Patrick Tan

Still awake. Though I would stay awake later than th. Actually I just had 4 hours of sleep last night I think. I've been delayed in my work schedule right now. Because of too much procrastinating. I don't want to sleep because I have to work. But now I'm not working. I lack organization with my work right now. It seems I don't want to fix my act because I dread looking at my work piles straight in the eye. There are few more things I dread to look straight in the eye, like my self.

I just stayed at home today. After last week my class in Research became consultation time on our preferred schedules. Even tomorrow in Hermeneutics our time will be spent in the library just doing our research work. Sembreak is nearing. Retreat is nearing. Someone left an anonymous critical post for me in the youth blog. May God deal with her.

I have this invitation from my friend to go scuba diving in Batangas. He's proposing to his girlfriend on Friday... underwater. I wanted to go but I hesistate to leave my ministry. I haven't made a move to settle it. 'Cause today, in almost everything, I am becoming more undecided.

Life today is pointless. I don't have anything to say. It seems my world is slowly getting smaller and smaller. I need fresh air. I long for something I lost. My routine has become different just a month ago. What's happening to me? I am so alone right now. Now when I look at it, I have nobody to live my life with. I am invisible. It's perplexing to think that just six months ago I was in high spirit, and now I am back in the dumpster. I do not understand my self, therefore I am growing to hate my self.

I need to see God.