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The Mind of the Melancholeric Man: Musings on Life and Ministry by Patrick Tan
I am OK now. :) There's a point where I need to 'drown' (again) my old self dead with everything that's God's. And it drowned.
Yesterday was the end of one of our campus cells in Parada National High School. I felt we were hitting a dead end. And it wasn't serving our purpose. It was a unanimous decision between me and my assistant.
I sound like a quitter, though I hesistated to give it up. Somehow I don't want to let myself down. But looking at the facts, it was a wise decision made late even, where we could have prevented early on.
I have to sit with my co-leader for another 30 minutes just to let it sink in that it is over. But after our conversation, hesitation is gone, like when a burden is gone.
One cell down. Two to nurture.
It is a good day today.
Yesterday was the end of one of our campus cells in Parada National High School. I felt we were hitting a dead end. And it wasn't serving our purpose. It was a unanimous decision between me and my assistant.
I sound like a quitter, though I hesistated to give it up. Somehow I don't want to let myself down. But looking at the facts, it was a wise decision made late even, where we could have prevented early on.
I have to sit with my co-leader for another 30 minutes just to let it sink in that it is over. But after our conversation, hesitation is gone, like when a burden is gone.
One cell down. Two to nurture.
It is a good day today.
Today I did nothing. Chilled out. Had an hour meeting with Pastor early afternoon.
Yesterday. In the morning I went to Acropolis in Libis, QC for a meeting with a design company which a client hired and formed a team that includes me. Her office is located in her house, a very fine house. She had lots of ecclectic collections and wood furnitures. Very rustic.
After the meeting I went to mall to meet my parents there to purchase some items for our house.
Past days have been shaky inside, though its cause is my own stupidity. The enemy can shoot us down even in our highest flights. Pray that God's mercy lasts the night.
Yesterday. In the morning I went to Acropolis in Libis, QC for a meeting with a design company which a client hired and formed a team that includes me. Her office is located in her house, a very fine house. She had lots of ecclectic collections and wood furnitures. Very rustic.
After the meeting I went to mall to meet my parents there to purchase some items for our house.
Past days have been shaky inside, though its cause is my own stupidity. The enemy can shoot us down even in our highest flights. Pray that God's mercy lasts the night.
Today at lunch I dropped by McDonald's (again) to visit Leslie, Katrina and Bernadette a.k.a. 'Badorch' (tama ba yun?), my new friends from our cellgroup in Chiang Kai Shek College. Kat gave me a PDL Daily Inspiration Book, so sweet of her. We stayed there until 3:30PM afterwards we went to their tutoring place near the school. They tutor elementary kids. After which Lawrence, Brznf and I met to go prayerwalking in school.
I came to church for practice but there was no electricity. Soon I began to panic. But an hour later power came back so we were able to practice for tomorrow's concert.
I came to church for practice but there was no electricity. Soon I began to panic. But an hour later power came back so we were able to practice for tomorrow's concert.
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Got home an hour ago. Tired.
This afternoon's campus cellgroup was unbelievable. I babysat a bunch of kids (first year highschool - 12-13 years old) in the Valenzuela highschool. Looks like they just came there for the fun and the chance to stay out home. Grabe. I felt tired. It wasn't what I expected to be. And it's becoming a burden. And they are still growing in numbers. I don't know if I would call it a opportunity or problem. I don't know if my patience is tested, I'm a natural short fuse.
Campus cellgroups in the 2 college are up and running. Gearing up for our quarterly All-out Praise And Worship (APAW) for Saturday.
Need.. rest..
This afternoon's campus cellgroup was unbelievable. I babysat a bunch of kids (first year highschool - 12-13 years old) in the Valenzuela highschool. Looks like they just came there for the fun and the chance to stay out home. Grabe. I felt tired. It wasn't what I expected to be. And it's becoming a burden. And they are still growing in numbers. I don't know if I would call it a opportunity or problem. I don't know if my patience is tested, I'm a natural short fuse.
Campus cellgroups in the 2 college are up and running. Gearing up for our quarterly All-out Praise And Worship (APAW) for Saturday.
Need.. rest..
Check this out:
Now, view this image upside-down... cool huh...
Just finished reading Dan Brown's prequel to 'Da Vinci Code' entitled the 'Angels & Demons'. It's a thriller story that revolves around the ancient war of religion and science. I discovered a fascinating form of art called 'ambigrams'. An ambigram is an art of lettering that can be viewed or read more than once from different vantage points. I made this image myself after getting the hang of doing it. 'Angels and Demons' is another 'un-put-down-able' novel full of mysteries and thrills one will keep reading to the last page.
Now, view this image upside-down... cool huh...
Just finished reading Dan Brown's prequel to 'Da Vinci Code' entitled the 'Angels & Demons'. It's a thriller story that revolves around the ancient war of religion and science. I discovered a fascinating form of art called 'ambigrams'. An ambigram is an art of lettering that can be viewed or read more than once from different vantage points. I made this image myself after getting the hang of doing it. 'Angels and Demons' is another 'un-put-down-able' novel full of mysteries and thrills one will keep reading to the last page.
Learning leadership is never easy
You, most of the time, learn it the hard way.
The campus ministry has been up and going. In its second week, things are doing well. I believe and hope we already have a handful of committed students in the group. Now the youth cellgroups are taking yet another transformation.
Our youth group is composed of 3 subgroups meeting together in the church. Now, I've decided to set the leaders with their own group to meet in the vicinity - not inside the church. The youth group, for years, resisted cell-multiplication and meeting outside which entails evangelism. We became comfortable meeting together like there is no room for others to come in the group. We became stagnant; and stagnant waters breeds parasites. A chance for my leaders to learn responsibility and exercise their leadership, without my unsettling 'interference' for I am a self-admitted control freak.
Is this a wise decision? Their first week only a handful of their members joined the 'cellgroup outing' we scheduled for this week to give them a break after taking a 16-week series on the 16 Fundamental Truths of AG. Suprisingly, the youth is not thrilled in day outings more than a time of Bible study. I guess what they needed more was a break.
Is my control-freakiness rearing its head again... But I need to set them loose, learn from their own experiences to become a leader who is responsible and accountable to their flock. Do I want them to be like me? Yes and No. There is some reservations on my part that keeps me from obliging them and 'follow their dreams...' Is this a right way of thinking?
I remember last Thursday when I was in campus ministry in a Filipino high-school, a student posed to me a question: "Why did I choose to do ministry instead of pursuing Architecture?" Seems a very easy question with a very easy answer for me - This is my passion. But explaining this logically to a poverty-stricken Filipino student seemed impossible. Being in a setting where at a young age, students deal with serious family problems, drugs, poverty and gender-confusion, makes me overwhelmed and find my self helpless to help them. These are the times where praying with them and for them are the only means of help, until God shows me what I should say and do.
The campus ministry has been up and going. In its second week, things are doing well. I believe and hope we already have a handful of committed students in the group. Now the youth cellgroups are taking yet another transformation.
Our youth group is composed of 3 subgroups meeting together in the church. Now, I've decided to set the leaders with their own group to meet in the vicinity - not inside the church. The youth group, for years, resisted cell-multiplication and meeting outside which entails evangelism. We became comfortable meeting together like there is no room for others to come in the group. We became stagnant; and stagnant waters breeds parasites. A chance for my leaders to learn responsibility and exercise their leadership, without my unsettling 'interference' for I am a self-admitted control freak.
Is this a wise decision? Their first week only a handful of their members joined the 'cellgroup outing' we scheduled for this week to give them a break after taking a 16-week series on the 16 Fundamental Truths of AG. Suprisingly, the youth is not thrilled in day outings more than a time of Bible study. I guess what they needed more was a break.
Is my control-freakiness rearing its head again... But I need to set them loose, learn from their own experiences to become a leader who is responsible and accountable to their flock. Do I want them to be like me? Yes and No. There is some reservations on my part that keeps me from obliging them and 'follow their dreams...' Is this a right way of thinking?
I remember last Thursday when I was in campus ministry in a Filipino high-school, a student posed to me a question: "Why did I choose to do ministry instead of pursuing Architecture?" Seems a very easy question with a very easy answer for me - This is my passion. But explaining this logically to a poverty-stricken Filipino student seemed impossible. Being in a setting where at a young age, students deal with serious family problems, drugs, poverty and gender-confusion, makes me overwhelmed and find my self helpless to help them. These are the times where praying with them and for them are the only means of help, until God shows me what I should say and do.
This morning I came went to the district's ministers meeting in West Avenue, QC. Met a handful of friends and 'colleagues'. Generally I still need to get used to these meetings. I felt insignificant, not because I want to be significant, but I felt this is not a place for a 'kid'. I came in late, and by myself, my dad was supposed to come with me but passed the last minute because he still needs to prepare his sermon notes for this Sunday.
After lunch I went to a client meeting in Megamall. We're still closing in a deal with a big-time client. This guy talks and acts like Simon Cowell of American Idol, as in. He acts 'mataray' and tact with matching crossed arms and legs. Really comical, but a guy you wouldn't want to frustrate.
While waiting for Larry the client. I went to Powerbooks to buy a Dan Brown book, "Angels and Demons" is the prequel to Brown's best-selling novel "Da Vinci Code". Dan Brown's novels are the only novels that I can read in three to four days. That's how good the story is (Except for his fictional negativism towards Christianity, particularly the Catholics). I'm not fond of reading think novels, except for the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
After lunch I went to a client meeting in Megamall. We're still closing in a deal with a big-time client. This guy talks and acts like Simon Cowell of American Idol, as in. He acts 'mataray' and tact with matching crossed arms and legs. Really comical, but a guy you wouldn't want to frustrate.
While waiting for Larry the client. I went to Powerbooks to buy a Dan Brown book, "Angels and Demons" is the prequel to Brown's best-selling novel "Da Vinci Code". Dan Brown's novels are the only novels that I can read in three to four days. That's how good the story is (Except for his fictional negativism towards Christianity, particularly the Catholics). I'm not fond of reading think novels, except for the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
"I believe the time for everyone to be born and die is in God's hands. If it's my time to die, I am prepared. I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.
"I was by a person today, 'Are you absolutely sure that you are going to heaven?' I said, 'I'm absolutely sure. Not because of anything I've done. I've sinned. I'm going to heaven because of what Christ did on that cross and the fact that God raised him from the dead.'
"What about you? Is there a doubt in your heart that if you died at this moment you'd go to heaven? Now is the accepted time. Today is the day of salvation. Come while you can."
- Billy Graham, from Songs Inspired by The Passion of the Christ CD
"I was by a person today, 'Are you absolutely sure that you are going to heaven?' I said, 'I'm absolutely sure. Not because of anything I've done. I've sinned. I'm going to heaven because of what Christ did on that cross and the fact that God raised him from the dead.'
"What about you? Is there a doubt in your heart that if you died at this moment you'd go to heaven? Now is the accepted time. Today is the day of salvation. Come while you can."
- Billy Graham, from Songs Inspired by The Passion of the Christ CD
Learning to Walk in Trust
Woke up unusually early today at 6. I think it was an involuntary alarm that woke me up because I was hoping to watch the live feed of the Amazing Race in Studio 23. I learned that the Philippines will be host to last two (2) pit stops before the finish line of the race. One will be in the Coconut Palace in Manila and El Nido in Palawan. Cheers to the Philippines.
There was nothing to watch and it so happened it was time for Joyce Meyer and Benny Hinn ministries back to back on TV.
Listening to them is always a blessing of the soul. Here are some messages that impacted me as I listeded to the preaching:
God's mercies are new every morning - because we tend to use up all that was yesterday. - Joyce Meyer (Funny but thank God)
"What would make you enjoy your life today?" - Joyce
Following Christ will cost you much, it costs everything... And thank God I have nothing. - Katherine Kuhlman from Benny Hinn
During this time God's presence was very present as I felt his love for me. He reminded me to trust only in him and not by my own strength. I have been surrounded lately with politics and ministry that I missed sticking with the basics of making God smile.
Am I making God smile?
Later I will be in campus ministry.
There was nothing to watch and it so happened it was time for Joyce Meyer and Benny Hinn ministries back to back on TV.
Listening to them is always a blessing of the soul. Here are some messages that impacted me as I listeded to the preaching:
God's mercies are new every morning - because we tend to use up all that was yesterday. - Joyce Meyer (Funny but thank God)
"What would make you enjoy your life today?" - Joyce
Following Christ will cost you much, it costs everything... And thank God I have nothing. - Katherine Kuhlman from Benny Hinn
During this time God's presence was very present as I felt his love for me. He reminded me to trust only in him and not by my own strength. I have been surrounded lately with politics and ministry that I missed sticking with the basics of making God smile.
Am I making God smile?
Later I will be in campus ministry.
Last night I slept with a very hard headache. My dad painted the door in our room and the fumes made me really dizzy.
Woke up at around 9am in a designer mode, to go to a client in Makati. It has been almost 3 weeks of collaboration with this project and still no definite direction as to how the final design should look like. I was hoping today might change that. I made a good second layout. I know it when I see one. I won't settle for mediocre outputs. I had high hopes. But when I presented my layout to the client, it was softly rejected. I noticed my spirit go from confident to gloomy even as I talked with the client. I'm not good in hiding feelings. The bottom-line I realized was just follow what the client says. I left their office at lunchtime.
I dropped by Asturias in UST to had the Purpose Driven Life in Tagalog, which my typing team industriously encoded in Word, photocopied for the campus cellgroup in Valenzuela. We typed it because I wanted a week-by-week sections of the PDL to be given weekly, this was to minimize the cost of production from buying a complete book. I still hadn't take lunch.
Then I decided to visit the UST registrar to ask for a transcript of records of my college course. I wanted to make sure I already graduated. I was supposed to graduate last March. I confirmed I already graduated because I am on the list of graduates. One worry off my mind.
Then to pass the time of waiting for the photocopies to be done, I decided to go to SM Manila to watch Kill Bill Vol. 2. Just like the college days. It was a whole tour of the University Belt, Quiapo and Lawton. I arrived in the middle of the movie and watched it from beginning to end. I almost failed to check the time that I left the mall at 6pm, rushing to catch the xerox shop open.
Woke up at around 9am in a designer mode, to go to a client in Makati. It has been almost 3 weeks of collaboration with this project and still no definite direction as to how the final design should look like. I was hoping today might change that. I made a good second layout. I know it when I see one. I won't settle for mediocre outputs. I had high hopes. But when I presented my layout to the client, it was softly rejected. I noticed my spirit go from confident to gloomy even as I talked with the client. I'm not good in hiding feelings. The bottom-line I realized was just follow what the client says. I left their office at lunchtime.
I dropped by Asturias in UST to had the Purpose Driven Life in Tagalog, which my typing team industriously encoded in Word, photocopied for the campus cellgroup in Valenzuela. We typed it because I wanted a week-by-week sections of the PDL to be given weekly, this was to minimize the cost of production from buying a complete book. I still hadn't take lunch.
Then I decided to visit the UST registrar to ask for a transcript of records of my college course. I wanted to make sure I already graduated. I was supposed to graduate last March. I confirmed I already graduated because I am on the list of graduates. One worry off my mind.
Then to pass the time of waiting for the photocopies to be done, I decided to go to SM Manila to watch Kill Bill Vol. 2. Just like the college days. It was a whole tour of the University Belt, Quiapo and Lawton. I arrived in the middle of the movie and watched it from beginning to end. I almost failed to check the time that I left the mall at 6pm, rushing to catch the xerox shop open.
Campus Ministry Kicks Off
This afternoon was the launching of our Campus Carecell in Downtown Manila.
In the morning I was busy working at a project. I was in a designer mode. My design juices had finally start to flow since the night before. I woke up a little late, because I slept late. That's how I am when struck with idea, it wouldn't wait till the next day because I might lost it.
It was nearing 12PM, and it is my prayer & fasting time. This time of prayer is very important, because 2 hours later will be the kick-ff of the campus cellgroups. It seems difficult to let go of the keyboard and mouse when there's so much idea going on. And to add to that I am in a struggle to focus on Him.
The day before I and Brznf went to Campus Crusade to purchase Purpose Driven Life books to be given to the students in the campus cellgroups. As I dropped by at McDonalds that day in two separate times. I began to worry about the restaurant's management if they would allow us to do cellgroups there. Because I have heard stories of cellgroups being scolded for meeting there for the sake of meeting, not eating.
Thank God for friends who are praying for me.
I was reminded of a passage in 2 Corinthians that says today is the day of God's favor, today is the day of salvation (2Co 6:2). I prayed that God would strengthen my spirit. Victory is at hand.
I came to McDonald's (that's where we meet) to see there are no students from campus ministry yet. I was shaken. But soon enought, they started pouring in. Our campus cells are grouped by schools, there are two at present - Chiang Kai Shek College and Metropolitan Nursing College. We had to make two groups for the Chiang Kai Campus because there were to many students to handle by one cell leader in this setting. All in all there were 13 students who came.
I got a chance to pray with some of the students and listen to their life stories, problems at home and in the family and their desire to pursue the campus ministry.
Tomorrow, I will be going to Parada National High School in Valenzuela City, north of Manila to launch another campus ministry there. I hear there will be a lot of students who are interested in joining the campus.
Next week will be our Purpose Driven Life Book Distribution.
O Jesus, I want to see your name be lifted high in the campuses.
In the morning I was busy working at a project. I was in a designer mode. My design juices had finally start to flow since the night before. I woke up a little late, because I slept late. That's how I am when struck with idea, it wouldn't wait till the next day because I might lost it.
It was nearing 12PM, and it is my prayer & fasting time. This time of prayer is very important, because 2 hours later will be the kick-ff of the campus cellgroups. It seems difficult to let go of the keyboard and mouse when there's so much idea going on. And to add to that I am in a struggle to focus on Him.
The day before I and Brznf went to Campus Crusade to purchase Purpose Driven Life books to be given to the students in the campus cellgroups. As I dropped by at McDonalds that day in two separate times. I began to worry about the restaurant's management if they would allow us to do cellgroups there. Because I have heard stories of cellgroups being scolded for meeting there for the sake of meeting, not eating.
Thank God for friends who are praying for me.
I was reminded of a passage in 2 Corinthians that says today is the day of God's favor, today is the day of salvation (2Co 6:2). I prayed that God would strengthen my spirit. Victory is at hand.
I came to McDonald's (that's where we meet) to see there are no students from campus ministry yet. I was shaken. But soon enought, they started pouring in. Our campus cells are grouped by schools, there are two at present - Chiang Kai Shek College and Metropolitan Nursing College. We had to make two groups for the Chiang Kai Campus because there were to many students to handle by one cell leader in this setting. All in all there were 13 students who came.
I got a chance to pray with some of the students and listen to their life stories, problems at home and in the family and their desire to pursue the campus ministry.
Tomorrow, I will be going to Parada National High School in Valenzuela City, north of Manila to launch another campus ministry there. I hear there will be a lot of students who are interested in joining the campus.
Next week will be our Purpose Driven Life Book Distribution.
O Jesus, I want to see your name be lifted high in the campuses.
Watched Spiderman 2 for the second time this afternoon together with the youth. The movie house was jam-packed we had to sit on the isle for a while. It wasn't much of a movie experience unlike the first time I saw it in Greenhills during its last full show at 12 midnight. This time I again encountered typical movie wreckers I would call it...
First was this guy who as if his girlfriend was blind/dumb that he need to describe and explain the logic of everything that happens on the screen. Like "yeah I can see that..." Second was this kid who got her foot stuck in the chair and began screaming and her mother thinks it's amusing. I didn't like that the movie board rated this movie a GP (General Patronage) if that means letting in kids who have short attention spans play house inside the movie house. Third was this old lady who is hyper-reactive in every fight scene where she would suddenly shout inaudible comments when Spiderman is losing to Dr. Octopus.
But then again, this isn't my private movie house...
After the movie one by one we started to part and go home. When we got to Caloocan, only four of us boys were left, so we decided to eat dinner. But we dropped by first to Caloocan Bethel to visit Mimi and invited their youth band to join us at dinner.
So I had quite a day. I got home exhausted. But it's all good. Yet I'm a little behind schedule at work. Need to recharge...
First was this guy who as if his girlfriend was blind/dumb that he need to describe and explain the logic of everything that happens on the screen. Like "yeah I can see that..." Second was this kid who got her foot stuck in the chair and began screaming and her mother thinks it's amusing. I didn't like that the movie board rated this movie a GP (General Patronage) if that means letting in kids who have short attention spans play house inside the movie house. Third was this old lady who is hyper-reactive in every fight scene where she would suddenly shout inaudible comments when Spiderman is losing to Dr. Octopus.
But then again, this isn't my private movie house...
After the movie one by one we started to part and go home. When we got to Caloocan, only four of us boys were left, so we decided to eat dinner. But we dropped by first to Caloocan Bethel to visit Mimi and invited their youth band to join us at dinner.
So I had quite a day. I got home exhausted. But it's all good. Yet I'm a little behind schedule at work. Need to recharge...
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I am still going to an Internet cafe. Phone is still dead. Life is still slow from a techno-dependent perspective.
Got home at 3am. Earlier I had dinner with my college friends in Don Henrico's in Glorietta. Nice to catch up on what's happening to my friends. After that, the girls went home early and JP, Kenneth and I catched up on the last full show of Spider-Man 2.
I loved the fight scenes between Dr. Octopus and Spider-man. Specially the one where Aunt May was kidnapped by Oct. I liked the character relationships were very well developed. Definitely a movie to watch for 2nd and 3rd time.
Got home at 3am. Earlier I had dinner with my college friends in Don Henrico's in Glorietta. Nice to catch up on what's happening to my friends. After that, the girls went home early and JP, Kenneth and I catched up on the last full show of Spider-Man 2.
I loved the fight scenes between Dr. Octopus and Spider-man. Specially the one where Aunt May was kidnapped by Oct. I liked the character relationships were very well developed. Definitely a movie to watch for 2nd and 3rd time.
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