Just came home two hours ago from our church's Christmas party. Great fellowship and food time. Just that an unanticipated number of Christmas games were played because there were more than one game master, one was me, and another one who led something like Eat Bulaga's Itaktak Mo game gone wrong :) So we finished around 11PM already. Got home around 12, because I had to meet a client before the Christmas vacation.
I realized that exchange gifts has lost its essence in the context of large groups and small amounts. I handed about a number of mugs, picture frames and towels, obviously shaped under a Christmas wrapper. It's like what's the point if you participate in an exchange gift then you give away what you received, I don't understand that. I wasn't able to participate in the exchange gift because didn't have time to buy today because of preparations.
Youth camp is less than a week from now. It's what has been demanding my attention nowadays. Last week I was like ruffled because of sudden disruptions in plans after what seemed to be a smooth-sailing preparation. But indeed God is faithful and good, this week one by one every concern is being solved and everything's falling to place. It's really amazing, knowing that there's no other explanation how it happened except that God is very involved. Praying and expecting great and marvelous things for the camp. To date pre-registration has been hitting around 90-100 youths. Very, very excited.
This year's Christmas season is a bit different for me. Somehow I wasn't able to soak in it. It was a promising foresight months ago, but now that it's here I feel needing more of the Christmas spirit. I don't mean losing sight of the true meaning of Christmas which is the birth of Jesus Christ and that sense of gratitude. But I'm looking for that MAGIC that as if year by year eludes me as I grow older. I miss that. Perhaps because my attention is in the camp. Perhaps it's the climate, it's quite sunny during the day and warm in the evening, unlike earlier this December. But still there's more to celebrate, somehow I realize it's no different day than others, thanking and in silent awe and gratitude of the blessings of family and loved ones in my life, of grace abounding.
Listening to Jars of Clay's 2007 Christmas album "Christmas Songs" worth listening to. I like their music especially those of nostalgic and folk. Also can't get enough of listening to the Relevant Podcast, the guys there are really, really funny. I'm addicted to podcasts now. I also got myself a one year subscription of Relevant Magazine.
3 more days to Christmas. Merry Christmas to all!
The Mind of the Melancholeric Man: Musings on Life and Ministry by Patrick Tan
Psalm 77
Thanks for preparing me beforehand.
1 I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.
3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
Selah
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
7 "Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"
Selah
10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.
13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
Selah
1 I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.
3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
Selah
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
7 "Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"
Selah
10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.
13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
Selah
My Father
My father is one of the most significant persons that shaped me for who I am today. Though significant doesn't necessarily mean in a positive way. My father is not perfect, just as all earthly fathers are. I feel regret when I think of our relationship. I wish it had been better. I hope I can paint him as objective as possible.
I grew up in a middle-class family. My parents were young then, hopeful and adventurous. My father was a great business man. We used to own a printing press in Manila. Among our extended families on both sides, my family was the most well-off. It was my mother's dream, I believe everything was because of my dad. He is a very hard-working man. And he didn't fail to give us what we need. I remember me and my brother celebrating our childhood birthdays with a party every time. We would go up every summer to Baguio, together with extended families at the expense of my father. But he wasn't all extravagant. In fact he was known for his tight-fistedness when it comes to money. He despised the lazy and the dependent. Perhaps this was because he grew up fatherless. His father died during his teen years. He learned the hard life while still young.
Until highschool I went to a Filipino-Chinese school, surrounded by classmates more well-off than me. Somehow I grew envious of them. Because they had mansion-like houses, multiple cars, multiple shoes, had the latest toys. They would go abroad with their families. Somehow I wished I hadn't been exposed to those so I won't envy and look for things that our family does not have. Come to think of it, if I grew up without those, I would be content. And yet because of this I grew unimpressed of my hard-working father. My parents got saved in 1990. And since then up until today, I felt that he had lost the enjoyment of life. He ceased to enjoy his hard-work at the expense of his family. At the expense of my mother. We don't go to trips anymore, we don't eat out as much. But still he was a hard-worker.
My father is a very patient man. He rarely loose his temper. Among my parents, my mom was the more nagging one; my father always kept his mouth close. Just don't push him too much. I remember a time in my highschool when I used to be a rebellious child. I answer back, I murmur. But I didn't anticipate what happened one day. It was morning and we were preparing to go to school. I forgot what he was scolding about me that time. I murmured and suddenly like an unexpected earthquake, he drags me from inside the car, out in the street. It was the morning rush so cars and jeepneys were in a halt. And in the view of everybody, I was beaten by my father mercilessly. That's when for the first time I learned my lesson. It was days that we didn't talk until one day everything went back to normal. But somehow that experience contributed to how I feel about my dad.
It was a dream come true when got into the College of Architecture in University of Santo Tomas. I had a very promising career. I knew he believed in me, he was proud of me. It was during this season that his mother got sick. Today I learned that it was because of my grandmother's medical bills that our printing business went crashing down. I remember the season when they would borrow money, run away from the landlord, and eventually giving the whole printing press as payment to the people he owed. I believe it was a devastating blow on him.
Then it was time that I graduated. That time I'm struggling between pursuing ministry or a professional career as an architect. During that summer my call was confirmed. And by 2nd semester I enrolled myself to ASCM. I was a very idealistic, passionate man, full of hope. I was driven. Yet I failed to get the blessing of my parents. I skipped it, somehow I assumed that they would support me whatever road I chose. But that was not the case. My father hated the fact that I didn't pursue my career. It was understandable I think because after all the hard-work of taking your eldest son through college. All has gone to waste. I remember my mom telling me she prayed that I will be called into the ministry. And during the early years of my post-college life, our relationship (my father) grew even colder. He was a frustrated man. I was torn between my family and my calling.
I remember one Sunday morning we were on our way to church. He was so frustrated at me that he didn't want to drive to church (which he usually does), so I drive instead. The trip to the church was an ordeal, because my father kept on airing his frustrations about me foolishly running after a ministry. I felt really, really bad. My dignity trampled upon. And even I was a grown man, such hurtful words I heard that day, in the presence of my mother and brother, really devasted me as a person. We arrived at church, I was playing for worship, he was so disturbed in his spirit that he left church even before the service had started. Later in the week he apologized to each other through text and somehow the issue calmed down for a while. There were many more instances like these but this one was the worst of all.
Today, he works as an employee, supervisor, at his aunt's printing press. He is still a hard-working man at his mid-50s. He has lost his passion, his dream. I believe he doesn't have even a vision for our family anymore. He just works and works. He leaves early in the morning, goes home at five-thirty, takes an early dinner, and most of the time sleeps early. He hardly celebrates victories and remembrances. He is a tired man. He still reminds us brothers about not spending too much time in ministry at the expense of family. He never reprimands us directly, somehow it would be painful for him to bring upon sadness to his children. I feel sad for my mother. I wished they're relationship would be more romantic. He has taken the backseat. I wish that he would take that leadership role in the family. I longed for my father to lead our family.
I feel robbed when I think of how I didn't get a chance to bring my relationship with my father to full maturity. He was a hard-working man, but where has it taken him? Nevertheless, until today I longed for his approval and his acceptance. He hasn't express his affection to us verbally, sometimes through occasional cards and text messages. But every time I cry to myself when I wonder if I am making my parents proud; if I am making my father proud. The approval I so desired before all men was my father's.
But I have still a lot of things to be thankful for. He might not have influenced us toward business. But he gave to me and my brother the passion for art. My father taught us to play guitar which sparked our artistic inclinations. My father is a jack of all trades. He is good at fixing things. It's as if he knew how to fix everything. He also taught me how to drive. Even though our relationship is not perfect, somehow I will be grieved when he leaves, after all he is the only dad I will ever have. I remember one time that I dreamed of his death, it was more like a nightmare. They heard me screaming and wailing loudly in my sleep. I woke up to my dad slapping me. And waking up to my father, I cried even louder, held him tight and didn't let him go. Somehow I realized, I love my father.
I have worries for the future. I'm worried about how will I become a good father to my children someday growing up with my father. Even now I discover things and habits he does which I don't like, now I do involuntarily. I fear that I myself will become my father.
Web 2.0 and Prince Caspian
Day 7 of cough marathon. Somehow the sneezing has stopped. Flu and Flem aren't ready to say goodbye.
+
Just stayed at home today. Work day. Finally after days of wringing ideas for a new website project I've already produced one. It's my first attempt of intentially designing a Web 2.0 friendly design. Web 2.0 is an emerging trend (or has it become mainstream already) on the Internet. Design-wise it's characterized (I think) by bright colors, blog-like layout, wide spacing between texts, generous use of bevels, shadows and reflections, use of graphic art and user-interaction friendly. I never quite got the hang of it at first. But I'm starting to like it.
Several examples are found here: http://tutorialblog.org/wide-web-20-style/
+
Finished reading Prince Caspian today. I was surprised that I was able to finish it that quick. And surprised even that the plot was shorter than I had expected. It's a good read, but The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is still the best for me among the two. I think I'll proceed with reading the others. I learned from Wikipedia that LWW and Prince Caspian are the 1st and 2nd of the series in order of publication but 2nd and 4th respectively in order of chronology. But one doesn't need a lot of refresher reading Prince Caspian because it picks up a year after the Pevensies left Narnia. Somehow I'm intrigued of what will be the outcome of the movie. I read that they have to add some plots and story arcs for this movie to make it more exciting. I hope they'll bring the rest of the books to the big screen just like Harry Potter.
And again, looking for another book to read.
+
Just stayed at home today. Work day. Finally after days of wringing ideas for a new website project I've already produced one. It's my first attempt of intentially designing a Web 2.0 friendly design. Web 2.0 is an emerging trend (or has it become mainstream already) on the Internet. Design-wise it's characterized (I think) by bright colors, blog-like layout, wide spacing between texts, generous use of bevels, shadows and reflections, use of graphic art and user-interaction friendly. I never quite got the hang of it at first. But I'm starting to like it.
Several examples are found here: http://tutorialblog.org/wide-web-20-style/
+
Finished reading Prince Caspian today. I was surprised that I was able to finish it that quick. And surprised even that the plot was shorter than I had expected. It's a good read, but The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is still the best for me among the two. I think I'll proceed with reading the others. I learned from Wikipedia that LWW and Prince Caspian are the 1st and 2nd of the series in order of publication but 2nd and 4th respectively in order of chronology. But one doesn't need a lot of refresher reading Prince Caspian because it picks up a year after the Pevensies left Narnia. Somehow I'm intrigued of what will be the outcome of the movie. I read that they have to add some plots and story arcs for this movie to make it more exciting. I hope they'll bring the rest of the books to the big screen just like Harry Potter.
And again, looking for another book to read.
Visit to the Doctor
Today was my last class for 2007 and I missed it. I was too late because of a home project. I felt too embarassed to show up and our professor has this gimmick of giving late students crazy consequences. Today was also my time to visit the doctor because of my sinusitis. So I decided to go early to the doctor. But first I detoured in Greenbelt to walk around. I went to Powerbooks to get Prince Caspian. It's showing summer of 2008. After an hour and a half I drove to Manila to meet my mom who was already in the clinic. It's been months since I saw my doctor and he has really blown up. He did confirm my ailment as sinusitis because I was experiencing headache when I cough. He also checked my eyes to see what's wrong. For months now my eyes get irritated once in a while and I can't help but scratch it. He said it my eyes were strained due to too much reading and computer. After the check up he prescribed four medicines for my sinusitis and my eyes.
After check up it was bonding time with my mom. We walked around Masangkay Street which was by the way changed in some ways. Masangkay is one of the main streets where I grew up as a high school student in Chiang Kai Shek College. A couple of new building constructions. One thing I noticed was the evolution of street food in the area. Before it was the common hamburger and hotdog stands, fishballs and junkfood. But now there are a number of stir fry stands which is tickling my curiosity. Street cuisine has become a bit sophisticated. Then there's Shakey's Pizza opened in the recent months (or years?) and it's a major flop. Outsiders usually think the common Fil-Chi will spend his regular day fine dining. That's why a number of restos in Binondo are short-lived or hardly anyone's eating except weekends. They forgot we are kuripot ... or thrifty. Anyway, we went to the drugstore to get my prescribed medicines. Bought some fruits and snacks on the way home.
After check up it was bonding time with my mom. We walked around Masangkay Street which was by the way changed in some ways. Masangkay is one of the main streets where I grew up as a high school student in Chiang Kai Shek College. A couple of new building constructions. One thing I noticed was the evolution of street food in the area. Before it was the common hamburger and hotdog stands, fishballs and junkfood. But now there are a number of stir fry stands which is tickling my curiosity. Street cuisine has become a bit sophisticated. Then there's Shakey's Pizza opened in the recent months (or years?) and it's a major flop. Outsiders usually think the common Fil-Chi will spend his regular day fine dining. That's why a number of restos in Binondo are short-lived or hardly anyone's eating except weekends. They forgot we are kuripot ... or thrifty. Anyway, we went to the drugstore to get my prescribed medicines. Bought some fruits and snacks on the way home.
Lakewood: Sing Over Me
Been raving about this song lately. Will be singing it in church this weekend.
SING OVER ME | Israel Houghton | chords
Once again, I'm drawing near to worship as You're drawing me
Once again, You lift my head and lift my heart to heights unseen
In a moment I am in Your presence, everything is clear
As I hear heaven's melody
[+] (As You begin to) Sing over me songs of deliverance
Lord, cover me with Your mighty hand
Sing over me, God of the second chance
Sing over me once again
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)
SING OVER ME | Israel Houghton | chords
Once again, I'm drawing near to worship as You're drawing me
Once again, You lift my head and lift my heart to heights unseen
In a moment I am in Your presence, everything is clear
As I hear heaven's melody
[+] (As You begin to) Sing over me songs of deliverance
Lord, cover me with Your mighty hand
Sing over me, God of the second chance
Sing over me once again
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)
Today at Counseling
It's quite an interesting class earlier. I've been learning a lot in Counseling class. I told the class earlier how as I go through the subject I realize my mistakes when I do counseling before.
I don't really call in counseling when I minister to young people by listening to them and their problems though I'm more aware now that indeed that is counseling. But sometimes I get overwhelmed when the problems are unveiled on you. Perhaps the most difficult case I've handled was dealing with suicide and pregnancy issues among some of the youth I've worked with. It's true what Ma'am Zonia Tappeiner said about feeling inadequate and inexperienced over what to do about the problem. But she adds a Spirit-filled, Christ-centered counseling makes great leaps towards the healing of the person. This is indeed true.
I also realize the effectiveness of small group counseling and the probability that I will be applying it in my ministry as a leader in our church.
+
The later half of counseling session has been quite interesting. We again huddled for small groups and this time the focus was on a classmate's issue about her lack of control over the volume of her voice. She realizes it's causing negative feedbacks with some people in her sphere but she feels bending to their preferences means compromise on her real personality.
Somehow I could relate to her reluctance to "compromise" her true self on people. I had the same struggle growing up in ministry. I'm a shy, quiet person and had a great deal of struggle coming out of my shell. It's a blessing that I had a Psychology student friend who helped me through the ordeal. But later I've realized that it was for my own betterment that I explored the hidden qualities about myself rather than staying in my little world. I need to tell myself that it's not always about me and about me feeling comfortable and unthreatened. We need to relate with people and sometimes it requires both of us meeting halfway in order to relate to one another. Paul says to "consider others better than yourselves" (Phil 2:3) which is a helpful reminder for me that it's not always about me.
Since the first day of class I've already noticed her loudness. Now there are people whose loudness are infectious and lits up a room. But there are people whose loudness go against them. I saw her as the latter. I've grown to become mellow, and being a thinker than a talker, I've come to be ruffled with too much noise especially when I'm concentrating. I admit that I've become subjective over her personality. Such is so with shallow acquaintances with people. And it is not good.
Doing the small group somehow unnerved me in relating to her. I've shared and realized for myself that everything boils down to relationship. Everyone of us have our own kinks that may ruffle someone's feathers. Without relationship it's easy to just express "what you really think" and readily throw that shallow relationship in the garbage. But I've realized that with relationship you grow more patient and more understanding with people. Your wall of stereotype over the person breaks down and realize that he/she is human like you and not just the person you see in face value. With relationship the issue deviates from who is right and who is wrong to the value of friendship. The realization of this has worked for me when relating to people. Somehow I keep myself from putting judgments over people and trying to know them, their story and how they're feeling. And I believe it is a good thing to do.
+
Paulo Coelho shares in his book "Like the Flowing River" a story told Shimon Perez over the World Economic Forum at Davos:
Beautiful.
I don't really call in counseling when I minister to young people by listening to them and their problems though I'm more aware now that indeed that is counseling. But sometimes I get overwhelmed when the problems are unveiled on you. Perhaps the most difficult case I've handled was dealing with suicide and pregnancy issues among some of the youth I've worked with. It's true what Ma'am Zonia Tappeiner said about feeling inadequate and inexperienced over what to do about the problem. But she adds a Spirit-filled, Christ-centered counseling makes great leaps towards the healing of the person. This is indeed true.
I also realize the effectiveness of small group counseling and the probability that I will be applying it in my ministry as a leader in our church.
+
The later half of counseling session has been quite interesting. We again huddled for small groups and this time the focus was on a classmate's issue about her lack of control over the volume of her voice. She realizes it's causing negative feedbacks with some people in her sphere but she feels bending to their preferences means compromise on her real personality.
Somehow I could relate to her reluctance to "compromise" her true self on people. I had the same struggle growing up in ministry. I'm a shy, quiet person and had a great deal of struggle coming out of my shell. It's a blessing that I had a Psychology student friend who helped me through the ordeal. But later I've realized that it was for my own betterment that I explored the hidden qualities about myself rather than staying in my little world. I need to tell myself that it's not always about me and about me feeling comfortable and unthreatened. We need to relate with people and sometimes it requires both of us meeting halfway in order to relate to one another. Paul says to "consider others better than yourselves" (Phil 2:3) which is a helpful reminder for me that it's not always about me.
Since the first day of class I've already noticed her loudness. Now there are people whose loudness are infectious and lits up a room. But there are people whose loudness go against them. I saw her as the latter. I've grown to become mellow, and being a thinker than a talker, I've come to be ruffled with too much noise especially when I'm concentrating. I admit that I've become subjective over her personality. Such is so with shallow acquaintances with people. And it is not good.
Doing the small group somehow unnerved me in relating to her. I've shared and realized for myself that everything boils down to relationship. Everyone of us have our own kinks that may ruffle someone's feathers. Without relationship it's easy to just express "what you really think" and readily throw that shallow relationship in the garbage. But I've realized that with relationship you grow more patient and more understanding with people. Your wall of stereotype over the person breaks down and realize that he/she is human like you and not just the person you see in face value. With relationship the issue deviates from who is right and who is wrong to the value of friendship. The realization of this has worked for me when relating to people. Somehow I keep myself from putting judgments over people and trying to know them, their story and how they're feeling. And I believe it is a good thing to do.
+
Paulo Coelho shares in his book "Like the Flowing River" a story told Shimon Perez over the World Economic Forum at Davos:
A Rabbi gathered together his students and asked them:
'How do we know that exact moment when night ends and day begins?'
'When it's light enough to tell a sheep from a dog,' said one boy.
Another student said: 'No, when it's light enough to tell an olive tree from a fig tree.'
'No, that's not a good definition either.'
'Well, what's the right answer?' asked the boys.
And the Rabbi said:
'When a stranger approaches, and we think he is our brother, and all conflicts disappear, that is the moment when night ends and day begins.'
Beautiful.
Day in the Life: I'm a walking virus right now.
It's almost 3AM. It's quite chilly inside my room. I'm wearing a jacket. I got up so I took some lukewarm water downstairs. It's been almost 5 days now since I got this trail of virus on me. We figured I got this from staying home the first two days. I got the allergy from dog's hair from our neighbor. By Saturday and Sunday I got sore throat and colds. Now the sore throat's gone but I still have colds and dry cough that it's really painful to cough. Later after class I'm already going to see the doctor.
I didn't realize school's wrapping up for Christmas vacation. It's as though classes just started a few weeks ago and now school's gonna be out for Christmas. Haven't been feeling the pressure of school yet. I'm currently more focused on doing projects which is great, and rendering final touches to our upcoming sectional youth camp.
Please do pray for me, my work and my ministry. Back to sleep.
I didn't realize school's wrapping up for Christmas vacation. It's as though classes just started a few weeks ago and now school's gonna be out for Christmas. Haven't been feeling the pressure of school yet. I'm currently more focused on doing projects which is great, and rendering final touches to our upcoming sectional youth camp.
Please do pray for me, my work and my ministry. Back to sleep.
Discontent
I was able to catch CNN Hero Awards on TV today. They honored Christopher Reeve with the Heroes' Hero award for his efforts to battle paralysis and help others going through the same experience as him. The award was received by their foundation's CEO and their two children. He's gone but his legacy lingers. Also his late wife Dana has to be admired also for walking alongside him. For some time now this has been speaking to me and it has spoken again. It will draw me sometime in the future. I can't really fully describe it. But let me explain it to the best of my ability.
For sometime now I've been drawn by the lives of people who go to the hurting and the lost--on the field. Sectarian or non-sectarian alike, I longed for that kind of involvement where the rubber meets the road. And I feel the church has barely touched that. We sit in the comforts of our sanctuaries, teaching and preaching, encouraging and reprimanding. We teach the principles of the Full Life Jesus commanded us. But yet I'm growing restless and discontent that we are gaining more intellectual wealth and rarely spend it in reaching the poor and the hurting. Don't misunderstand, the Gospel is the Gospel, they need Jesus and they need salvation. But I feel that I am not helping in bringing the essence of Full Life to others.
Full Life is the inspiration I've drawn to pursue in my life and for others. This is how I want to live my life and share it with others too. Jesus said, "I've come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Life is not all about spiritual discipline and victory. It's living the full life in all aspects of our lives. Chuck Quinley shares that there are eight areas of life we are living: Spiritual, family, career/studies, ministry, social, financial, health and personal life. And indeed I've realized that Jesus desires that every aspect of our life are to be fruitful, BALANCED and victorious--Christ-centered. Today I exist in an environment mediocre of such pursuit. I like what the announcer keeps on saying at the end of every Joyce Meyer podcast, "Remember, God desires that you truly start enjoying everyday life." Life is more that doctrine and keeping in with the rules that you miss enjoying it. Life should not be bound and limited by denominational lines and things-to-do checklists. Life is experiencing joy and victory in Jesus. This is the kind of life I want.
A friend lovingly reminded me early in the ministry not to settle for a powerless ministry life confined in the four-corners of tradition, legalism and routine. I thought I will never come to that. Yet today I feel I'm in one now.
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor" (Luke 4:18-19). From the very words of the Master, he went and moved into our world to bring true transformation. From man's low condition he brought hope and true change. I began to question my work. Am I bringing true transformation in the lives I've touched? In the lives of the youth and the student's I've tried to minister to? Or did I just handed them an instant-candy-coated-Jesus that later they will take for granted and will deepen their cynicism about the true Giver of Life?
I admire the one who runs their church's orphanage, bringing a gleam of hope to scores of homeless and abandoned children. I admire the one who runs a feeding progam to the homeless so that they will refrain from sniffing the deceitful rubber adhesive just to feel full. I admire the one who helps young women find a decent living so they won't make their living on prostitution. It's more than emotionalism, even more than passion, it's commitment and calling. I don't want to be a hero. I want to be a USEFUL instrument. Lord, stir me towards Your heart ...
For sometime now I've been drawn by the lives of people who go to the hurting and the lost--on the field. Sectarian or non-sectarian alike, I longed for that kind of involvement where the rubber meets the road. And I feel the church has barely touched that. We sit in the comforts of our sanctuaries, teaching and preaching, encouraging and reprimanding. We teach the principles of the Full Life Jesus commanded us. But yet I'm growing restless and discontent that we are gaining more intellectual wealth and rarely spend it in reaching the poor and the hurting. Don't misunderstand, the Gospel is the Gospel, they need Jesus and they need salvation. But I feel that I am not helping in bringing the essence of Full Life to others.
Full Life is the inspiration I've drawn to pursue in my life and for others. This is how I want to live my life and share it with others too. Jesus said, "I've come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Life is not all about spiritual discipline and victory. It's living the full life in all aspects of our lives. Chuck Quinley shares that there are eight areas of life we are living: Spiritual, family, career/studies, ministry, social, financial, health and personal life. And indeed I've realized that Jesus desires that every aspect of our life are to be fruitful, BALANCED and victorious--Christ-centered. Today I exist in an environment mediocre of such pursuit. I like what the announcer keeps on saying at the end of every Joyce Meyer podcast, "Remember, God desires that you truly start enjoying everyday life." Life is more that doctrine and keeping in with the rules that you miss enjoying it. Life should not be bound and limited by denominational lines and things-to-do checklists. Life is experiencing joy and victory in Jesus. This is the kind of life I want.
A friend lovingly reminded me early in the ministry not to settle for a powerless ministry life confined in the four-corners of tradition, legalism and routine. I thought I will never come to that. Yet today I feel I'm in one now.
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor" (Luke 4:18-19). From the very words of the Master, he went and moved into our world to bring true transformation. From man's low condition he brought hope and true change. I began to question my work. Am I bringing true transformation in the lives I've touched? In the lives of the youth and the student's I've tried to minister to? Or did I just handed them an instant-candy-coated-Jesus that later they will take for granted and will deepen their cynicism about the true Giver of Life?
I admire the one who runs their church's orphanage, bringing a gleam of hope to scores of homeless and abandoned children. I admire the one who runs a feeding progam to the homeless so that they will refrain from sniffing the deceitful rubber adhesive just to feel full. I admire the one who helps young women find a decent living so they won't make their living on prostitution. It's more than emotionalism, even more than passion, it's commitment and calling. I don't want to be a hero. I want to be a USEFUL instrument. Lord, stir me towards Your heart ...
Wringing Myself of Ideas
Yesterday was the bummest day. Sitting in front of the computer, getting up once in a while, thinking of an idea for a project. It's frustrating sometimes that I try to wring myself of ideas for my designs and nothing comes out. I don't want to settle for mediocre design. I want something well thought of. Slept early so I could start again today.
Project 2010
For sometime now I’m driven to set for myself goals for year 2010. I believe that 2010 will be a NEW ERA of life and ministry for me. This is what’s impressed in my heart. So before the year turns anew I’ve set for myself goals I want to achieve in two years time:
- Finish my masters course in ASCM
- Get married
- Raise 20 healthy Carecells under my leadership
- Pass the torch of Section 2 Youth
- New ministry direction
Day in the Life
(Original post: Yesterday)
Very long day today. Woke up today at around 8AM. Today is my campus ministry day. But I didn’t feel like going to the campus today. I am a bit discouraged about the low turnout in our ministry at CCM. Nevertheless I still went, late by an hour. I found our company by the upper staircase at the back of the school. Annie’s discipling Millie, her classmate and a new Christian. She began attending our Saturday Carecells and Sunday service last week which was great because I think it’s a big step for her to becoming committed to Jesus. Netty’s also doing one-on-one with a student she was able to share faith with last week. Me, I had nothing to do. I was able to find the guys I’ve made friends with last week, but this time they were cold towards me, like “we’re not close”. I don’t wanna appear clingy so I thought “OK fine” and moved on. There are still more students to talk to. But inside me I’m growing frustrated about my work in CCM. Perhaps “discontented” would be a better word. But anyway, by lunchtime, Netty and I went to see Ate Merla at the staff house for lunch.
We dropped by SM Manila to buy pasalubong for Ate Merla & Joan. She invited us to lunch there. We arrived there around 12:30. After lunch I began to feel sleepy (which have been recently happening to me when I finish a meal), so I borrowed a sleeping mat and dozed off by the living area floor while Netty, Ate Merla and Joan chatted the whole afternoon. I woke up at around 4:30 in time for Ate Merla and Joan to go to their campus meeting in Morayta. We parted at Morayta and Netty and I went to Tutuban to pick up the tarpauline we had printed for our December camp. After that we weaved through the crowd in Divisoria to take a jeepney to Malate to have the camp IDs printed. After leaving the printing job for later pick-up we went to Robinson’s Manila for dinner. Both of us were craving for Jolibee Chickenjoy since the night before, so to Jolibee we went. After dinner I accompanied her to the FX station and bid our goodbye. Though it was a tiring day. It was a day well spent because I was with Netty.
Very long day today. Woke up today at around 8AM. Today is my campus ministry day. But I didn’t feel like going to the campus today. I am a bit discouraged about the low turnout in our ministry at CCM. Nevertheless I still went, late by an hour. I found our company by the upper staircase at the back of the school. Annie’s discipling Millie, her classmate and a new Christian. She began attending our Saturday Carecells and Sunday service last week which was great because I think it’s a big step for her to becoming committed to Jesus. Netty’s also doing one-on-one with a student she was able to share faith with last week. Me, I had nothing to do. I was able to find the guys I’ve made friends with last week, but this time they were cold towards me, like “we’re not close”. I don’t wanna appear clingy so I thought “OK fine” and moved on. There are still more students to talk to. But inside me I’m growing frustrated about my work in CCM. Perhaps “discontented” would be a better word. But anyway, by lunchtime, Netty and I went to see Ate Merla at the staff house for lunch.
We dropped by SM Manila to buy pasalubong for Ate Merla & Joan. She invited us to lunch there. We arrived there around 12:30. After lunch I began to feel sleepy (which have been recently happening to me when I finish a meal), so I borrowed a sleeping mat and dozed off by the living area floor while Netty, Ate Merla and Joan chatted the whole afternoon. I woke up at around 4:30 in time for Ate Merla and Joan to go to their campus meeting in Morayta. We parted at Morayta and Netty and I went to Tutuban to pick up the tarpauline we had printed for our December camp. After that we weaved through the crowd in Divisoria to take a jeepney to Malate to have the camp IDs printed. After leaving the printing job for later pick-up we went to Robinson’s Manila for dinner. Both of us were craving for Jolibee Chickenjoy since the night before, so to Jolibee we went. After dinner I accompanied her to the FX station and bid our goodbye. Though it was a tiring day. It was a day well spent because I was with Netty.
Pilot: I'm Moving Back
I’m moving from Multiply. I feel the world’s getting smaller and smaller over there. I need a place to express myself, speak my mind and reflect. That’s why I’m moving here. I named this blog “New Every Morning” (Melancholeric 3.0) because I want it to be hopeful and positive, though I can’t promise every post will be that. Just something to remind me to look at the good side of things. “New Every Morning” because who I am and where I am is all because of His pro-active, initiating grace.
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