First Sunday

Last Sunday we started attending Life Source Christian Fellowship. This will be our home for this season. We arrive early because the service starts at 10AM but we have to get our parents to Binondo before 8:30AM. After we parked a few blocks away from the university church we find out that the church is still closed so stayed at McDonald's for a second breakfast.

We are still in transition. Though I would like it to end soon and just start doing ministry, I believe it won't go away any moment soon. Sitting with my pancakes I look across the table and Nette is quiet. She is also adjusting to this set-up. She has gone through a lot: moving out of ICS, moving out of Makati Carecells and moving out of Binondo. She doesn't recover easily with parting relationships as I do.

As we arrive at church we find a familiar face. My friend who also just moved out their church.

The preaching was about the Lord's prayer. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Prayer is not changing the mind of God but aligning yourself to the will of God.

Prayer. My time alone with God today is dismal. I am reminded by the importance of community. It keeps you somehow on your toes specially in the spiritual disciplines (in my opinion). And Binondo is good at that. There is something in me that keeps on nagging me that I need to get my act together. But I can relate to the priest of Psalm 42, in despair, in longing, and yet hopeful. I am not looking for an emotional spiritual high, but it would help. I feel nothing, like a windless day. How do you push yourself, how do you "put your hope in God, until you once again praise Him?"

After the service we had small groups, and my friend breaks down. I've been thinking about that, how come I am not emotionally engaged with the situation we are in (I am not talking about sympathizing with my friend because I feel him). Am I in denial of something? Yes I realize that the church we came from was a security we cannot enjoy anymore. I acknowledge that I am floating, uprooted. What do I still need to acknowledge to myself? I know there is but today I still don't know. Where is God in all these? He is a Father waiting for my return. Lord, help me see what you want me to see.