Patrick Tan

I failed to blog about this this week. This week I experienced loneliness and downess in my life. I believed it stemed from losing time alone with God. I began to drift away. Now I see it so clear and obvious that it was that factor that changed my countenance. Hours turned to days making it harder and harder to commune with Him. Then the storms which I have endured and weathered before through Him came and knocked me down. The difference - His presence. Through the end of the week every worry, concern and enemy attacks piled up that I wanted burst this swelling emotion within me.

Thanks to such people who I can call friends more than church mates who gave me the permission (even if I'm their group leader) to vent out my problems as a human like them. Too often people tend to idolize their leaders too much but they don't see that they are still humans (living by grace). Prayer meeting after that was an uplifter too. After prayer meeting, still trying to get back in track, a person came and tried to argue with me about his New Age belief. I was so stressed out after talking to that person, then I was again in a low.

Morning came with a feeling of nothing much to be excited on. I came in skeptic and grumpy. But then I look around as I hit those keys, "nobody really pays attention to you, your deliberate distraction, because everyone's all eyes and ears to God." I realized my sort-of pity partying didn't pull off. Afternoon came and I visited a friend who is also a pastor. That was a breather, I was encouraged. I really needed that. We both prayed for each other, voiced our concerns in the ministry and life. I left partly charged up. Then I came home, anticipating on an activity tomorrow. We're supposed to do something together. But everyone's just not up for it. What a downer. I was fed up, I wanted to burst.

Even though I knew where I should come for counsel and comfort, it took me until tonight to come before Him. I wanted to cry and I did. I wanted to let Him feel what I feel. I am a wounded soldier. His words brought me comfort and empathy. His Word charged me up. It was His fellowship that I was longing for all along. I got my song back. I am free. God is really good! Praise God. His mercies endures forever.