Patrick Tan

I decided to wake up earlier - 10AM.. A great accomplishment for a sluggish sleepyhead. Last night we moved our bed to another position that I can place my stuff beside my bed, including my alarm clock. But even when the alarm clock was right beside my ear, I was not awaken by the clock but a houseperson saying that the alarm clock is ringing. I'm bad at waking through alarms.

I found my dad talking on the phone with pastor. Another issue in the church. When will this stop? Later I'll be going to church to practice for Sunday worship.

These are the times when I ask myself, "Where is the church headed?" I feel pointless, my work senseless and no direction to go to. Last night my family were talking about moving church. It seems hopeless and stubborn. I am an objective person. A person who does things for a purpose, for a goal. My motivation is driven by carefully laid-out and God-inquired plans. When there is no vision the people scatter. I feel like a sheep without a shepherd. Three years in the youth ministry proved to be a great experience... but how long can I hold up? I've been inquiring to the Lord of my struggles. What is in store for 2005? I am growing weary.