I don't really call in counseling when I minister to young people by listening to them and their problems though I'm more aware now that indeed that is counseling. But sometimes I get overwhelmed when the problems are unveiled on you. Perhaps the most difficult case I've handled was dealing with suicide and pregnancy issues among some of the youth I've worked with. It's true what Ma'am Zonia Tappeiner said about feeling inadequate and inexperienced over what to do about the problem. But she adds a Spirit-filled, Christ-centered counseling makes great leaps towards the healing of the person. This is indeed true.
I also realize the effectiveness of small group counseling and the probability that I will be applying it in my ministry as a leader in our church.
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The later half of counseling session has been quite interesting. We again huddled for small groups and this time the focus was on a classmate's issue about her lack of control over the volume of her voice. She realizes it's causing negative feedbacks with some people in her sphere but she feels bending to their preferences means compromise on her real personality.
Somehow I could relate to her reluctance to "compromise" her true self on people. I had the same struggle growing up in ministry. I'm a shy, quiet person and had a great deal of struggle coming out of my shell. It's a blessing that I had a Psychology student friend who helped me through the ordeal. But later I've realized that it was for my own betterment that I explored the hidden qualities about myself rather than staying in my little world. I need to tell myself that it's not always about me and about me feeling comfortable and unthreatened. We need to relate with people and sometimes it requires both of us meeting halfway in order to relate to one another. Paul says to "consider others better than yourselves" (Phil 2:3) which is a helpful reminder for me that it's not always about me.
Since the first day of class I've already noticed her loudness. Now there are people whose loudness are infectious and lits up a room. But there are people whose loudness go against them. I saw her as the latter. I've grown to become mellow, and being a thinker than a talker, I've come to be ruffled with too much noise especially when I'm concentrating. I admit that I've become subjective over her personality. Such is so with shallow acquaintances with people. And it is not good.
Doing the small group somehow unnerved me in relating to her. I've shared and realized for myself that everything boils down to relationship. Everyone of us have our own kinks that may ruffle someone's feathers. Without relationship it's easy to just express "what you really think" and readily throw that shallow relationship in the garbage. But I've realized that with relationship you grow more patient and more understanding with people. Your wall of stereotype over the person breaks down and realize that he/she is human like you and not just the person you see in face value. With relationship the issue deviates from who is right and who is wrong to the value of friendship. The realization of this has worked for me when relating to people. Somehow I keep myself from putting judgments over people and trying to know them, their story and how they're feeling. And I believe it is a good thing to do.
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Paulo Coelho shares in his book "Like the Flowing River" a story told Shimon Perez over the World Economic Forum at Davos:
A Rabbi gathered together his students and asked them:
'How do we know that exact moment when night ends and day begins?'
'When it's light enough to tell a sheep from a dog,' said one boy.
Another student said: 'No, when it's light enough to tell an olive tree from a fig tree.'
'No, that's not a good definition either.'
'Well, what's the right answer?' asked the boys.
And the Rabbi said:
'When a stranger approaches, and we think he is our brother, and all conflicts disappear, that is the moment when night ends and day begins.'
Beautiful.
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