Patrick Tan

I'm leaving today for Davao at 10AM. I'm really worried and praying that I don't mess up in this event. My trust is in the name of the Lord.

Today I preached at church, it was too long therefore it felt less effective. First service heard comments how the preaching was long (I extended 10 minutes). Somehow I can't fit everything I wanted to say in 45 minutes. Felt a little tired. Last night we went to CCP, had long walk. I also lifted weights last Friday. So until Sunday morning my body ached.

We lunched at SM San Lazaro. Went back to church 'cause parents are gonna attend a wedding in a church nearby. We're supposed to go home but time was too tight. So I slept my tired body in church. I was awaken by my mom at 4PM, and they had to go straight to the wedding reception. So we had to stay at church until 9PM. I took my rest.

I've been disappointing some people lately. My parents were saying that I leave home too much. And I spend more time in ministry than family. This was when they realized I plan to go to Banaue when I return from Davao. We ended up in bad terms because I expressed my irritation, now I feel bad. It's enough to say it the first time and I get it. When you hear it like a broken record, I gets to you. And I feel that for the past year I have been spending a lot of time at home to a point of idleness if not for my work (with few trips here and there). They assumed that my Banaue trip is another ministry trip and that I would just be tiring myself, but it was a personal trip on my part, which I do regularly to spend sometime alone in quietness. But whoever's right or wrong, I still feel bad right now. And tomorrow they will take me to the airport. Talk about total guilt feeling.

My boss has also been frustrated about my work. I feel I am no longer effective in the company. So I just sent him an e-mail submitting my resignation. What's up next, Lord?