Transition

Today I am in this space of transition. If I would describe it, it's like one of those contraptions in the science museum of what appears to be a long hallway, but as you go towards the door on the other end, it becomes smaller and smaller, just like Alice in Wonderland. As I ponder on this season of transition (I am not yet at the end of it), I realize that there is no turning back. Words have been said and must not be taken back. It's not that I regret doing these things. I don't regret them. But if I could turn back time I will do it better, smoother.

I said in Facebook, I am like an albatross--because albatrosses are known for their clumsy landings. And I am like that now, ungraceful in a sense. But even in these times of unease, the Lord continues to guide me, minister to me. In spite of my weaknesses, He is the grace that is all sufficient for me, for us. Sometimes I think that God would allow me to go through this just to bring me across--or push me across. Last Carecell, someone shared an illustration about how some tourist visited the Statue of Liberty. It was 4 hours queue to be able to go to the top of Statue of Liberty and see the breath-taking view. As he went up, he already sees the view from the windows. And at last, he reaches the top. And the guard says, "You have three minutes to take it in!" Four hours for three minutes? And the view is not that different from when he was climbing up. The moral lesson: Life is a journey not a destination. God reveals himself even in the minute routines of our journey. This calling is long overdue, but I have a lot of what if's and will have more. But God puts up with it. He honors even faith as small as mustard seeds.

I was listening yesterday to this podcast, and what the preacher said confronted me of my true state. He said God is not somewhere else, He is with you whichever circumstance you are in. I am tempted to feel that I am doing this because God is somewhere else. It's a human default. Better is always on the other side of the fence. But in the mundane, the pains and the fears and instabilities God is there. This is not a solution for a more heightened experience of God, God has been always with me. So why am I doing this I ask myself. I am doing this because in this season, this is where God wants me to be. I am at the Lord's disposal.

The journey of life. I have realized what Jesus said to His disciples, "You will always have the poor with you, but I will only be for a little while". The opportunity for service and ministry will always be there. It will outrun us, it will outlive us. But the more important thing is this: During my time here on earth, how did I cultivate that relationship with my God. More than the lists of things I have done, God is more interested in who I have become in Him. And this is a constant struggle--a struggle we all have to put up while we are in this fleshly state. The desire to seek the Giver more than all His good gifts. In this time of transition I am stripped of comfort and security, and have realized that I will be in this kind of stripping for a longer haul. The institution has become a security, instead of the Solid Rock. My prayer today is that Lord center me once more where my significance is only found in You.