"Inner Ramblings in a Terrace at Noon"

Kalookan, noon:

I am sitting now at our terrace. Lounging; waiting. The day is bright, it’s noon. I can see trees swaying by the wind. Pigeons fly by my view. A sea of houses, suburbs. I can hear children passing through the streets. Tricycle, rooster, men, birds, running children, I hear. Viewing from a terrace lined with green plants, facing away from me and to their father sun. Terrace of grey marble. I hear a calm gush of water from the aquarium – left moss-covered and green. Cats bathe in light, licking their paws, playing with each other, a happy sight. I am lounging, thinking, reflecting. Bird perch by the terrace grills. It’s windy. Cat hair & dirt flies at random. Mama calls for lunch. I smell adobo.

Reflecting on my spiritual life, my character, my leadership, my romance, my future
Thinking what can I do, what I should have done, what I would do
I feel heavy, frustrated, content, calm, eager, limited, anticipating
Waiting for a friend, a hand to reach out in the midst of pawns
To see me as I am, not what I do or what I have or what I am supposed to be
I am a creature longing to be set free, free as a bird
At this moment, I sail alone in this life-voyage, composed yet pointless
Today I eat, tomorrow I die. Life is but a chasing of a wind.
I dream of shore, my Promise Land. But no land at sight…
Waiting, watching from a distance, putting meaning on what seems to have none
I feel insignificant inside my cloak of pride. My life would be a waste, if not for You.
I am learning to put my faith not on people of weak spirits but to You
“Search me, Oh God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts.”