang muli
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