Patrick Tan

It's Ressurection Sunday. Easter service this morning was ok. I led worship. It's amazing when you're in front of the pulpit, a private viewpoint to our congregation. Some are passionately worshipping, others with arms crossed are just mere spectators. I would try to stare longer on people who were not participating in worship. And then it becomes a who-stares-the-longest game. Of course, I have to be a worshipper myself. Didn't achieve that 100%. I had things going on on my head. Thoughts of frustration, helplessness, guilt and loneliness. For me, for my ministry and for the church. Going to retreat before Sunday was a refresher, because I was able to talk to our pastor's wife, exchanging encouragements and affirmations. Also, at one night we had an extended worship as a youth group after the evening session. We all needed that. But after those, I'm left with the question "why?" "What for?" I feel I am lost of purpose of doing such things. Perhaps not losing purpose but I feel that no matter how much I turn things around and before, things aren't gonna change much around here. We had a huge rock sitting on our way. But I must be encouraged. I don't want to let the bad melancholy in me win.

Lord, let Your rain fall down on us.