Patrick Tan

Today I had a discouraging encounter in the library. I was dismissed an hour earlier today before chapel, so I spent some time in the library to do my freelance work. After some time, the librarian alerted us that it was ten minutes to chapel time. And then, five minutes to chapel time... So there I was on the far side of the cubicles wrapping up my work. As the students thin out the library, this guy staff started alerting that it's chapel time. At this time I had no idea that it was me he was hinting. I was already standing ready to leave, but my laptop closes slow so I had to wait a few minutes. Then this guy, apparently offended by what looked like my insensitivity to his charge drew to the light switch on the side of the library where I was and turned it off with a remark on the side saying like 'what a tough nut!' At this moment I realize he was pissed at me. Then finally my computer shuts down, quickly put it in the backpack and walk fast to the door. Then the second blow came off, he said like I was some maarte, that needs to be called special names to respond.

I thought, what is it with this guy? What did I do? It's enough that I got problems of my own right now, and this guy starts violating my personal emotional space.

Now it makes me paranoid. I want to cook up answers. Maybe this guy like all computer guys are cholerics or melancholics. Maybe it was a bad day for him. I remember before walking from 7-11 to school, and we were to meet along the way, he avoided me, walking away from the sidewalk. I always hate walking there, because I always meet students from school, whom I need to decide if I'm going to say hi or what. But it seems that they do not look at me often now, and try to meet me in the eye. Maybe they concluded that I'm suplado.

But anyway, that incident ruined my day in my lowest of weeks. Instead of going back to school after lunch to spend some time in the library, I decided to head home after having lunch with Emmanuel, my Indian friend. I told him the incident which he answered in the most Christian way: Forgive, even someone deliberately steps on your foot.

The school isn't all that nice after all. This was one of the bunch of people that contribute to grow my paranoia and question my being. I am so down today. Yet time waits for no one. I have tons of things to do.