Season's Ramblings

I'm here today at the my office. Most of the technical crew is out ... I mean ALL of the production team is out because they are doing week-long shoot of our latest video. Me, I'm stuck here, since I work in the web department, which is fine with me.

There are a lot of things that had been going on lately. Specially now that we are in this transition of moving out of our church to do campus missions. There are times that I feel stressed but if not for God's mercy and grace I would be found by the dumpster by now. Stressed because of relationships. Parting and new. I have realized I am not good at goodbyes. Though I thought before that I am. Until now I haven't said my piece to the people ought to hear it.

Is it safe to say that I am wobbly and fearful of moving forward? Many thoughts come into my mind. Am I doing the right thing? I have to do this. I am pressured when people around me expect that I have to know everything. I don't. I'm just as much as a pilgrim as you are. I am in this journey. It has ups and downs. But one thing I strive for, that is to finish strong. And the thought of finishing strong seems far out of reach. Every step or mistep might snap the cord that holds me together. But I must do this. It's time to move on.

What keeps me going on? My family, my calling, and the Lord. The Lord. Lord there are times that I feel distant from You. But I know You are still there watching and waiting for me to return. There are times that I think I have truly messed up some things. But I take hold on this character of Yours that is always able to untangle the deepest mess people get into. "When you are tempted, [God] provides." "You provide a way out." Thank You Jesus.

I am an inch closer to how Solomon felt when he wrote Ecclesiastes. Everything is meaningless. But I have to fight it, especially in these times when friends are scarce. "The poor will always be there." Service does not end. What's important is by the end, my duty to the Lord has been fulfilled. Lord, purge me with Your hottest fire. Destroy the strongholds that war against my soul. In this valleys may You alone O God be glorified.

He makes all things beautiful ...