The Mind of the Melancholeric Man: Musings on Life and Ministry by Patrick Tan
Right now I'm at an Internet cafe. Our phone is down since last two days. Sucks. A part of my life is at halt, which freaks me because I have nothing to do when there is no Internet present, even with a PC. Maybe it's the feeling of being not connected to the outside world. Or feeling of being useless. Last night I decided to watch a marathon of Lord of the Rings in my PC. I made it until half of the Two Towers and I began to sleep.
The School of Brokenness
I have already finished reading A Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards. What a very powerful book. It shamefully speaks of me, in similar ways, an Absalom and a Saul to some people. Reading the book proves that truth can sometimes be very difficult to digest. Kuya Sur introduced me to this 'school of brokenness' which he is also a student. So now we're classmates.
It says there are two portions to God's being, if I understood correctly. One is power and the other is humility/brokenness. Which of the two would you desire to acquire if given a chance. More years, we've been praying for God's power and anointing, but within the far corners of our minds ambition a.k.a. pride slips into our hearts. Humility on the other hand is something we cultivate within ourselves. That was one of the contrasting qualities of King Saul and King David. The first sought power, the latter was an alumni of the school of brokenness.
I learned that during times of attack. David did nothing to counter-attack. What an amazing guy. And surely God fought for him. He didn't raise a hand over his enemies. Saul killed himself, Absalom was caught by the tree branches.
As I ponder this remarkable revelation. I am kind of confused where to place myself during my own times of threat and attack. King David simply did nothing, didn't counter-attack a smallest bit.
I pray that I may pass this school of brokenness. Brethrens have been saying that I will soon be subject to being broken by the Lord. It's funny because people think I'm this 'conio' guy who doesn't want to get his hands dirty. Well actually, I've been anticipating God's breaking in my life.
It says there are two portions to God's being, if I understood correctly. One is power and the other is humility/brokenness. Which of the two would you desire to acquire if given a chance. More years, we've been praying for God's power and anointing, but within the far corners of our minds ambition a.k.a. pride slips into our hearts. Humility on the other hand is something we cultivate within ourselves. That was one of the contrasting qualities of King Saul and King David. The first sought power, the latter was an alumni of the school of brokenness.
I learned that during times of attack. David did nothing to counter-attack. What an amazing guy. And surely God fought for him. He didn't raise a hand over his enemies. Saul killed himself, Absalom was caught by the tree branches.
As I ponder this remarkable revelation. I am kind of confused where to place myself during my own times of threat and attack. King David simply did nothing, didn't counter-attack a smallest bit.
I pray that I may pass this school of brokenness. Brethrens have been saying that I will soon be subject to being broken by the Lord. It's funny because people think I'm this 'conio' guy who doesn't want to get his hands dirty. Well actually, I've been anticipating God's breaking in my life.
We Have Moved Again
I'm back. This week we had moved house again, for good I hope. We moved from MCU to 10th Avenue in Caloocan. My father owns the house. It's a good thing though because we won't pay rent anymore. This house was truly a blessing from God. We didn’t expect to find a three-floor house at a low price. My parents are very prayerful.
My internet connection has just been restored. There is only one PLDT phone line here. I was asking to apply for another phone line solely for my internet connection because I always get online to do work or be 'alive' for that matter. I was thinking of subscribing to PLDT myDSL but the fee is way to high almost 4 times more expensive than my dial-up subscription today.
Our room is almost set-up. I'm hoping to set-up a gym and my marine reef aquarium again if given a freer time.
My neighborhood now is a typical Pinoy suburb. Lots of people in the street, trying to cool off in the night. Lots of kids playing. I've not been a good neighbor lately as I
have suffered a delayed reaction from the neighbor's friendly greetings. I just realize they were greeting me a few seconds after. I hope I get to meet them again so they won't brand me as 'suplado'.
My internet connection has just been restored. There is only one PLDT phone line here. I was asking to apply for another phone line solely for my internet connection because I always get online to do work or be 'alive' for that matter. I was thinking of subscribing to PLDT myDSL but the fee is way to high almost 4 times more expensive than my dial-up subscription today.
Our room is almost set-up. I'm hoping to set-up a gym and my marine reef aquarium again if given a freer time.
My neighborhood now is a typical Pinoy suburb. Lots of people in the street, trying to cool off in the night. Lots of kids playing. I've not been a good neighbor lately as I
have suffered a delayed reaction from the neighbor's friendly greetings. I just realize they were greeting me a few seconds after. I hope I get to meet them again so they won't brand me as 'suplado'.
Last night I met Kuya Sur. Again we talked or he talked while I pondered on his philosophical questions. It's cool though, exercise of the mind.
I am more logical in thinking as I told him. I remember when people begin to talk about theories and philosophies I tend to look stupid because I really don't go much to that side of the brain. I perceive philosophies & theories are invisible, formless, non-matter objects that my logical mind finds hard to grasp. I tend to freeze on impromptu questions of the like. That's why I would fail in a Question & Answer portion of a beauty pageant. Well, that's me..
The question of how the prosperous walk in faith is again brought up. Finally he revealed the answer: Contentment is how the prosperous walk in faith.
I really appreciate Kuya Sur's time spending with me. I begin to see the other sides of being a servant of the Lord. Matters of the heart, character and the being of a leader.
I am more logical in thinking as I told him. I remember when people begin to talk about theories and philosophies I tend to look stupid because I really don't go much to that side of the brain. I perceive philosophies & theories are invisible, formless, non-matter objects that my logical mind finds hard to grasp. I tend to freeze on impromptu questions of the like. That's why I would fail in a Question & Answer portion of a beauty pageant. Well, that's me..
The question of how the prosperous walk in faith is again brought up. Finally he revealed the answer: Contentment is how the prosperous walk in faith.
I really appreciate Kuya Sur's time spending with me. I begin to see the other sides of being a servant of the Lord. Matters of the heart, character and the being of a leader.
This morning I went to Makati to drop by Roadrunner Productions, my next big project.
At lunchtime I went to Masangkay to visit a student gathering of my leaders Joallyn & Brznf. There were a handful of students who showed up, all Joallyn's highschool classmates back at Philippine Cultural High School. There were specially two ladies who are friendly: Jeraldine and Joan, both Joallyn's classmates in Metropolitan Nursing College today. I pray that I may impact their lives as the days progress...
As for the other students, they were a bit skeptical and not serious about our invitation to join campus ministry. My leaders were a bit discouraged & resentful but I told them we can be counted worthy to 'suffer,' (in this case to sound like a whacko to unbelieving listeners) for the gospel of Jesus.
Please pray with us as the campus ministry in the Fil-Chi area opens this July. Praying for more students to join us, but nevertheless, praise God for what we have today.
At lunchtime I went to Masangkay to visit a student gathering of my leaders Joallyn & Brznf. There were a handful of students who showed up, all Joallyn's highschool classmates back at Philippine Cultural High School. There were specially two ladies who are friendly: Jeraldine and Joan, both Joallyn's classmates in Metropolitan Nursing College today. I pray that I may impact their lives as the days progress...
As for the other students, they were a bit skeptical and not serious about our invitation to join campus ministry. My leaders were a bit discouraged & resentful but I told them we can be counted worthy to 'suffer,' (in this case to sound like a whacko to unbelieving listeners) for the gospel of Jesus.
Please pray with us as the campus ministry in the Fil-Chi area opens this July. Praying for more students to join us, but nevertheless, praise God for what we have today.
This Ifugao hut is where we stayed for the night... adorned with carabao skulls and Bulol rice gods...
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Back in Banaue, we stayed in Hiwang Native Inn, a place where one can have an almost 360 view of the Banaue and Hapao Rice Terraces.
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Arriving in Tappiya Falls, this rugged hidden falls is worth all my tireness and muscle-ache.
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The path through the rice field never ends... We passed through the village in the midst of the rice terraces...
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My Banaue Trip
This morning I came from Banaue, Ifugao. I came home around 4 in the morning. It fortunately has been my second time to return to the rice terraces. Last time was during my 4th year college class trip.
I went with Kuya Jess and Mimi this time, only three of us. The purpose of this trip was to help Kuya Jess find a suitable honeymoon spot and we successfully found one! A very romantic place in a place called Hiwang. The Hiwang Native Inn was first an artist's garden collection of native Ifugao houses and wood carvings and now become a serene hideaway in Banaue. Truly a hidden treasure.
We slept in a native Ifugao house complete with free evening bonfire. We had the place for ourselves since it was not peak season. I remember when we went to Banaue, it was heavily raining in Manila, I thought it would be a very wet trip in Banaue but I was wrong, it was very sunny and its the planting season so the rice terraces are very, very green.
For those who would consider going to Banaue: Round-trip tickets to and from Banaue costs P600 (Autobus in Morayta), P1250 private jeep roundtrip from Banaue town proper to Saddle (farthest jeepney point after which one will hike for one hour to Batad) and from Saddle to town proper. P100/night stay in Batad. P500/24 hour stay in Hiwang. A rough budget of P3000 would be enough... For me I always take the more challenging roads..
I went with Kuya Jess and Mimi this time, only three of us. The purpose of this trip was to help Kuya Jess find a suitable honeymoon spot and we successfully found one! A very romantic place in a place called Hiwang. The Hiwang Native Inn was first an artist's garden collection of native Ifugao houses and wood carvings and now become a serene hideaway in Banaue. Truly a hidden treasure.
We slept in a native Ifugao house complete with free evening bonfire. We had the place for ourselves since it was not peak season. I remember when we went to Banaue, it was heavily raining in Manila, I thought it would be a very wet trip in Banaue but I was wrong, it was very sunny and its the planting season so the rice terraces are very, very green.
For those who would consider going to Banaue: Round-trip tickets to and from Banaue costs P600 (Autobus in Morayta), P1250 private jeep roundtrip from Banaue town proper to Saddle (farthest jeepney point after which one will hike for one hour to Batad) and from Saddle to town proper. P100/night stay in Batad. P500/24 hour stay in Hiwang. A rough budget of P3000 would be enough... For me I always take the more challenging roads..
Just got home. This morning it was my first time to lead worship on a Sunday. Glad the congregation had a positive response. But most of all, it was all for Him. Can't wait to lead worship again, I am scheduled once a month.
We had a special speaker. A missionary from China for 9 years. Her name was Julie Fuentes, a Filipino but very well versed in Mandarin after all those years of mission in China. She really challenge me and continue to keep my focus on my long term calling. She was inviting me to join a short week summer exposure in China this summer 2005. I'm still considering it, because there is also a Palawan mission trip in April 2005 from Pastor Joedy. Probably I'll send my leaders to Palawan and go with some folks to China on summer. :)
Tonight I will be going to Banawe, Ifugao. I will be accompanying a friend to look for nice honyemoon spots for him and his wife. They'll be getting married on December. I always love the Cordilleras, the hike, the chill and the adventure! Be back on Wednesday evening. See yah.
We had a special speaker. A missionary from China for 9 years. Her name was Julie Fuentes, a Filipino but very well versed in Mandarin after all those years of mission in China. She really challenge me and continue to keep my focus on my long term calling. She was inviting me to join a short week summer exposure in China this summer 2005. I'm still considering it, because there is also a Palawan mission trip in April 2005 from Pastor Joedy. Probably I'll send my leaders to Palawan and go with some folks to China on summer. :)
Tonight I will be going to Banawe, Ifugao. I will be accompanying a friend to look for nice honyemoon spots for him and his wife. They'll be getting married on December. I always love the Cordilleras, the hike, the chill and the adventure! Be back on Wednesday evening. See yah.
This afternoon I went to Chiang Kai Shek College to do prayerwalking with my leaders. It was drizzling and windy at times. But we still prayed in the sidewalk across the school.
After that we stopped by McDonalds for snack. During that time, I decided to visit Mhian, a youth leader whose family left the church. I didn't found her there, only his dad and Eman his brother was around. We chatted for a while, settled unresolved issues. May God's will be done if they would return to our church.
After that I went to SM North to meet Kuya Sur. I met Pastor Sur during summer and was able to spend time with him during my two weeks stay at AIYS. He's very jolly person with sense. He gave a book called "The Top 10 Mistakes Leaders Make." We talked about lots of things. I really appreciated that he 'stirred' my thinking about life and my work. Some of the questions were:
- How do the prosperous/rich walk in faith?
- How will I express my obedience to God after his calling?
- What would you do if you serve a furious and mad king (Tale of Three Kings)?
I thank God for bringing another person who I can look up to. I need people like Kuya Sur in my walk to keep me focused, motivated and not lose vision. I wanted to share my story to him in good time.
I've shared to him my concerns of revealing my calling to people who knew me before. I am quite confident of being discovered walking through the pastoral path. I expect some will not understand, but others will. It's in this point in our lives we make identity for ourselves, make unpopular choices which are unnecessarily right or wrong, because in the end it's one man for himself.
How does the prosperous walk in faith? My previous notion of walking in faith is to be deprived of financial stability, putting your faith in God to take care of you. But I realized this is a narrow-minded concept of self-pity and depravation, unless it is a true calling of God. So tell me, how does the prosperous walk in faith? It doesn't always have to deal with financial or material poverty.. Does walking in faith mean sacrificing? Can relationships be sacrificed? Personal achievements and fame? I still have to discover the answer to this question.
How do I express my obedience to God's after his calling? I delayed my enrollment in bible school, which was my immediate way of expressing obedience. I feel these are the things God asks me to do: Pursue pastoring to the young people and the campus, and do missions.
Now I have really talked a lot haven't I? As the saying goes, "Silent waters run deep." Regardless if people think I am boring, I learned to appreciate myself.
Just random thoughts...
After that we stopped by McDonalds for snack. During that time, I decided to visit Mhian, a youth leader whose family left the church. I didn't found her there, only his dad and Eman his brother was around. We chatted for a while, settled unresolved issues. May God's will be done if they would return to our church.
After that I went to SM North to meet Kuya Sur. I met Pastor Sur during summer and was able to spend time with him during my two weeks stay at AIYS. He's very jolly person with sense. He gave a book called "The Top 10 Mistakes Leaders Make." We talked about lots of things. I really appreciated that he 'stirred' my thinking about life and my work. Some of the questions were:
- How do the prosperous/rich walk in faith?
- How will I express my obedience to God after his calling?
- What would you do if you serve a furious and mad king (Tale of Three Kings)?
I thank God for bringing another person who I can look up to. I need people like Kuya Sur in my walk to keep me focused, motivated and not lose vision. I wanted to share my story to him in good time.
I've shared to him my concerns of revealing my calling to people who knew me before. I am quite confident of being discovered walking through the pastoral path. I expect some will not understand, but others will. It's in this point in our lives we make identity for ourselves, make unpopular choices which are unnecessarily right or wrong, because in the end it's one man for himself.
How does the prosperous walk in faith? My previous notion of walking in faith is to be deprived of financial stability, putting your faith in God to take care of you. But I realized this is a narrow-minded concept of self-pity and depravation, unless it is a true calling of God. So tell me, how does the prosperous walk in faith? It doesn't always have to deal with financial or material poverty.. Does walking in faith mean sacrificing? Can relationships be sacrificed? Personal achievements and fame? I still have to discover the answer to this question.
How do I express my obedience to God's after his calling? I delayed my enrollment in bible school, which was my immediate way of expressing obedience. I feel these are the things God asks me to do: Pursue pastoring to the young people and the campus, and do missions.
Now I have really talked a lot haven't I? As the saying goes, "Silent waters run deep." Regardless if people think I am boring, I learned to appreciate myself.
Just random thoughts...
Just finished watching "Big Fish" by Tim Burton. Nice movie. There was one scene where the twins Ping and Jing are introduced, before that was a ventriloquist and I learned that the language spoken by the ventriloquist was Tagalog.
This afternoon I was in the children's choir rehearsal. I really sucked playing the piano. I thought why did I gave in to the persuasion of my friend's mom to play. These singers are so good. I want this to get over with. That will be on Thursday.
Tomorrow's our annual youth banquet. It is done during the opening of classes. Hope there are lots of kids in there. Haven't looked yet at the expenses list which I am scared to look into. We decorated the hall with fiesta banderitas like the last year.
I'll be going to Banaue, Ifugao next Sunday.
This afternoon I was in the children's choir rehearsal. I really sucked playing the piano. I thought why did I gave in to the persuasion of my friend's mom to play. These singers are so good. I want this to get over with. That will be on Thursday.
Tomorrow's our annual youth banquet. It is done during the opening of classes. Hope there are lots of kids in there. Haven't looked yet at the expenses list which I am scared to look into. We decorated the hall with fiesta banderitas like the last year.
I'll be going to Banaue, Ifugao next Sunday.
This afternoon I went to Makati to check out ASCM (Asian Semianry of Christian Ministry).. When I went into the office, it became real to me that I will be going into bible school. That sent me the chills. As I was talking to Bang (I don't know what she does, but she was the one briefing me about the school and courses), I snapped to reality. This is no emotional surge to pursue pastoring. I told her I would enroll on October, since it was too late to enroll now. Also that would give me more time to think it through, give me a year to think about it.
Now I'm planning to take up Mandarin lessons. My Mandarin sucks. And I need to learn it to relate to the Filipino-Chinese folks in the campus.
Now I'm planning to take up Mandarin lessons. My Mandarin sucks. And I need to learn it to relate to the Filipino-Chinese folks in the campus.
Yesterday I went to Chiang Kai Shek Highschool. I was invited to play for the Chiang Kai Shek Children's Choir. Funny they call it a children's choir when their members are mostly highschool students. I will be playing two Filipino classic songs with them for an independence day presentation in Manila Hotel.
Knowing I would be able to get inside the school. I brought Brznf and Lawrence along to do prayerwalking inside the school. I pray that God will open doors for us to reach out to the students of this campus. All in good time.
Later I should be going to Asian Seminary for Christian Ministry in Makati to check out their offered courses, but it is till raining and windy. Want to lie down and cuddle in bed..
Knowing I would be able to get inside the school. I brought Brznf and Lawrence along to do prayerwalking inside the school. I pray that God will open doors for us to reach out to the students of this campus. All in good time.
Later I should be going to Asian Seminary for Christian Ministry in Makati to check out their offered courses, but it is till raining and windy. Want to lie down and cuddle in bed..
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