Today I had a better day. Things are looking up :D In our Missions class we had a speaker, Tita Nene, a Filipino missionary in Israel. She brought some props from Israel, this one, a thornbush, which its pointed thorns pierced the head of Jesus during his passion. She also showed us a fruit from a locust tree, which looks like sampaloc or tamarind (which John the Baptist feasted on with honey in the desert, all along I thought it was locust as in grasshopper). It was an uplifting experience hearing how God's Word is being fulfilled in Israel, signifying that His return is definitely near. What a marvelous day it would be.

Earlier I took my laptop to ASUS service center. I was very impressed with the service. For weeks now my DVD-RW can't read and write CD. I called them last week and they told me I had to have my original receit and warranty card, which I already lost. But nevertheless they asked me to bring it there for inspection, and I got a great favor. They replaced the hardware without receit and warranty card! They temporarily replaced it with a DVD-ROM/CD-RW and will replace it with a new DVD-RW in a few months as they still have to order it overseas.

Classes today were great. In Old Testament survey, hearing Ma'am Marcia tell and reflect on Bible stories is always a joy.

Hilarious Music Video Spoof

I've put this in my "When I'm Sad" bookmarks. Hilarious.

Go Team Philippines!

How does a parent feel when he is rejected by his children? After bringing them into the world, they were the source of his joy and wholeness. The fondness only a father and child can share. In this stage the father is their hero, and their protector. The father provides for his children, and see to it that every one has, no one left empty-handed. He even might have favorites, even though that he wouldn't admit. But then they reach adolescence, and children slowly drift away from him. This the father does not understand why. A relationship turned bland. No matter how he tries to bridge that former fondness it seems that the child wants none of it. Now he sits in the background alone, waiting. He wants to be angry lest he drive his children away even more. He could plead lest his pride turns on him. He is growing restless, utilizing every inch of strategy his mind can think of just to keep them by his side. He has grown weary, he wants to be a child himself so he could run to his Father and weep - bitterly. Oh what a tragedy when fathers are rejected by their children!

Take My Life and Let It Be

Text: Frances R. Havergal, 1836-1879
Music: Louis J.F. Herold; arr. by George Kingsley

Take my life and let it be consecrated to Thee.
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use every power as You choose.

Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is Thine own it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour at Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

I Am Thine, O Lord

I am Thine, O Lord, I have heard Thy voice,
And it told Thy love to me;
But I long to rise in the arms of faith
And be closer drawn to Thee.

Consecrate me now to Thy service, Lord,
By the power of grace divine;
Let my soul look up with a steadfast hope,
And my will be lost in Thine.

O the pure delight of a single hour
That before Thy throne I spend,
When I kneel in prayer, and with Thee, my God
I commune as friend with friend!

There are depths of love that I cannot know
Till I cross the narrow sea;
There are heights of joy that I may not reach
Till I rest in peace with Thee.

Draw me nearer, nearer blessed Lord,
To the cross where Thou hast died.
Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord,
To Thy precious, bleeding side.

I failed to blog about this this week. This week I experienced loneliness and downess in my life. I believed it stemed from losing time alone with God. I began to drift away. Now I see it so clear and obvious that it was that factor that changed my countenance. Hours turned to days making it harder and harder to commune with Him. Then the storms which I have endured and weathered before through Him came and knocked me down. The difference - His presence. Through the end of the week every worry, concern and enemy attacks piled up that I wanted burst this swelling emotion within me.

Thanks to such people who I can call friends more than church mates who gave me the permission (even if I'm their group leader) to vent out my problems as a human like them. Too often people tend to idolize their leaders too much but they don't see that they are still humans (living by grace). Prayer meeting after that was an uplifter too. After prayer meeting, still trying to get back in track, a person came and tried to argue with me about his New Age belief. I was so stressed out after talking to that person, then I was again in a low.

Morning came with a feeling of nothing much to be excited on. I came in skeptic and grumpy. But then I look around as I hit those keys, "nobody really pays attention to you, your deliberate distraction, because everyone's all eyes and ears to God." I realized my sort-of pity partying didn't pull off. Afternoon came and I visited a friend who is also a pastor. That was a breather, I was encouraged. I really needed that. We both prayed for each other, voiced our concerns in the ministry and life. I left partly charged up. Then I came home, anticipating on an activity tomorrow. We're supposed to do something together. But everyone's just not up for it. What a downer. I was fed up, I wanted to burst.

Even though I knew where I should come for counsel and comfort, it took me until tonight to come before Him. I wanted to cry and I did. I wanted to let Him feel what I feel. I am a wounded soldier. His words brought me comfort and empathy. His Word charged me up. It was His fellowship that I was longing for all along. I got my song back. I am free. God is really good! Praise God. His mercies endures forever.

Kevin and Me at church. I look really tired.

Demitri Martin Liners

“I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Especially if your teammates are bad guessers.”

"'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of - it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after "I love you" or "You're going to live."

"I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says "go outside."

"If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half."

"Another term for "balloon" is: bad breath holder."

Haven't blog for days. Very busy. Good and bad. Bad, I am losing time alone with God... Last Sunday I bought an Orange and Lemon CD "Strike the Iron Whilst It's Hot" I love their sound, fusion of 80's, 60's and acid... Wednesday, I learned that it was fasting day over at the office. Good thing I ate heavy breakfast before I came to office. Work is good. I enjoy it, I am unsure why, though unconciously it maybe I am experiencing a sense of being and significance as studies often say. For one, I like it because it kills time. I spend less money. I eat less, only during breaks (that means I eat a lot!) I don't have to talk too much. But driving to and from office I don't like specially in the area... Today, went to school, our professor today taught in video because he was somewhere in Ukraine this time... Before that I went to my friend's mom's office to deliver work and collect fees. And I was again probed for still not having a girlfriend, and my face just sank. Because I'm tired of making up reasons, in the end I said, "Perhaps it's not yet time, but I believe me I am getting impatient." Which became a long mind-conversation and destructive reflection with God... After school I met my family to visit my cousin who was a victim of a hostage crisis receiving multiple stab wounds... Saturday, we had carecell at Johann's place, and he cooked for us, he just finished his culinary certification for this culinary course in Singapore on January '06. And Chubby his Chow-chow already grew so big and cute (just don't smell him), he looks like a lion now.

What am I doing? I should be sleeping.

Next Big Thing #1: Demitri Martin

I'm not much of a stand-up comedy fan, but I saw this guy Demetri Martin in Conan O'Brien tonight he was hilarious. He shoots out these short-liners which really speaks to me. Like his style. Definitely a Next Big Thing.

Some of his funny observations, something like these:
- Swimming is a confusing sport. At one time you may be doing it for fun, at another you are trying to stay alive.
- No one really sends their regards in person.
- I saw a bookmark sold for a dollar, I used the dollar.

First day at work. They asked me to come by 11AM, cause the car of Kuya Raymond, our senior graphic artist, is color-coding today. I came at 10AM, he's already there too. I had a hard time looking for parking. Everyone in the office is asking me if I'm part of Book of Hope now, I didn't know how to answer that, because I'm working part-time. Kuya Rodel is the funny guy.

I really wanted to work in an office environment for a change, and it sure is a change. In the office you are able to focus on work, which at home you cannot do because there are a lot of distractions. So I had a productive afternoon. And since I have no sense of time in my previous work, it wasn't a deal for me to stay later than 5PM. But everyone is already leaving and no one will lock the office. So I was the second to the last person, who would lock the door, who left.

I had much more stress driving than working at the office. It was so traffic and I am new to the area. So I was so tense not to make a wrong turn or get lost. I came home with strained legs because of stepping between the gas and the breaks.

When I got home I received a news that my cousin, my aunt's daughter, became a victim of a hostage and got multiple stab wounds. There was this snatcher who was pursued by the police this morning and randomly pick a hostage to defend himself. Her lung was punctured. But she is safe now recovering in the hospital.

Heaven Knows (The Angel Has Flown)

Orange And Lemons

There are times when I’m lying in my bed | Hug my pillow and cry from this tip again | And my eyes are like windshields on a rainy day | Almost rubbed down, swelling, as I keep on | Dipping my face in these cold hands of mine | Heaven knows how bitter I am

[+] ‘Cause this angel has flown away from me | Leaving me in drunken misery | I should have clipped her wings and made her mine for all eternity | Now this angel has flown away from me | Thought I had the strength to set her free | Did what I did because I love her so | Will she ever find her way back home to me

I’m so tired, I feel like catching forty winks | Being up all night in this elbow room | That puts me in a trance | Where hopes and dreams come true | Now my lips are burning and my eyes are hurting | From this fuse I mixed till I light another | Cigarette just to pass my time | Heaven knows how bitter I am

Yesterday was totally a bad day. I suffered a suicidal-depression-all-the-world-is-against-me attack yesterday. But it was just a day-phase, now I even forgot what I was ranting about. But of course except for that one bit of childish want. I'm a big paraniod baby. So people beware, keep feeding me information. Anyway, everythings back into perspective now.

I should be sleeping now. I told myself that my regular time for sleep should be 10PM. I am able to wake up at 6:30AM but there's just no creative juice flowing in my brain in the morning. But it's a great time for devotion though. Recently I bought two maps, a world map and a Philippine map, and taped it in the front and back leaf of my Bible, so I can pray for at least one nation a day. Today I placed an Indonesian map in another leaf. I want to be part of the global mission of bringing the nations to Christ.

Back at church, I came in few minutes late with every high school cell people waiting outside our church because of this hellish traffic we're experiencing in Divisoria and Binondo. It was quite a rush. Going to church, I was doing a marathon like walking at a fast pace cause running would tire me more and it'll look like I'm running away from something. Our cellgroup in high school has been suffering some blows. Praise God for two faithful girls who attend. The volunteers even outnumbered the students! Supposed to be we could number more than 10 students, but each of those had an excuse to miss it, plus one who ran away from home.

It made me think, "What's happening to our church?" Another issue that's the talk of the town is about that critical lady who finally left with her family but now pulling out every member that she brought into the church. I mean, please stop bringing it up! It's like chewing and chewing on a week long gum. It just makes my ear tingle and my bad vindictive man show up from hiding.

The message during worship today was "Who will stand up for me? Who will stand up for the nations and for this city? I need men who will stand and pray for the nations..."

Vindication

How long should I take this?
How long must I be put to shame?
You have made me a laughing stock to my self;
A ridicule among the dead.

You said it is not for sin that I am tested,
instead You are teaching me a virtue.
But what virtue must I learn
that You would cause the life to be snuffed out of me;
To be doused by the cold and careless waves?
Oh Lord, I cannot understand
why I must go through such beating.

I could meddle with prostitutes,
And turn away from Your harsh chastisement;
Or move far away where my children cannot find me,
But in this battle I am bound to lose by opposing You.

It is You I fear, therefore I love;
It is Your unfailing love
That keeps me running back to You,
Your faithfulness proving how fragile and foolish a creature I am.

Fill me with Your understanding;
Let me weep on Your shoulder,
Somehow this agony would be eased;
That when again I stretch my wings I will not fear,
And on that day I will put my trust in You alone.

Today I drafted my schedule on paper and I realized that I had so much dead time at hand. Book of Hope Philippines finally called me regarding my job application two weeks ago. But today I sense that I will focus on campus ministry for the next few months. So I became half-hearted to fully commit as full time staff in Book of Hope. So I e-mailed them asking for cancelation, but they still asked me to come over even as a part-time which was cool for me. I will be starting next week for 2 days a week. I will be working on type-setting the English Book of Hope into Tagalog versions. I can sense that this work will be rewarding. I just pray that 2 days a week of work would be enough to meet the deadlines.

The campus ministry gig is getting clearer and clearer as the day goes. Ate Merla is coming over by February, and she's also visiting from Ilo-ilo City on December for our initial planning with Kuya Sur. These are exciting days!!!

Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
and the years approach when you will say,
"I find no pleasure in them"-

Before the sun and the light
and the moon and the stars grow dark,
and the clouds return after the rain;

When the keepers of the house tremble,
and the strong men stoop,
when the grinders cease because they are few,
and those looking through the windows grow dim;

When the doors to the street are closed
and the sound of grinding fades;
when men rise up at the sound of birds,
but all their songs grow faint;

When men are afraid of heights
and of dangers in the streets;
when the almond tree blossoms
and the grasshopper drags himself along
and desire no longer is stirred.
Then man goes to his eternal home
and mourners go about the streets.

Remember him—before the silver cord is severed,
or the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,
or the wheel broken at the well,

and the dust returns to the ground it came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it.

- King Solomon

Woke up today pretty early cause I slept early. For the past days I've been back to sleeping late again. It's better waking up early. So I was able to have devotion before I did anything today. School's been up and busy. I have a meeting today in APCC, because for a while I wanted to join their team but I'm not so sure now because I feel that is not what God wants me to do.


One of the most embarassing moments of my young adult life. Last Saturday, I drove the new car to church. On the way out, I always go up to this steep ramp. The car had some problem in the gas, and my dad reminded me to heat up the engine for at least 10 minutes. But because I'm hard-headed and too excited I took it out after 5 minutes. So when I tried to go up the inclined road, the engine died halfway and started sliding down. I managed to lift the handbreak and tried again and again to start the engine but failed. I was profusely sweating because I was nerved-out and it was a hot afternoon. And everybody in the neighborhood was like looking at me wondering why i stopped for almost an hour. I called my dad to help me, and to add to my loser-moment, when my dad drove the car on the ramp, it went straight up in single try. After that my dad took the car to a shop and the problem was fixed.

Yesterday was the weirdest day.

My dad got a new (not really new, a first hand) car, a space wagon a few days ago. I got to drive it last Thursday night. Until now, I still experience headaches driving it. Because it was so large and bumpy. On the other hand, These past few days I sleep later that before which could also trigger those headaches.

I had been itching to buy this phone, a Sony Ericsson K750i. And yesterday I finally got it. Also got a Sun sim.

Practice last night was a little weird. I cannot feel the 'kick' to the confusion of my bandmates. Really weird. Perhaps, I noticed that my voice is different. I could'nt reach the high notes.

God is really good AND faithful, my freelance work is going healthy.

Today I had devotion, even though I already woke up pretty late (around 11). But still managed to dwell on His Word.. I am so pumped up reading Jeremiah and John. There is joy and peace, His Word is alive!

Jeremiah readings:
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 'Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 'You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. Jer 29:11

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness. Jer 31:3

"Then the virgin will rejoice in the dance, And the young men and the old, together, For I will turn their mourning into joy, And will comfort them and give them joy for their sorrow. Jer 31:13

"Set up for yourself roadmarks, Place for yourself guideposts; Direct your mind to the highway, The way by which you went. Return, O virgin of Israel, Return to these your cities. Jer 31:21

From Voice of Martyrs monthly newsletter on recent China news...

Although China allows "belief" in a religion, the Chinese constitution does not guarantee the right to practice that religion. Adults often face severe consequences for religious actions but generally are not required to deny their faith. However, officials attempt to weaken children's faith by encouraging them to deny Jesus altogether. According to Open Doors, Public Security Bureau officers recently burst into a Sunday school room and herded 30 children into a van. Despite the scary situation, one child started singing. The van soon was filled with song. Upon arrival at the police station, the children marched bravely into the interrogation room still singing to the Lord. Threatened with having to write "I do not believe in Jesus" 100 times before they would be released, the children instead wrote: "I believe in Jesus today. I will believe in Jesus tomorrow. I will believe in Jesus forever!" Exasperated, officials called the children's parents, some of whom denied Christ. When a widowed believer came to pick up her twin sons, she refused to deny Jesus. The officers threatened her: "If you do not deny Jesus, we will not release your sons!" The widow replied, "Well, I guess you will just have to keep them, because without Jesus, there would be no way for me to take care of them!" With no avenues left open to them, the officials said, "Take your sons and go!"

Give thanks and praise to God for the faithful witness of these children. Pray the light of their faith will brighten the spiritual darkness around them. Pray God will continue to strengthen them as they face the pressures of adulthood.

+++

Jeremiah Readings

Yesterday I met a client in 7650 Makati. He was the company's project manager, an interior designer from UST. From the looks of him I assume that he was effeminate. After much awkward moments of silence and conversations, he learned that I am a youth pastor. I learned he went to church before and his mom is an active Christian. I also learned that he left the church in bad terms. I didn't want to look like I was probing too much about his personal life, but it left me mildly concerned, and sad that such things would happen to him. I wonder, is the Philippine church equipped and ready to cater to people who are in great need of a Savior's love and forgiveness? Much of the facade that we are building, at least what I see in my Christian environment, have been geared towards the "normal" person, the "minimal sinner". I thought, what if I invited this guy in our smallgroup, in our church service, will the congregation accept him? Will I eventually accept him? How does one reach out to a person who turned back from what he knew was the truth yet he perceives as already an unreachable state? I realize that it is only the love of Christ that will bring him back, a love that is not worried about "getting down and dirty." On this ramblings, I begin to admire and exalt the loving acceptance with no agendas, simply and pure steadfast love, Jesus expressed to us who are just so sinful. Lord, may I become like You.

The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?" They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him.

Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone." Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.

Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. "Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?" "No one, Master." "Neither do I," said Jesus. "Go on your way. From now on, don't sin."

John 8:3-11

Last Sunday's missions convention was awesome. Pastor Joedy closed the 3-day convention with a message of vision. A refreshing and reviving message, just what we needed. Somehow my cynical perception has been lifted away. There's always hope.

I already have classes today. I just missed one. Got to subjects today. I still have post-sembreak bug. I might go to class later at 5.

Is God asking me to wait? Last night during Missions Convention at church I was burdened to cry for the campus, the University Belt specifically. I don't know if it was due to a "subliminal suggestion" from a friend. A few days ago, I was able to chat with Ate Merla, a campus ministry powerhouse in Iloilo City, and was urging her to come to Manila to reach the campus. The next day, she SMS me that she after much prayer and consideration, she is resigning from her office there and will be sailing to Manila. These are exciting days.

Today I received two SMS quotes suggesting to wait for the Lord's answer. It even became a consideration for me to work freelance just for this semester. A friend's advise echoes about not missing the opportunity, unknowingly "[coming]... for such times as this." May God's word be swift for I am growing impatiently excited.

On a side note, I felt cynical last night about the reaction of some in the congregation to the mission challenge. I thought we are good at laughing at light-heartedness of our speaker, but when it comes to actual "laboring" will there be hands that will raise up to take the challenge of prayer, sending and going? Forgive my melancholy (but I reserve a right to be skeptic), but are we shaping a congregation who warm their chairs and satisfy their fill? "There's not enough humor.. sermon was too long.." What kind of Christians are we raising?!

Few days ago Pastor and I were discussing about attendance trend in the church and obviously we're going into the "low months." I can see the frustration and disdain of my pastor. I want to say something but I am equally without answer myself. It is during these times that I realize the enormous pressure our senior pastor faces. One thing is certain, our church is lacking prayer, the backbone of the church. We need prayer. Enough of our excuse that prayer and intercession is a gift to certain people, just as evangelism is a gift to certain people. I remembered in the message last night, the speaker said if Jesus did the most in his ministry, it was PRAYER and GOING FORTH.

"One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter." - Raoul, Die Another Day

"The defining characteristic of the Information Age is not speed, but the "compression of time." It is not so much that events are necessarily moving faster but that there is less time for leaders to respond to events than there used to be. This puts enormous pressure upon today's leader." - Spiritual Leadership, Blackaby

"You know me, O Lord. You see me. And You examine my heart's attitude toward you..." - Jeremiah the prophet, Holy Bible (Jer 12:3)

The sky is dark today. Looks like it's gonna rain.

Yesterday, I went to school to enroll. I got three subjects and one minor. 10 units in all. It was nice to see again schoolmates and professors. Can't wait to go back to school. Tuition was a reality-checker. And it's only now that I realized how high the tuition was. So I managed to pay only half.

After enrollment, I went to RP to meet Kuya Sur and Ate Love. I wore this flowery red polo shirt that everyone was looking at that made me feel uneasy. After an hour of roaming around, I met Kuya Sur outside RP instead, cause he's waiting for Ate Love naman. So we ordered some food. Finally I was able to talk to Kuya Sur. Like before, I am really grateful that he helps me articulate my situations and decisions. I've been so wanting to talk to him about my next move in work. My initial plan was to join a ministry organization. After much questions and feedback from someone who's worked in one, I had doubts if this is the kind of work for me. I realized that perhaps I am longing for an output of an extended territory in ministry, which is true. That's why I'm serious to finish my seminary. But profit is still necessary for me for I need to support myself and family. I am not ready about going to an 8-5 office. And my work set-up before was ideal to me. Not that I regret resigning from the company, believe me I don't. But now I think I have to look for something similar. I need also an output for my creativity.

His prayer for me is that God would begin to close every open door of opportunity so that only one door would be left open for me to enter. I own that prayer.

It's raining hard.

One benefit that I realized since I resigned from my job was that I was able to spend more time with God. I sleep early and wake up early in time for devotion. I pray more, I read more. I realized I trusted my work, it gave me face, not that it's totally wrong. Work is important for living. But this circumstance directed me to trust more in God. I remember our conversations about walking in faith, not that I have taken hold of it fully, just a glimpse of it.

"Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, "Let us go back and visit the brothers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing." Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches." (Acts 15:36-41)

It's unfortunate how wild passion dies so quickly at the first sign of tribulation. Hasn't the Lord told us to be faithful and remain sure-footed in Him? He desires faithfulness, not momentary passion. Hasn't He proven His goodness and faithfulness to us on the sea? Why not today, isn't the Lord effective for such times as this? Yet we trust ourselves more than the One who knows everything about us. "He who trusts himself trusts a fool". That's why He said on the mountain, "Be strong and take courage... for I will be with You always." Lord, teach me to bear this with grace and compassion.

O Lord, You're beautiful
Your grace is all I see
And when Your eyes are on this child
Your grace abounds in me

Will definitely watch out for this movie by Peter Jackson. Trailer is so cool.

Hilarious.