God-dialogues

It's almost a month since the official start of summer. It's Holy Week. I still have some stuff to do in work & school.. Especially school. Indeed, the last days of school are the laziest time to wrap up things. I have to do some paper work for Christian Education and Epistles. Recently I got into this emotional catastrophe that I am now thinking of packing up and leave.. for a while. I have created a path which I am convincing myself to be the path which I must take.. now. Having God-dialogues within my mind.. lots of questions, why? where? when?.. But amazingly He answers through lots of people.. just now. And He's technologically up-to-date I might add, after all, ALL things come from HIM.

What does He want me to do for Him? I am asking God what's His direction for me now. I am anticipating His clear reply. I am ready to go to Palawan on April 17.. not quite ready.. I need a sleeeping bag. I am praying that He will finally reveal to me His direction once there. Lots of voices I hear. Telling me what and what not to do.. Where and where not to go.. And I still have to deal with my assigned demon's whispers.. Man, this is a battle.. a battle with my future at stake.

I heard once that peace is not a place and it's not a feeling. Am I at peace today? Am I that bird peacefully perched on a storm blown tree? Where is my joy? Where in the part of my journey have I lost it? I feel blank. I am searching for something I know I had but then I lost it. Or haven't I had it before? I feel I need to take some steps back to where I started, where I felt that spark, that oil.

For now life is bland. I feel my house is a clutter. I need to clean-up. I need to regroup.. I even failed to keep track of my planner. Yet I still put more crap in my life. I need to be simple. Using a low-end phone.. that can be a start..

I know God is somewhere watching me. Observing my every move. I know my dialogues is getting to Him. And I appreciate that He's so alive in my life.. not just an object to put on false hope.. it's the real deal. At 23, the life-road still looks so far and winding. Lord, how can I finish this life with a head high up? Pray my fire continue burning to the last flicker.. Use me to the last drop. I WANT to make my life COUNT. Enough to be counted as Yours.