I need to get out more. I miss what I use to do. I think I was freer a few years back. I mean in terms of how I use to go around at will. I was supposed to go to Banaue next week but whadyaknow I'm tied again to the city. I told our small group this evening that shaving my hair reminded me of that feeling. That feeling of "careless abandonment", despite the unclear future you go ahead and "shave your head" or do something crazy or out of the ordinary, and perhaps you may enjoy the fruits of your faith or suffer the repercussions of your foolishness. I miss doing that. Is that a "youth" phase? I hope not.
And now for some ramblings ...
Pessimism. Despite my outward countenance I could say that I am quite a positive go-getter person. This topic came during our sharing time, how we need to have a more positive outlook on life and circumstances. Pessimism just imprisons you of your own assumpsions that you won't be able to prove until you step out in faith. I go back again to that thought of "careless abandonment". Even when I was already on that barber's chair I was undecided which way to go--go semikal or my regular haircut. But since I'm already sitting on the chair I don't have the luxury of time anymore. So I had to choose--take the risk of a shaved head or go with the accepted norm (I've noticed that even the food I eat has already been streamlined to selected choices). And in that unaccountable moment of the present you choose--even the one that requires the bigger risk.
What am I trying to say? Careless abandonment. Sometimes life doesn't give us hints of which road to take. Missing road signs? But whatever comes in life you take credit for it, you bear responsibility over it, and not blame others for it. In this life it is necessary to be at least armed with one thing--faith (or three--love & hope). Faith in a divine hand that ordains your steps. That every ground you tread is where God is doing his next "field lesson".
Onto another subject. Depression. Sometimes I do not understand why people go through lengthy whiles feeling sorry for themselves. Pointed words but true nevertheless. By the way, I'm a choleric with a dash of melancholy. I mean, life slams you hard on the ground, then why don't you pick up and and clean up yourself and fight all the more? I think that's where "crying over spilled milk" comes from. Stop crying over the past as if you could still alter them. The past is a hard stone, but the present and the future is as a malleable metal. Dwelling on it just wastes your present, shortens your future. Sayang, sayang, sayang.
"I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME." We have to have that Pauline attitude on life. Whatever life hands us, yes, we will manage, we will endure because quitting and sulking does not belong in the holy dictionary. Our model is Christ Jesus who went through far worse than whatever miserable experiences we can pit up against his, and yet he persisted, he endured (to the point of sweating beads of blood), he died, abandoning this life, overcoming our fiercest limit--death, ressurecting to life--a victor, an uncommon hero because didn't just simply win, he bled and still won. This is the kind of strength--strength that can ressurect even the deadest parts of our being--the kind of strength that permits us to face every fear, every obstacle, hindrance and "temporary setbacks" with a confidence and a sure-win attitude. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Life is too short to be wasted, Patrick.
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