Of Jacob and Jonah

Another work week wraps up. I am now here at home in Makati preparing for my message. I was invited to speak at a youth group tomorrow. Perhaps you might have noticed, that I'm busy again, no time to write (and gloat :) Resting for a while to reflect on my life. This is one thing I am losing in touch of these past few days.

Praise God because for the past few weeks He has blessed us again with provision. I feel .. (I know) that recently I am failing at giving God due credit. In fact, I've been itching to buy a Mac Book Pro. Know that feeling of you want something so badly but you can't have it. Recently my hard drive broke down, taking my files and working files with it. And after a few days, the keyboard of this laptop broke down as well. In front of me are two keyboards: the laptop's and a desktop keyboard I'm using to type with. So I mean the need to buy a new laptop is justified right? But I realized having this exaggerated wants just drives me restless, envious, discontent, and ungrateful. Ungrateful. Lord, I'm sorry. And thank You for your good gifts. You know what I need and I will shut up now.

I remember myself always saying that perhaps the reason why I wasn't able to push through with my last two subjects of my masteral course in the seminary is because I would be arrogant if I did. Just like why I wasn't able to pursue my architectural career, why every pursuit that ended up not-so-successful turned out the way it is--Because if I did (and somehow God knew that's why it is why it is), I will be an arrogant person. I reject that thinking now. First, I've been looking too low at myself, as if I am not capable of success without breathing pride. And second, I believe that God is not in the business of giving up on people's dreams. I mean, in other words, God wants us to succeed in what we do. I realized this has been the lie of the enemy, that I'm not good enough so I can wallow in self-pity and feed on the sympathy and praise of other people. I remember a passage in the Bible that said if earthly fathers give good gifts to their children, how much for the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit (what's best for us). 

I have yet to conquer this thing within me. This thing that feeds on busyness, and ministry. I've realized that I've been far from the persons of the Bible. This week I've been searching the Scriptures for a person I can relate with. Two things come to mind: Jacob and Jonah. Jacob was by default a coward at the core. He became a deceiver because he didn't want to face his lot and his choices. Recently I saw this 2006 mob movie by Martin Scorcese called "The Departed", and the character of Matt Damon was (slightly surprisingly) someone I can relate to. To say the least he was like Jacob. He would not fess up if no one had found out. I am reminded by the passage that says, be sure your sins will find you out. By the end of the movie this guy thought he had already gotten away now that the people he messed up with had died, except for one dude who caught up with him and killed him.

Then there is Jonah. This small time prophet is asked by the great God of the universe to go to Niniveh to preach the message of repentance. Instead he chooses in a twisted sense of self-sufficiency to disobey. But no matter where he ran, the God who commands the winds and the seas and the mysterious creatures of the deep is always present, always near. God is always near. The God of love, the God of justice, the God of compassion, the God of second chances, the God of righteousness and holiness, the God of hope and everlasting joy, is always near.

I will not be able to run away from His unchanging Love. "I am convinced that ... nothing can separate us from the Love of God."

He is a God who chooses to wrestle with us, chooses to be overpowered, chooses to be shamed. Because He is the kind of God who can experience being laid low without losing every part of who He is. Though I am tempted to say that that is something I cannot become. At the after thought, He invites us to be like Him.

Jesus, loose the ropes that bindeth the hands that are kept from praising You.


Something Beautiful

Something beautiful, something good
All my confusions, He understood
All I have to offer Him was brokenness and strife
But He made something beautiful of my life