Vindication

How long should I take this?
How long must I be put to shame?
You have made me a laughing stock to my self;
A ridicule among the dead.

You said it is not for sin that I am tested,
instead You are teaching me a virtue.
But what virtue must I learn
that You would cause the life to be snuffed out of me;
To be doused by the cold and careless waves?
Oh Lord, I cannot understand
why I must go through such beating.

I could meddle with prostitutes,
And turn away from Your harsh chastisement;
Or move far away where my children cannot find me,
But in this battle I am bound to lose by opposing You.

It is You I fear, therefore I love;
It is Your unfailing love
That keeps me running back to You,
Your faithfulness proving how fragile and foolish a creature I am.

Fill me with Your understanding;
Let me weep on Your shoulder,
Somehow this agony would be eased;
That when again I stretch my wings I will not fear,
And on that day I will put my trust in You alone.